Monday, March 31, 2014

2014 MLB Season Predictions



Ahhh Opening Day is finally here.  It's about fucking time.  No offense to basketball fan but since football ended in early February I've been counting down the days till America's past time.  Baseball makes the nuts tingle.  The crack of the bat.  The smell of tobacco spit.  The A-Rod suspension.  Nuts tingle just thinking of it.

Here are my division predictions.  If you got a problem with it you can reach me by email at matt@idontgiveafuck.com.

AL EAST

1.  Orioles - From top to bottom they have the best lineup in all of baseball once Manny Machado comes back in April.  The additions of Nelson Cruz and David Lough add power and speed.  They have the best defense and the pitching depth is finally there for them to contend for a World Series.

2.  Rays - Tampa might not have a huge payroll like the Yankees and Red Sox but they got a ton of pitching and it should help them win a Wild Card.  Joe Maddon will get this team to 92 wins.

3.  Red Sox - The defending World Series Champs are coming off an improbable magical season but have huge question marks at SS and CF.  Their starting rotation should once again be very good but I think their bullpen will falter a good bit.  One can't expect Koji Uehera to again put up a once in a century stat line.

4.  Yankees - The Yankees dished out a billion dollars or so it seems in the offseason to free agents Tanaka, Ellsbury, Beltran and McCann and on paper it looks like it should make a major improvement to the roster.  The problem is the youngest regular starter is McCann and he isn't a spring chicken.  Jeter is in his final season.  Mo is gone.  CC has cancer.  In another division I could see taking the Yankees to make the playoffs but the AL East is too tough.

5.  Blue Jays - Their rotation is borderline horrid.  Unless some young guys step up I don't see them winning 80 plus games.  Stick with the hockey.

AL CENTRAL

1.  Royals - Don't laugh.  The Royals are the real deal.  They got a bunch of young players hitting their prime years and they play great defense.  With the Tigers faltering a little bit I like Kansas City to make the playoffs for the first time since the 1980's.

2.  Indians - The Tribe are coming off one of their best seasons in nearly a decade and appear to be getting better.  If they had a couple of more arms I would take them over the Royals.  Would not surprise me at all to see the Indians win the division.

3.  Tigers - I know I'm going to get some shit with this prediction but the Tigers could be in serious trouble.  No Fister or Fielder plus they have had some devastating injuries in Spring Training.  Verlander is questionable and their bullpen looks like a train wreck waiting to happen just on paper.

4.  White Sox - Avisail Garcia and Jose Abreu have future super star potential written all over their bodies but the rest of the Sox roster looks questionable at best.  In a couple of years the SouthSide team could be a serious contender.  Not this year though.  They will be shitty.

5.  Twins - How's that Joe Mauer contract treating you?  The Twinkies are a mess.  Good luck not losing 90.

AL WEST

1.  Angels - They got the best player in the game in Mike Trout and I expect big bounce back seasons from Pujols and Hamilton.  The key is their rotation and I think it will be one of the best in the West.

2.  A's - Oakland is a lot like the Rays.  They have great clubhouse chemistry and seem to try harder than other teams by hustling and playing great defense.  I see them stealing a Wild Card from the Indians and Red Sox in the last weekend of the season.

3.  Rangers - Texas reminds me a lot of Detroit.  Too many injuries and question marks at certain positions make them vulnerable.  With that being said it wouldn't surprise me at all to see them win the division if their rotation gets healthy.

4.  Astros - There really is no good reason why I have them not picked for last in this division other than I think they play the underdog role to their advantage all season.

5.  Mariners - One month into the season they will be regretting the Robinson Cano signing.

NL EAST

1.  Nationals - I'm taking the Nats over the Braves because of their rotation.  Plus their bullpen should be strong.  Bryce Harper will put up MVP numbers.

