Well there you go. I've officially seen it all. Two Norwegian trolls just humping it up at a horse race.
Friday, March 30, 2012
Thursday, March 29, 2012
Yeah I know what you are thinking. This is a clear case of a "Hate Crime." Both of these old fuckers can't stand each other because one wears Kentucky blue while the other wears Louisville blood red. It's just a matter of time before Jessie Jackson and that other fat bastard show up for the cameras.
Anyways on to the actual game this weekend. Has there ever been a bigger match up of two coaches who just ooze sleaziness? You have Calipari vs Pitino. It's like rooting for your favorite politician or car salesman. Two dirty dirtbags who five years from now will be long gone from the Bluegrass state but will leave probation behind.
It hurts to say but I will be rooting for Kentucky here. Not because I like them or have some blind allegiance to a SEC team like some of my inbred friends down here in Atlanta but because I have cold hard cash on them winning the National Title. I may not like Kentucky, Calipari, or that kid with a smear shit stain for an eyebrow but I do like the green.
Video via The Big Lead via Kentucky Sports Radio
Posted by Matt Fairchild (firstname.lastname@example.org) at 11:48 AM
Returning All-American safety Bacari Rambo came back for his senior season to not only improve his draft status, have fun in Athens and hopefully get his degree (seriously do they give those out?) but to partake in some pot brownies during Spring Break.
Yes you read that right. Rambo has been suspended the first 4 games of the season because he failed a drug test and is blaming the pot brownies according to his high school coach.
Rambo tested positive after eating some brownies that he did not realize contained marijuana during a spring break trip with friends to Panama City, Fla., according to Ingram, who has talked to Rambo.
“Some kids had them that were staying with him and he said he got high,” Ingram said. “He thought the things had marijuana in them. He sat there a couple of hours and didn’t know what to do. He said he if he turned himself in he’d get a four-game suspension for a second offense.”
Rambo was suspended for the season-opener last year against Boise State. He tied for second in the nation in interceptions.
“He said he was tested five or six times last year and came back clean,” Ingram said. “He said, 'Coach, I’m not stupid. I came back to the University of Georgia to be an All-American two years in a row. I could have went in the NFL.’”
Ingram, who said he speaks to Rambo a couple of times a week, portrayed Rambo as a two-time victim of circumstance.
Losing Rambo is huge considering the Bulldogs secondary is already depleted with depth issues. In fact last week they made the puzzling move of switching positions of freshman All-American WR Malcolm Mitchell to cornerback and now it becomes more apparent why they had to make the move. Cornerback Sanders Commings is suspended for the first 2 games and the other corner Branden Smith is also facing at least an one game suspension for possession of marijuana. Three other players including two corners were kicked off the team in February when they stole items from a dorm room.
Luckily for the Dawgs their schedule isn't too difficult early on with Buffalo, Florida Atlantic, and Vanderbilt within the first 4 games but the trip in week 2 to Columbia, Missouri to face a Mizzou team that will be hyped up playing it's first SEC game. Oh and did I mention starting linebacker Alec Ogletree is suspended two games for violation of team rules too?
Basically the same shit happens every offseason for Georgia. It's a good thing they gave head coach Mark Richt a big extension though with his stellar 3 year run going.
Posted by Matt Fairchild (email@example.com) at 10:54 AM
The biggest question going into this spring for the Notre Dame football program was who would earn the starting quarterback position going into the 2012 season? If you watched last season you clearly see the difference between Notre Dame being a 11-2 or 12-1 BCS team and instead finishing a disappointing 8-5 again last season were the obvious deficiencies in the quarterback position. Last season Dayne Crist, Tommy Rees, and Andrew Hendrix all did one thing that held Notre Dame's program from being elite: they turned the ball over.
