Tuesday, August 28, 2012

We Are Off To Ireland



Ruh roh. Forget about Hurricane Isaac. Hurricane SportsCrack is about to invade Ireland. It's going to get ugly no doubt. No one will be spared.

I'm about to board a flight with my Dad to the Motherland. Many of pints will be consumed. Golf clubs will be swung..badly. And of course we will be watching the "Fighting Irish" of Notre Dame destroy the Naval Academy on Saturday.

There will be no shipping of our kick ass SportsCrack shirts between August 29th-September 2nd. So please don't email me, call me, or ask me where your shirt is. I'm on vacation bitches! And the only thing I'm worried about is my liver surviving on "MY ISLAND." When I get back everything will be back to normal...translation I will be back and drinking on the job as usual.

Peace and Go Irish!

Monday, August 27, 2012

4 DAYS



You feel that tingle deep down in your nutsack? Yeah, that's college football coming. It's about to hit you as hard as a LeGarrette Blount sucker punch.

Sports Anchor Rebecca Hall Tells Vin Scully To Get His Shit Together



I tell you kids these days have no respect. Los Angeles Dodgers announcer Vin Scully is a living legend. And yet this little hussy challenges him to "get his shit together." Obviously his shit is in his diaper. Seriously where is the respect?

Thursday, August 23, 2012

Everett Golson Named Notre Dame Starting Quarterback...Finally



What has been rumored for months across messageboards and coffee shops (bad example, most people in Starbucks aren't football fans) will finally come to fruition tonight: head coach Brian Kelly will name redshirt freshman Everett Golson the starting quarterback.

Exhale and breath ND Nation. No need to worry about Dayne Crist (transfer), Tommy Rees (suspended), Andrew Hendrix (too erratic), or Gunner Kiel (too young) taking that first snap in Dublin in 10 days and fucking up the season with another costly turnover. It's Golson time!

As you probably know I've been on the Golson bandwagon ever since he picked Notre Dame. Golson isn't the tallest (6'0) or the biggest (185 lbs) but he has that certain "IT" when it comes to college quarterback winner. You can just look at his play and say "HOLY SHIT THIS KID CAN BALL OUT!" He won state titles in football (2 of them) and basketball while in high school. The kid is a flat out winner and knows how to put in the work to be the starter and the leader of a young Fighting Irish team facing the nation's most difficult schedule.

Notre Dame people want to compare him to 1988 National Championship QB Tony Rice because they are both black and from the state of South Carolina. But if I were to compare Golson to somebody it would be a Drew Brees or a Joe Hamilton. Relatively short guy with incredible pocket presence who is accurate and can tuck the ball and run when need be but is looking to pass first. This describes Golson and Notre Dame fans should be jumping for the moon because the limits are endless with Everett behind center.

The Golden Boy has finally arrived. But I call him the Golson One.

Oregon Revealed Their 2012 New Uniforms and We Have Their Liquidmetal Helmets For Sale



Yesterday Nike and Oregon revealed their new 2012 uniforms with a catchy but not really slogan "Oregon is faster." While tame compared to past uniforms Oregon has brought back the very cool looking Liquidmetal helmets they wore in the Rose Bowl. It looks like something the Terminator would wear if he wasn't pile driving Mexican housemaids.



The good news is we have 2 of them for sale. The bad news is they aren't cheap. $980 isn't pocket change by any means but this helmet will get you laid more often than those shitty new Lebron shoes.

Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Rangers Pitchers Derek Holland and Ryan Dempster Do A Good Harry Caray Impression



Via HotClicks

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Michigan Football: Male or Female? You Be The Judge



Michigan getting a #1 vote in the AP Poll is almost as confusing as this picture of Jake Ryan. I seriously thought this picture was a girl. I still think it might. But according to MGoBlue she...I mean he...will be the starting linebacker for the Michigan Wolverines this fall. And people wonder why Augusta National let in the women. Michigan was clearly the first domino to fall.

Image via Ryan Wykle

Junior Seau Committed Suicide Because of a Sleep Aide?



Months ago the tragic suicide death of former All-Pro linebacker Junior Seau was put on the pedestal of why the NFL needs to be held accountable for concussions and their health consequences. The media was quick to point out Seau's multiple concussions and it's probable cause of his suicide.