2.  Braves - Ton of question marks with the rotation losing Medlen, Beachy, and Huddy.  Minor is injured and Ervin Santana should be ready soon but I see them struggling out of the gate.  Braves have the best bullpen in the majors and their lineup is the best in the division which will help secure a Wild Card spot

3.  Marlins - No offense other than Stanton but their pitching has the potential to be the best in the division.

4.  Mets - No Miracle in these guys as they are headed for a sixth straight losing season.  The good news is they don't finish in the cellar...

5.  Phillies -  I see the potential for a 100 loss season.  They are old.  New manager.  They are already bickering.  Let's see how many sellouts they have with shitty baseball in Philly.

NL CENTRAL

1.  Cardinals - From top to bottom in their roster they have the 2nd best team in the NL behind the Dodgers.  I think they win the Central easily by 8 plus games.

2.  Reds - Losing Choo hurts but I think Billy Hamilton will be one of the better stories to follow all season as he goes for over 100 stolen bases for the first time in decades.

3.  Pirates - McClutch is coming off a MVP season and the Pirates broke their consecutive losing season streak by making the playoffs.  Unfortunately I'm not ecstatic about their starting rotation.  Too young.

4.  Brewers - I expect Ryan Braun to be booed excessively on the road.  Other than that I have no expectations for the Brew Crew.

5.  Cubs - Sorry Lovable Losers you still have a couple of more seasons before I can even consider you guys close to being good.

NL WEST

1.  Dodgers - The team with the highest payroll is also the best team in baseball.  Anything less than a World Series Title is a disappointment.  The pressure could crush them.

2.  Giants - They will win the Wild Card because they got a tremendous amount of pitching.  Other than Posey and Sandoval their lineup looks questionable.

3.  DBacks -  Any team with Martin Prado on the roster is a team I can pull for.

4.  Padres - They got a lot of young potential stars in their lineup.  Chase Headley is in his contract year which means he will put up huge numbers because money is very important.  Makes sense right?

5.  Rockies - Don't worry Colorado fans.  Your baseball team may suck but at least your microbrews are plentiful and the Broncos seasons will be kicking off in only 5 months.

AL AWARDS
AL MVP - Mike Trout
AL CY YOUNG - Yu Darvish
AL ROOKIE OF THE YEAR - Masahiro Tanaka
COMEBACK PLAYER - Josh Hamilton
MANAGER OF THE YEAR - Buck Showalter


NL AWARDS
NL MVP - Freddie Freeman
NL CY YOUNG - Jose Hernandez
NL ROOKIE OF THE YEAR - Billy Hamilton
COMEBACK PLAYER - Ryan Braun
MANAGER OF THE YEAR - Don Mattingly

WORLD SERIES PREDICTION
In a rematch of the 1966 Classic the Baltimore Orioles beat the Los Angeles Dodgers  in 6 games to win their first title since 1983.

Kentucky Fan in Recliner Reacts to Game Winning Aaron Harrison Shot



Is it just me or does it feel like every Kentucky basketball fan is somehow related to one another?  I'm not saying they are inbred but yeah they are.  Kentucky basketball fan is almost as funny as their #8 seed in the tournament.

Tuesday, March 25, 2014

Hockey Fight Between Kevan Miller and Travis Moen With Jerry Lawler Doing the Blow-By-Blow



I know it will piss off all the basketball nut jobs who come on here but it needs to be said: hockey is a million times more entertaining than hoops.  WWE's Jerry Lawler doing the ringside treatment is fucking hilarious.  I watched this Bruins vs Canadiens game from start-to-finish which ended the Bruins' 12-game winning streak in a sudden death shootout.  It was electric in Boston.  God I miss hockey.

Monday, March 24, 2014

Glass-Pounding Hockey Fan Takes a Canadian Facial



The hockey Gods were kind in Montreal.  Women you see need to know their place and those are clearly the kitchen and the bedroom, not front row in a NHL game in Montreal.  This female Canuck took a hard heater right off the boards that would make Pamela Anderson flashback to her Tommy Lee boat cruising days.  Honk!