Crist was suppose to be the next Brady Quinn. He looked the part and had the size, smarts, and charisma to become "the guy." Unfortunately multiple knee injuries and a "deer in headlights" performance when big situations were needed from Dayne prevented him from reaching his potential. Crist was benched after a horrific first half against South Florida in the first game. Crist has now transferred to Kansas to finish out his career. Sophomore Tommy Rees replaced Crist in South Florida and despite having some good moments (led a spirited 2nd half comeback vs USF) he quickly earned the nickname "Turnover Tommy." Rees is the least talented of all the returning QBs on the roster but he has the best knowledge of the playbook which in head coach Brian Kelly's mind gave him the leg up last season. Rees also has the most experience with 16 starts under his belt.
But let me be perfectly clear on one thing: if Rees starts next season the Fighting Irish are in serious trouble. I like Rees but his limitations are obvious: he doesn't have a strong arm and he folds quicker than origami under pressure because he is extremely slow footed. He also had 14 interceptions, tons of lost fumbles, and got sacked not because the offensive line brokedown but because he has the escapability of a blind snail. So honestly if Rees starts vs Navy in Ireland you should be very afraid if you are a Notre Dame fan because it's going to be a very long and tedious season.
Which brings us to the other 3 guys vying for the starting position. Let's start off with Andrew Hendrix. Hendrix will be a junior academically and has a much stronger arm than Rees. He also can tuck the ball and run and in his limited playing time nearly racked up 200 yards on the ground including a 78 yard scamper vs Air Force. Hendrix threw only 37 passes last season but from what I saw he definitely had better zip and threw a much tighter spiral with a quicker release than Rees. The only problem was like Rees he is a turnover machine and it never seemed like he was in control of the offense. If Hendrix is starting in 2012 I would also be very afraid of the consequences.
Which leads us to the two guys who have yet to take a snap for Notre Dame: redshirt freshman Everett Golson and true freshman Gunner Kiel.
First of all let's talk about Kiel. Kiel is the nephew of Blair Kiel who was a star QB back in the early 80's at ND. Gunner is also the #1 prep quarterback from last season and the most highly recruited since Jimmy Clausen arrived in a limo 5 years ago. Gunner has great mechanics and has the body to start right away. What he doesn't have is the experience or the respect from the other players to be given full confidence as a starter from coach Kelly. No true freshman should be expected to start in major collegiate football and the best thing for Kiel and the program is to be on the red hat brigade on the sidelines and learn by watching.
So that leaves us with who I think is the best option: Golson. Golson enrolled early at Notre Dame last season and while he didn't see any gametime during his freshman season he did earn Scout team MVP. If you have had the chance to watch Golson in high school down in South Carolina the first person I thought of when seeing him make spectacular throws and eluding the defense while playing some really good competition in the Palmetto State was former Heisman Trophy winner Charlie Ward of FSU. Just like Ward Golson isn't a big guy (generously listed at 6 foot 185 but more like 5'10 175) but he ran a spread offense in high school that used his natural abilities of quick release, strong arm, accuracy of throws and the ability to tuck and run to the best of his abilities. He won multiple state championships in football and also won them in basketball as the starting point guard. Can you see the similarities with Ward who also won in the NBA? The only thing that separated Golson from being a 5 star can't miss prospect coming out of high school was a couple of inches in height. In college it won't matter.
From what I have been hearing from current players on the roster and some who have gone on is that Golson is THE MAN. I've also heard that Coach Kelly knows this and the reason why the QB position is still wide open (according to what Kelly gives the media) is because he doesn't want anybody to transfer going into the fall. This is obviously a smart move since injuries do happen. But make no mistake Golson is the best QB for Notre Dame right now. I've heard he is perfectly suited for Kelly's spread attack offense and despite having some struggles picking it up last season during a difficult transition year being a freshman his knowledge and more importantly his confidence have risen exponentially. Golson keeps his head on a swivel and also downfield at all times even when pressured. You would think with his athletic ability he would be looking to run first when given the chance but Golson keeps his eyes towards his X, Y, and Z targets and delivers a great ball for his receivers to make plays in the open field.