Fast forward to today when the Medical Examiner in San Diego issued Seau's toxicology report which revealed trace amounts of zolpidem, commonly known as Ambien, a drug used to treat insomnia, which has been linked to side effects of depression and suicidal thoughts.

Those close to Seau also said he had trouble sleeping for years and did not always take the sleep aids as directed. Nancy Emsley, who often worked out with Seau at a local gym, said she lectured Seau that he needed to sleep for eight hours after taking one. “He just rolled his eyes,” she said.


Well maybe the concussions led to Seau's insomnia but I think it is prudent to point out that Ambien was the most likely cause of Seau's decision to take his life. And the scary part is he probably thought it was the hits in the NFL he took that were giving him those crazy thoughts running through his head and not the little pill he popped because Seau had a hard time falling asleep.

In short don't always believe what you hear and pills are not the answer.

Sincerely,

Your Dad

What Hurts Worse? This Hit on Michael Vick's Ribs or...



...a dog getting electrocuted? I don't know about you but I think a bunch of dogs getting electrocuted probably hurts worse than a hit to the ribs. But yeah Michael Vick is a guy to root for.

Don't worry Philly or Vick fans. He will be fine. Just some bruised ribs. He's got a whole season left to let you down.

Monday, August 20, 2012

Danica Patrick Has a Potty Mouth



Typical woman driver. Blaming everyone else for their fuck up. Get back in the kitchen Danica.

Sunday, August 19, 2012

Money Ball Scores When He Wants T-Shirt



Money Ball Scores When He Wants t-shirts are now available. Wisconsin peeps asked for them and we delivered. Kids and adult sizes are available. Order your Money Ball shirt today. Limited quantities available.

Friday, August 17, 2012

Just Your Normal Everyday $1700 Alabama Crimson Tide Back Tattoo



That monstrosity is Bama fan Zack Smartt's new back tattoo. It took 10.5 hours and cost him $1700. Holy fucking shit! I wonder what his cellmate will think of it in a couple of years?

Via Busted Coverage

Thursday, August 16, 2012

Notre Dame Shamrock Series Techfit Uniforms Revealed, Internet Explodes



First off I will admit I'm not the biggest fan of these new Notre Dame "Shamrock Series" uniforms. They look kind of like Michigan's uniforms. The jerseys aren't that bad. But the helmet is...well...two sided. I don't get it. I don't mind the leprechaun on the helmet and I actually think it looks good with the navy helmet but they should have put it on both sides and made the helmet all navy. The leprechaun is reversed on the left side which throws me off. I've never seen the Fighting Irish guy facing to the left. But you know what? It's honestly not that big of a deal. It's a fucking uniform. As long as they keep their colors in it (navy, gold, white, and green) then it's cool. Plus it's only for one game and Notre Dame is going to be the shit out of Miami with them on so I'm cool with it. Just win baby!



In the meantime you owe it to yourself to order the official "Catholics vs Convicts" t-shirt. Only $17. Order today!

Usain Bolt's New Gatorade Commercial



Pretty cool commercial for the second fastest man in the world according to Denard Robinson.

Via Darren Rovell

Cal Ripken Jr. Is Auctioning Off His Chevy Suburban, Same Car He Drove During Record Breaking Streak



If you are looking for an extremely unique piece of memorabilia that in fact you can drive to your favorite ballpark then check out this 1994 Chevy Suburban that was driven by Cal Ripken Jr. for several years. Hunt Auctions is starting off the bidding at $25,000.

1994 Chevy Suburban driven by Cal Ripken Jr. for several years during his legendary career. The vehicle was driven by Cal to Oriole Park the historic nights he tied and broke Lou Gehrig’s consecutive games played record, September 5 & 6, 1995. Ripken also drove the Suburban to Orioles post-season games in 1996 and 1997.


Well shit fire. I'm actually in the market for an automobile. The SportsCrack truck is on it's last legs and what would be a better truck to haul around boxes full of shirts then Ripken's very own Suburban? This is no coincidence folks. I have to have this truck!