Johnny Manziel Can Do 360-Degree Dunks



Johnny Football is less than 6 feet tall.  Come to think of it he's actually about the same height as I am.  But that is where the similarities end.  Manziel has hops.  I can barely touch the fucking net on a good day.  Manziel can do 360-degree dunks with his size 15 clown shoes.  I can drink beer 360 days of the year in my size 10.5 shoes.  Johnny is about to be a multi millionaire in the NFL.  I'm about to take a shit in my pants because I ate too much pizza last night.  Two peas in a pod.


Thursday, March 20, 2014

Beware of The Thong Hunter Patrick Willis


Watch out ladies in thongs.  San Francisco All-Pro linebacker Patrick Willis is going Down Under in Australia's Bondi Beach according to TMZ searching for some thongs to destroy.  By the picture you can tell Willis approaches the ladies with the same grit and determination he does with a running back coming over the middle.  Seek and destroy for the Thong Hunter.

Aroldis Chapman Takes a Terrifying Line Drive off His Face, Breaks Multiple Bones



Ouch.  The Cuban Missile took a brutal line drive straight to his kisser last night from the bat of Royals catcher Salvador Perez in the 6th inning.  The terrifying baseball liner caused multiple fractured bones around Aroldis Chapman's left eye and nose.  Fingers are crossed for Chapman to make a speedy recovery.  I got to be honest I don't think I could recover mentally from the trauma of taking one to the face like this.  The spring training game was immediately cancelled and now the Reds are forced to look at their closer situation while scrambling to find a solution less than two weeks till Opening Day.

Tuesday, March 18, 2014

Umpire Nick Rose Takes A Line Drive Right in the Dick and Balls



Spring Training is not just for the players.  It's also huge for the umpires in prepping them for a grueling season of farting, spitting, and starting fights.  Or in this case with umpire Nick Rose it's prep for taking a line drive to the "bat and balls" so to speak.  Hopefully he's wearing a cup but the way he went down like a Duke defender in the lane I'm seriously doubting it.

Monday, March 17, 2014

It's Not Officially St. Patrick's Day Without the Leprechaun in Alabama Video



The special Leprechaun flute will no doubt catch a crackhead in Mobile, AL.  If that dude was smart he would patent and trademark the special Leprechaun flute.  Then he can get his own reality show with his family all while becoming the next ghetto Duck Dynasty success story.

Happy St. Patrick's Day! Apparently The Irish Rocked Los Angeles this Morning With an Earthquake





March 17th is the one day of the year everybody is Irish.  This morning in Los Angeles it managed to scare the green out of them with this instant classic live footage of KTLA news anchors freaking out.  The woman of course handled it like a pro.  The guy on the other hand no doubt pissed all over himself.  It's what you get for not wearing green!  Who the hell wears pink on St. Paddy's?  Someone get that guy a diaper and some beer.


Friday, March 14, 2014

Here is a Great New Tailgating Game Called "Stupid"




Clearly this new tailgating game needs three things: A) massive amounts of alcohol  and B) at least two drunk assholes and C) a pigskin.  The good thing is my buddy Rob is proficient in all three of these traits for the tailgating game called "Stupid."  As Rob shows in the video it takes a very brave or drunk individual to put a beer on top of their head while letting the other participant hurdle a football at their noggin for shits and giggles.  One can only hope this game catches on in the South as a form of natural selection for what Charles Darwin dreamt so merrily about.


Charles Barkley Falling Asleep on Inside The NBA Tells You All You Need To Know About The State of Basketball



Honestly who can blame Charles Barkley?  The NBA has not been interesting for this mid 30's guy since the late 90's.  And yeah I know Lebron James is the greatest thing since MJ but it still doesn't interest me.  The fundamentals are awful.  If you took the best players from the 80's and 90's in their prime they would destroy the best players right now in the league.  It's all you need to know.  And don't even start with me on college basketball.  It's unwatchable.  I'm not going to claim basketball is dead but it is the one sport that has gotten progressively worse when every other sport is overall better in terms of talent, coaching, and execution.