2012 will hopefully be the year of the Mt. Everett. In order for Notre Dame to get back to reaching the pinnacle of the college football landscape they are going to need Golson to be the leader and show them the way. And much like Charlie Ward with what he did while at FSU I think Golson will be the guy come game time in Dublin.
Posted by Matt Fairchild (firstname.lastname@example.org) at 8:45 AM
SportsGrid.com has this spectacular .gif of Atlanta Braves right fielder Jason Heyward robbing the Yankees Raul Ibanez of a home run. This is definitely one of the better catches I have seen in a while and for a guy with the stature of Heyward (listed 6'5 and 240 lbs) shows how nimble of an athlete he is.
Sometimes it's hard to remember how young Heyward really is and at the age of 22 he still has a lot of baseball in him. Yes last year he struggled mightily in his sophomore season because he continued to try to pull the ball just like the end of his rookie season.
Heyward has obvious holes in his swing and when he is off he rolls his hands and hits grounders to the right side. Chipper Jones has been working on Heyward's swing path and his ability to drive the ball up the middle and to the opposite field since last year. With Heyward's god given ability there is no physical reason why he shouldn't be a Major League superstar barring injuries. But the key for Heyward this season and moving forward is to listen to guys like Chipper and follow the ball to the bat and try not to yank everything to the right side of the field. Heyward has an excellent eye so it's really just a mental part of the game he needs to get over. Can he do it? Sure. Will he do it? The 2012 season will be a good barometer.
There is little doubt the Braves need Heyward to be a superstar in order to contend for a playoff spot in a division that got much harder this offseason with the Nationals and Marlins both making significant upgrades in personnel. If Heyward can make adjustments like rookie Freddie Freeman did last season then I can see him putting up good numbers (.360 OBA, .800 plus OPS, drive in 100 plus) in a spot in the lineup with plenty of protections with guys like Dan Uggla, Brian McCann, Freeman, Chipper, and Martin Prado hitting around the big guy. Heyward has to step up and be the superstar everyone projected him to be when he took Carlos Zambrano's fastball on Opening Day and sent it express shipping to the Varsity.
The good news for Braves fans is Heyward is making adjustments this spring. Despite a slow start yesterday he hit a clutch, game tying 2-run bomb in the ninth. It was Heyward's 3rd homer of the spring and helped push his average over the infamous Mendoza line to .209. He still has a ways to go but as I mentioned before he is still young and it's way too early to give up on him like Jeff Francoeur. Hopefully his career progresses like the Chippers, McCanns, and now Freemans of Braves farmhands so Heyward can become the face of the franchise again.
Basically no more excuses for Heyward. It's time to perform in his 3rd big league season or it's going to be another long season for the Bravos.
Posted by Matt Fairchild (email@example.com) at 8:06 AM
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
The referees should have let it count. It look like it was out of Marcus Camby's hand just as the clock hit "zero point zero." It's time to protest people. Everybody needs to show up at their local state capital in a Rocket's Camby Jersey with a basketball in their hand. We can't let this injustice break our country.
Video via Hot Clicks
Posted by Matt Fairchild (firstname.lastname@example.org) at 9:45 AM
Monday, March 26, 2012
I absolutely love the passion displayed here by pitching coach Buddy York. You can tell he wants to win more than any of those players in that locker room. With that being said it's hard not to chuckle at some guy wearing a 'PEANUTS" uniform screaming obscenities. I mean it's human nature to laugh a little right? The guy has a fucking smiling peanut slapped on his chest.
Everything York said here was correct. It drives me insane when a pitcher gets behind in the count 2-0 especially if you are out in the field. It's hot as shit and we are wearing pants and all I can think about is the cold beer, I mean water, in the dugout that is just calling my name. Let the hitter hit and the defense make the plays is my motto. There is nothing worse than standing out on a scorching field with your pitcher throwing ball after ball and your sweaty nuts are swollen inside your uncomfortable cup because Smoke can't find the strike zone.
I give York a solid 8 on the speech. I was waiting for him to throw some shit or cut a player off the team. Now watch York lose his job because he used naughty words and some pussy complains to the GM.