Wednesday, August 15, 2012

King Felix Throws Perfect Game



29% of all perfect games in MLB history have happened in the last 3 seasons. It should be higher if Armando Galarraga didn't get robbed by umpire Jim Joyce. So what does it all mean? I guess steroids do actually work for hitters.

Congratulations go out to Felix Hernandez on the perfect game. He should thank his defense. They made a lot of clutch plays to keep the perfecto intact. 27 up. 27 down. Amazing.

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Dodgers reliever Randy Choate with the glove save and a beauty



A millisecond too late and Randy Choate would be in a hospital right now suffering from hamburger face. Just a beautiful glove save here. Marty Brodeur has nothing on Choate.

Via HotClicks

"Baby Got Back" Sung By the Movies



The world is a better place with this "Baby Got Back" song edited with clips from 295 films. It put a smile on my face. Hope it worked for you too.

Monday, August 13, 2012

Rajai Davis Robs Casey McGehee In Toronto



Talk about scaling a wall. Toronto Blue Jays outfielder Rajai Davis pulled some SpiderMan shit with this spectacular grab to rob the Yankees Casey McGehee of a home run.

Another Reason to Love College Football: Walk-On Rewarded for Hard Work



I don't care who you are a fan of if this video doesn't get you hyped up for college football then just leave already. Vanderbilt head coach James Franklin rewards the dedication and hard work of walk-on Mark Panu with a full scholarship in front of his teammates. Awesome. Now I get an idea of why Franklin has been stealing recruits from the likes of Tennessee.

Via TheBigLead

Thursday, August 09, 2012

Can I Jam Music Video



Don't even lie. You laughed your ass off. "Can I jam my privates in your privates" is going to be the new hit song of the summer. Forget about that Gotye song or "Call Me Maybe" because this shit is going to be played at every club, party, ball game, bar mitzah for the next 6 months.

Via BarStoolSports

McKayla Maroney teaches Jenna Bush How To Do The Dougie



Gymnast McKayla Maroney is on a rampage in England. She's doing the Dougie on top of those famous double decker buses while being whisked around London. Be afraid London. Be very afraid. We might steal your balding Prince.

Orioles Call Up Top Prospect Manny Machado

Last night the surprising Baltimore Orioles finished off sweeping the Seattle Mariners to maintain a tie for the Wild Card lead with 49 games left but what happened after was even more shocking: they called up top position prospect Manny Machado from AA Bowie. Wow!

Machado just turned 20 and the shortstop is rated the #9 best prospect in the game. It was expected or widely forecast that he wouldn't make an impact on the big league club till 2013 at the earliest. Tonight he will start at third base against the Kansas City Royals. Hot Damn!

"Manny can be a plus and help the team," Orioles executive vice president of baseball operations Dan Duquette said. "The kid has a lot ot talent. It sounds like Buck will play him at third base."


Machado was the third overall pick in the 2010 MLB draft out of high school in Miami. He has played only 2 games at third base with the majority of his time at shortstop. Shortstop is occupied by JJ Hardy and they don't plan on moving Hardy any time soon. The Orioles have struggled to get production out of third base all season with the combination of Mark Reynolds and Wilson Betemit both at the plate and defensively. Machado is considered to have a plus glove.

Whether or not this is the right move for the Orioles organization remains to be seen. Some consider rushing a prospect to the Majors not a good move because of fear of ruining one's confidence. I can see the rationale in the thinking but if you got the enormous talent like Machado possesses he will adjust his game and be fine. The good thing about the Orioles position right now is they aren't putting all their stock and future on Machado's shoulders. He isn't seen as the savior. He is just another piece to hopefully getting them into the playoffs for the first time in 15 years.

In other words: Don't Fuck It Up Kid!

Oh yeah and good luck.

Wednesday, August 08, 2012

Yankees Pitcher Cody Eppley Hit In The Head By Own Teammate



I know all of you are concerned about Yankees pitcher Cody Eppley. He's going to be ok. Just a little boo boo on his noggin from taking one from teammate Eric Chavez last night. The mental anguish might not be enough for Eppley to handle though so I've been told he is suing Rawlings for making the ball, Detroit for building a baseball stadium with inadequate warning signs for thrown balls, and every fan in the stands including the commentators for not alerting him of the dangers of a baseball thrown from a teammate. Hey it's the American way right? Let's blame others because it's so much easier. It's what God would want.