ESPN is going to continue to push basketball upon us but anyone with half a brain can see it's shit right now.  Put lipstick on the pig all you want but we all know it's still smelly swine underneath.

Video via the awesome blog Awful Announcing

Wednesday, March 12, 2014

Now Available for Pre Order: Tight eND U Shirt


Now available for pre order is our exclusive TIGHT END U shirt.  Bigger.  Faster.  Stronger.  

Get ready for football season with this classic Tight eND U shirt.

Thursday, March 06, 2014

Brian Kelly Tweets A Model of the New Notre Dame Stadium





The detail in this tiny Notre Dame model stadium is impeccable.  Right down to the pasty white crowd.  It looks like field turf too.

Nevada's Deonte Burton With The Dunk of the Year Against Boise State



Deonte Burton is 6'1.  The Boise State defender is 6'9.  Burton straight posterized a dude who is almost a foot taller.  BEAST!

Wednesday, March 05, 2014

Ken Griffey Jr Apparently is Not a Fan of ESPN or Linda Cohn or Upper Deck...



Ken Griffey Jr had one of the most natural, beautiful swings and played the game of baseball with a big kid's smile on his face throughout his Hall of Fame career.  But Griffey's ESPN interview/Upper Deck Promo with Linda Cohn was delivered to the complete opposite field of natural and smiles.  Junior flat out looked pissed off to even be on TV.  I'm not sure what exactly happened before Griffey went live on-air to make him so curt with Cohn but like myself I think he's still trying to figure out who the Yellow King is in True Detective.

It's obvious after episode 7 who the Yellow King is Griffey.  In fact he's been in Seattle the whole time.




Now stop being an asshole and put a smile on your face Griffey.  I got a shoebox full of '89 Upper Deck rookie cards that was suppose to pay for my new liver by now.


NHL Ref Gets Sucker Punched



The lesson to be learned here kids is to always keep your head on a swivel.  Also karma is a bitch because we all know, even the ref here, that stripes probably had it coming to him.

Monday, March 03, 2014

Exclusive Picture of Matthew McConaughey and Leo DiCaprio having lunch today


Gotta feel for old Leo here.  Matthew McConaughey completely cuckholded with this power move at lunch with his new friend Oscar.  McConaughey is on a roll now after his winning performance in "Dallas Buyers Club" and his brilliant performance as Rust Cohle on HBO's True Detective.  

Wooderson is L-I-V-I-N!

ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT.


P.S.- It's complete BS that Dicaprio doesn't have an Oscar win already.  He should have won it for his brilliant performance as Johnny Depp's retarded brother in "What's Eating Gilbert Grape?"  This is what pisses me off about the Oscars.  How does Val Kilmer not even get a nomination for his work as Doc Holliday or Jim Morrison?  Absofuckinglutely makes no sense.


Brian Kelly Post Practice Media Session Has High Praise for Everett Golson



By nearly all accounts returning redshirt junior QB Everett Golson looked sharp today in practice after taking nearly a year off due to an academic suspension.  Golson worked with noted quarterback guru coach George Whitfield during his suspension and you could tell by his practice videos that they paid off.  Golson's throwing motion is a lot more compact and now that he is using the laces (he didn't before) he's getting a tighter spiral with more accuracy hitting his receivers in stride.  Golson has also put on 15 pounds and he looks a lot more physical.

I know it's only spring practice but with Notre Dame returning a top 5 offensive line unit along with multiple playmakers at every skill position it should be expected that Golson puts up Heisman Trophy discussion numbers.  Golson has all the tools and as a redshirt freshman he took Notre Dame to the BCS Championship Game while playing admirably against a loaded Bama squad.  He should only be better this year.

Prediction: Golson throws for over 3000 yards with 25 TDs through the air.  He also runs for 300 plus yards and 6 TDs while leading the Fighting Irish to a 10-2 regular season.


Be sure to check out Irish Illustrated for more up-to-date practice videos.