Posted by Matt Fairchild (email@example.com) at 1:29 PM
Big League Stew has discovered the back-to-back American League Champions Texas Rangers will be serving a monster size hot dog the length of a baseball bat with a pound of pork and Josh Hamilton fall off the wagon hooker spit included. Ok I will admit the hooker spit is not yet included. Apparently the marketing department frowns on it. I'm not a big hot dog fan (cue the gay jokes) but I've always been an Italian sausage and/or brat type of guy. The best sausage I've ever gotten (again cue the gay jokes) was in Oakland back in the late 80's when the Bash Brothers were sticking needles in their asses. It was called a red hot and holy shit that thing lived up to it's billing. My Dad and I were sweating harder than Doc Gooden in a Manhattan night club stall.
Any ways the Rangers claim this $26 baseball bat of a dog can feed a family of four. Everything apparently is bigger in Texas including the stadium dogs and with toppings including cheese, onions, and peppers I hope the toilets are lot bigger too. I feel a bowel movement stirring in the bullpen just staring at that fucking thing.
Posted by Matt Fairchild (firstname.lastname@example.org) at 12:50 PM
Friday, March 23, 2012
The Man...The Myth...The Alabama Face Guy.
Is it just me or do all males from Alabama talk with a southern lisp? It's almost as if instead of circumcision they decide to sting the boys with yellow jackets on their tongue as a rite of passage.
Posted by Matt Fairchild (email@example.com) at 8:40 AM
I've never heard of this Jason Smith fellow before this clip but next time he decides to take out Blake Griffin I would recommend wrapping up. Shoulder tackles are so fucking Pop Warner it's not even funny.
Of course leave it up to the people of New Orleans to give Smith a standing ovation for the cheap shot. How anybody ever felt good for that fucking city when the Saints won a Super Bowl clearly had the DNA of Satan himself.
If you look closely you can see Sean Payton slipping Smith an envelope of cash as he left the court.
Posted by Matt Fairchild (firstname.lastname@example.org) at 8:25 AM
As if the Yankees didn't have enough shit to deal with when it comes to Joba Chamberlain and his expanding waistline now they have to grapple with a serious ankle injury from get this: playing with his son on a trampoline. What an asshole this Joba guy is! I mean if you are going to have a significant ankle injury as GM Brian Cashman calls it you might as well do it in the Mickey Mantle noble way of hitting a base awkwardly or slipping in a drunken haze while trying to stuff a 10 spot in Ginger's garter at Scores.
When reached for comment on the seriousness of his ankle injury while still battling his way back in rehab from Tommy John surgery last season Joba was his typical aloof self...
Posted by Matt Fairchild (email@example.com) at 8:08 AM
I mean look at that blow just everywhere. This is why when you're in Hollywood you get a coke dealer who doesn't go to treatment centers with Michael J Fox. Columbian bam bam fucking everywhere.
By the way this has to be some kind of fake publicity stunt right? She gets bombed right on the red carpet, goes in the back, and comes out look brand new and fresh. Only cyborgs and Joan Rivers are capable of shit that fast.
Posted by Matt Fairchild (firstname.lastname@example.org) at 7:24 AM
Thursday, March 22, 2012
Mother Russia literally has huge shit explosions from their sewers. Yeah I think I will pass on the shit sandwich today thank you very much. You know one of those poor bastards was just walking to get their ration of bread and vodka and next you know they have a fresh nugget wedged in their mouth.
Posted by Matt Fairchild (email@example.com) at 8:28 AM
Fucking hysterical. You can't trust those New Yorkers with their luscious apples. Beware of the forbidden fruit Tebow.
Posted by Matt Fairchild (firstname.lastname@example.org) at 8:00 AM
This will be it for Chipper Jones.
The Braves third baseman will announce later today that he is playing his final season.
According to a statement by the team, the Braves and Jones have expressed interest in rejoining the organization in a yet-to-be-determined capacity after 2012.