/mulls over lawsuit vs Busch Light for explosive bloody diarrhea.

How to Eat Noodles Like a Boss Commercial



This guy is my new hero. Not only can he slam down Ramen with the best of them while pouring scolding hot water down his throat and doing lines of chili pepper right in front of his female coworkers but the guy screams "FAWK BITCHES" to top it all off. Even the Asians have better commercials then us. Not only are we losing the medal count to fucking communist China but are commercials look like Lolo Jones trying to compete on the grand stage. Time to tighten it up America.

Tuesday, August 07, 2012

Usain Bolt Stops Interview To Pay Respect To National Anthem



The world's fastest man Usain Bolt stopped an interview the other night to pay respect to our national anthem which was being played for gold medalist Sanya Richards-Ross. I just want to give big props to Bolt for doing it. He didn't have to but he wanted to show respect to another Olympic champ. Very cool.

Germany's Stephan Feck With The Astonishing Back Dive



Sign this fucker up Wheaties! Germany's Stephan Feck went above and beyond the call of duty with this classic dive. Years from now, shit maybe days from now, nobody will even remember who won the men's springboard 3m dive but they sure as shit will remember this classic fuck up by Feck. I'm thinking this dive left a mark.

Via TheBigLead

Friday, August 03, 2012

Will Ferrell Is Very Emotional Over Kristen Stewart's Cheating Ways



Coming to a theater in 2013...the newest and latest and even more boring part of the Twilight Series comes...The Trampire! Watch how a young starlet caves to the temptations of an older married man with kids. Sounds epic.

Brian Kelly Breaks Down Notre Dame Going Into Fall Camp



I know that head coach Brian Kelly likes to run an up-tempo offense that gets the ball into the endzone as quickly as possible but I think for the Fighting Irish to be successful under redshirt freshman QB Everett Golson they need to slow things down for at least the beginning of the season.

With relatively easy games against Navy and Purdue to start off the season my hope would be Kelly will run a scaled down offense with about 10-15 plays that Golson can execute flawlessly. This isn't the NFL we are talking about. Auburn ran about 10 plays when they rode Cam Newton all the way to a BCS Title and their defense wasn't that strong. Now granted Cam is a freak and Golson is not the same talent but if you look at the weapons around Golson (Cierre Wood, Theo Riddick, GA3, Tyler Eifert, and a veteran offensive line returning) he should be able to get the ball into his playmaker's hands if they don't make the offense too complicated for a first year starter.

Personally I think Golson is going to be a star. He's got all the intangibles and talent to be the most successful Notre Dame quarterback since Tony Rice was behind center. But you got to ease kids into starting roles and obviously that is no easy task especially as the quarterback at a school like Notre Dame. The Irish should be able to run the ball with Wood, Riddick, GA3, and transfer Amir Carlisle all coming back who know how to do all the little things to help protect a QB even when they aren't getting the ball.

If Notre Dame can keep the offense simple and keep Golson healthy they can win 9-10 games this year despite the brutal schedule. It's up to Kelly to have these kids prepared and I think he along with the fan base have to be patient with the development of Golson. Golson for better or worse is the golden egg. No need to break it before it's ready.

Sorry Russia, Gabby Douglas Takes The Gold



Don't get me wrong silver and bronze medals are nice. If NOT winning is what your goal is. If you live in Russia this means you and your family don't get milk and bread for the next 4 years since you disgraced the Motherland.

SportsCrack would like to send a big ole congrats to Gabby Douglas for winning the individual all-around gymnastics gold. This is her second gold medal in two days after winning one with the "Fab 5" and it's already paying off in endorsements. Reportedly Kellogg's Corn Flakes will pay Gabby over a million dollars to grace her winning image on their cereal boxes.


Oh and don't worry about the Russian girls. They will make appearances on Russian milk cartons soon. The missing section of course.

Zack Cozart With The Diving Double Play



Less than 4 weeks till college football kicks off. But yeah this was a great play by Reds shortstop Zack Cozart. Did I mention college football is less than 28 days away? America. Fuck yeah!