I'm not going to lie. It's going to be really hard to see Chipper walk away from the game. He is one of the three best switch hitters of all-time (Mickey Mantle and Eddie Murray) and he's been a fixture in the Braves lineup since the early 90's when the Braves were rattling off division titles. He's only played for one franchise and he's taken less money to stay in Atlanta. If you are a die hard Braves fan like myself you can't have anything but respect for him and the way he has played his entire career.
It's going to be hard to imagine not seeing old #10 out there on the field. Along with Murphy, Horner, Smoltz, Andruw, and McCann he will go down as one of my favorite Braves of all-time. The first ballot Hall of Famer from what I've heard wants to coach the Braves and my hope is the franchise gives him a position whether it be hitting or base coach almost immediately upon retirement. Chipper has the acumen and knowledge to be a good manager in the not too distant future. If Ozzie Guillen can win a World Series managing the White Sox there is little reason to think Chipper can't with the Braves.
Thanks for all the memories Chip. Hopefully there will be many more after your playing career is over. Now let's hop on that crazy train and make 2012 a memorable one. Go out with a bang for the lonely Hooters waitress.
Posted by Matt Fairchild (email@example.com) at 7:14 AM
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell waved his iron fist and then pounded it right on the Fleur De lis in New Orleans for the "BountyGate" fiasco today.
Here is what Goodell has taken away from the Saints, or now called the Taints.
-Head Coach Sean Payton suspended one year.
-Assistant coach Mickey Loomis suspended 8 games.
-Saints fined $500,000
-2nd round draft pick in 2012 and 2013.
Basically Roger pulled out his white glove and bitch slapped the Saints franchise. To say it's been a bad offseason for New Orleans would be an understatement. They have lost personnel, alienated their franchise QB, and now have been basically put on sanctions while losing scholarships. The good news is the city has not flooded...yet.
2012 does appear to be the end. The end of the Saints franchise that is.
Posted by Matt Fairchild (firstname.lastname@example.org) at 11:28 AM
If there was any lingering doubts whether Peyton Manning was in fact the only man in Denver who would be taking starting snaps behind center without annoying Tim Tebow questions being pestered at him those changed today upon news that Tebow has been traded to the New York Jets.
Tebow will now be a Jet and the Broncos will get a 4th round draft pick this year.
So now the media firestorm surrounding Tebow will move from Denver to New York with the most polarizing quarterback to play near Broadway since Joe Namath himself. I wonder what Mark Sanchez thinks about all this?
Sanchez shouldn't worry too much because Tebow is about as accurate of a passer as himself. Oh shit he should be worried. The first time Sanchez throws an interception you know the fans and media will be screaming for Jesus, I mean Tebow, to come in and save the day. If anything Tebow going to New York is going to dominate the headlines for at least the next few months. Wildcat talk will be all the rage on ESPN and I'm sure we will cross examine the personal lives of Sanchez and Tebow so much that neither will be beloved in NY.
It's kind of funny though we are in late March when college basketball and the upcoming baseball season should be all the rage of talk yet we can't get enough football whether it be college or the NFL. It's almost like we have a Tebowner for the pigskin.
In the meantime I got some Jesus 15 shirts I need to get rid of. Any takers? Should I just go ahead and ship them to Haiti?
Posted by Matt Fairchild (email@example.com) at 9:51 AM
Oh great, what's next? Voting or perhaps letting them drive. What is this world coming to?
Posted by Matt Fairchild (firstname.lastname@example.org) at 7:42 AM
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
Sure Ohio State had it's Liar Liar Vest on Fire scandal and Miami had it's Boats N Hoes but this new story about Oklahoma State taking out life insurance policies on their own boosters makes me sick to my stomach. Seriously I got to take a shit after reading this...
T. Boone gave some bad advice. Oklahoma State’s athletics department took out $10 million life insurance polices on 27 elderly boosters in 2007. The scheme was expected to reel in as much as $350 million. The Cowboys paid $33 million in premiums over two years before canceling the policies in 2009, when not one of the old codgers passed from this earth.
OSU tried to get out on a technicality, though a U.S. District Judge ruled the life insurance company could keep the money. This is sort of like that time where the athletics department lost $77 million investing in T. Boone’s hedge fund before the financial crisis.
How is this even legal? Taking out life insurance policies on some of your old boosters just smells wrong. I know college football programs gamble every year with huge overhead but you have to be kidding me with this shit.
I think we have to make a shirt for this right? It only seems fair. Best idea sent in gets a FREE SHIRT.
Posted by Matt Fairchild (email@example.com) at 11:23 AM
Here is our newest shirt called MILE HIGH MANNING. You may have heard the news about some guy named Peyton Manning going to Denver. 6 foot 5 with a rocket arm now in the Mile High City.
Taking preorders today. Adult sizes S-3XL.
Click here to order MILE HIGH MANNING SHIRTS
Posted by Matt Fairchild (firstname.lastname@example.org) at 10:26 AM
3 separate fights right off the opening faceoff! God I forgot how much I miss hockey. If you aren't a hockey fan it would be hard to explain but for my money the most entertaining live sport to go to is hockey. The passion, speed, hitting, passing, changing lines all on the fly while skating on a thin sheet of ice is often poetic. Clearly the New York Rangers and New Jersey Devils have a deep desire to beat the shit out of each other with fisticuffs and whom am I to argue?
The Rangers mean while "punched" their tickets to the playoffs with a 4-2 win. They have the #1 seed in the Eastern Conference with 10 games to play and a 3 point lead over the Pittsburgh Penguins. Good for them.
Posted by Matt Fairchild (email@example.com) at 7:02 AM
Monday, March 19, 2012
This is just a prototype but I would love to see this helmet implemented for one game next season. The first game against Navy in Ireland would be perfect with the shamrock on it in my opinion. What do you think? Do you like it?
Here are some more faux Notre Dame helmet designs.
Posted by Matt Fairchild (firstname.lastname@example.org) at 11:02 AM
Phoenix news anchor Kaley O'Kelley was clearly not ready for the "Peyton Manning to Broncos" news. You got to like the passion she displays and at least she did cry on air like that pussy college kid from St. Louis.
Via Jimmy Traina
Posted by Matt Fairchild (email@example.com) at 10:47 AM
Did someone run over his dog? Did his parents just die in a plane crash? Did he just find out his brother is stricken with stage 4 cancer? Did two of his Final Four teams lose before the weekend? If not then why the fuck is this pussy crying about a basketball game? Good lord this is pathetic. I understand that you are passionate about the game but I would never cry about losing a game. Man the fuck up bro!
Via Barstool Sports
Posted by Matt Fairchild (firstname.lastname@example.org) at 10:09 AM
Well if you ever wondered if Tim Tebow was going to lose his virginity never fear because Peyton Manning just screwed him. Not really but this is definitely a bold move by John Elway and the Denver Broncos organization.
Manning was reportedly down to San Francisco (who just signed Randy Moss and Mario Manningham to help entice Peyton) and Denver and apparently the Elway connection sealed the deal. Supposedly Manning and Elway are close and it probably didn't hurt to know that Elway won two Super Bowls after the age of 35 in Denver. Personally I'm still skeptical that Manning will have anything left in the tank.
So what happens to Tebow? Well Jacksonville would seem like a good fit but they just signed Chad Henne. Brady Quinn is no longer in Denver as he signed a free agent contract with the Chiefs this weekend so there is room for Tebow as a backup to Manning for at least the next year. Manning is one hit from his career being over so it would be a little early to say Tebowmania is done in the Mile High City.
I'm still lost why Manning didn't choose San Francisco. They got to the NFC Championship last year behind a great defense and they have playmakers on the offensive side of the ball in Frank Gore, Michael Crabtree, Vernon Davis, Moss and now Manningham. Plus they have a young, good offensive line and were shopping Alex Smith. The only reason I can think of not going to the 49ers is because Peyton wanted to stay in the AFC.
Posted by Matt Fairchild (email@example.com) at 9:21 AM
Between Stevie shaving his head and eyebrows and Kenny throwing the ultimate Independence Day party that nobody showed up to because his Russian teammate was throwing a rave you had classic Kenny Powers on full force last night. You got racial jokes being thrown out left and right and you even have Kenny's retarded half brother show up. Vintage Powers folks. If you haven't watched this season of Eastbound and Down then you need to do yourself a favor and reattach that needle you call a cock and get on it.
By the way that shirt is fucking awesome.
Posted by Matt Fairchild (firstname.lastname@example.org) at 7:48 AM
And to think I thought my bracket was totally fucked up after Mizzou and FSU both lost this weekend but it doesn't even compare to this Dick Vitale interview on Chicago's WGN New station. My chances of winning any money went in the shitter as soon as Norfolk State couldn't miss a shot against Missouri on Friday. The thing that is the most frustrating is that Missouri didn't play all that bad it's just they couldn't prevent the ball from going into the hoop on defense. FSU just never looked comfortable yesterday versus Cincy and two late turnovers by Luke Loucks sealed the Semenholes fate.
My championship game remains alive with Kentucky and North Carolina both rolling into the sweet 16 but even that looks doubtful with the news that UNC point guard Kendall Marshall fractured his shooting wrist. The Tarheels have been battling the injury bug all season including big man John Henson who just returned from a sprained wrist. Without a healthy Marshall it will be hard to project the Tarheels in the championship game but they can always rely on crucial Tyler Zeller flop on a charge late in the game so you never know.
The only thing satisfying from this past weekend was watching Duke lose to Lehigh. It never gets old seeing Coach K squirm on the bench as his 2nd seeded Blue Devils got crushed by Lehigh in basically their backyard in Greensboro, NC. It was one of those David vs Goliath games and this time David kicked Duke square in the nuts and then pissed all over them. It was truly that beautiful of an anology.
Posted by Matt Fairchild (email@example.com) at 7:25 AM
Saturday, March 17, 2012
May your day be filled with Guinness, Jameson, and drunk leprechauns on this glorious Saturday. May your liver explode in delight as you search for your pot of gold. May your spirits be lifted by this classic Leprechaun in Mobile Youtube clip.
Posted by Matt Fairchild (firstname.lastname@example.org) at 7:43 AM
Thursday, March 15, 2012
I think Blake would have been better off trying to dunk those shots from the free throw lines then actually shooting it. If you ever wonder why Griffin seems to get anally penetrated every time he drives the lane then remember these free throws. He is only hitting 55% from the charity line this season. That is still 10x higher than anybody willing to buy a KIA.
Posted by Matt Fairchild (email@example.com) at 8:16 AM
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
When I filled out my first bracket on Monday I initially had a Final Four of Kentucky, Syracuse, UNC...and get this shit...no kidding...Long Beach State. Yeah for some tripped out reason I convinced myself the 12th seeded Long Beach State would be this year's VCU or George Mason. Then I went back to it today and convinced myself that there is no fucking way they beat Missouri. Initially I also had Mizzou losing to Murray State in the sweet 16. That was obviously scratched. Mizzou could win the whole thing. They are that fucking good. So in the end I have Mizzou winning the West. The other team I had to scratch off was Syracuse. Losing Fab Melo is fucking huge. You can't lose your shot blocker, inside defensive presence guy who grabs a lot of boards right before the tournament and recover. Sorry it's just not possible. So now I got FSU beating them in the Elite 8. My other regions remain solid with UNC and Kentucky both winning and eventually meeting in the championship game. I know I probably sound like some front running douche but I'm really not. Kentucky, UNC, FSU, and Mizzou are 4 of the most impressive teams I have watched all season. Sure they can get upset but I guaranteed at least 2 of those 4 make it to New Orleans. Begrudgingly I took Kentucky to win it all. They got the best player in the nation in Anthony Davis and John Calipari is due to win a championship and get it stripped 3 years later. Shit he is way beyond due.
Honestly I could give two shits what happens in this tournament. This has been one of the worst years in college basketball that I can ever remember. There hasn't been one interesting story. No true superstars beside Anthony Davis and his unibrow is more famous than his game. Maryland and Georgia Tech were awful this year so I didn't really pay attention that much to the ACC. Notre Dame was playing out of their asses there for a while but now appear to be leveling off. I guess now since I really don't care about winning my pool I'm going to root for upsets. A Final Four of New Mexico St, Long Beach St, Loyola, and Detroit would be something interesting worth talking about and would surely make CBS executives, March Madness sponsors and Colin Cowherd blow their brains out. Now that would be fucking sweet and entertaining.
I want Dick Vitale yelling "ANARCHY BABY ANARCHY!!!!"
Posted by Matt Fairchild (firstname.lastname@example.org) at 2:56 PM
The Skins haven't had a franchise quarterback in decades but that all changed last week when they ponied up and made a HUGE trade to get the #2 pick in the upcoming NFL Draft. We all know the pick will be the incredible superstar RG3. Now you can get a piece of RG3 with this great t-shirt available only at SportsCrack TEES!!!!
Posted by Matt Fairchild (email@example.com) at 11:20 AM
Monday, March 12, 2012
Yeah I know this shit is from last week but Stevie's motivational speech needs to be posted for all of the SportsCrack Nation to see and hear. I'm not going to lie. I shed a couple of tears watching this. It's that fucking powerful. I'm positive if I had a friend like Stevie delivering inspirational speeches like this I could have destroyed in baseball. Instead I figured girls, drugs and alcohol were a lot more fun in high school than running sprints in the Georgia heat after school. Who won? Well clearly I did. Shit I wouldn't have changed anything looking back. But Stevie would have made me pause before destroying another psychedelic.
By the way the Kenny Powers line of "I don't want my dojo look like a place where Cabbage Kids come to fuck!" is right up there with the greatest lines in the show's history. If you haven't watched this season of Eastbound and Down then I truelly feel sorry for you. In fact just go away and don't ever comeback to this blog again because I already hate you.
Posted by Matt Fairchild (firstname.lastname@example.org) at 6:51 PM
Thanks to Andrew for sending in the opening scene from this season's The Bachelor. It's good to see the unedited parts where the Bachelor is completely honest with the contestants. That is reality tv. Not the shit we get to see tonight on ABC.
It's almost uncanny how much the bachelor looks like David Spade. Small world I guess.
Posted by Matt Fairchild (email@example.com) at 7:31 AM
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Posted by Matt Fairchild (firstname.lastname@example.org) at 7:00 AM
Friday, March 09, 2012
Thursday, March 08, 2012
For some reason I've been ignoring this Mo Isom story down in LSU because I figured it was some butch trying out for the football team. Mo is clearly not a butch. In fact she is the homecoming queen who is not bad at all on the eyes and also a senior goal keeper who has a legit shot at doing a kickoff for Les Miles next year considering their place kickers were less than adequate last season. Hey it's a feel good story. Plus I'm not sure if you have heard about this Honey Badger fellow but he might become a household name soon.
We, meaning myself, would like to wish Mo nothing but the best of luck. She's a former Georgia prep soccer star and I married one so I feel like we know each other already in some strange down south way. Ok less talking and more pictures of Mo Isom...
Posted by Matt Fairchild (email@example.com) at 8:47 AM
Just wondering out loud but do trick shot videos get guys laid? Because this shit San Diego Padres minor leaguer Connor Powers pulls most deservedly should. I mean I couldn't do a lot of this shit if I tried all day. The basketball trick shots don't seem nearly as hard as trying to hit a baseball right to a certain spot. So what do you think?
Via Hot Clicks
Posted by Matt Fairchild (firstname.lastname@example.org) at 8:08 AM
Trust me when I say this that it is extremely hard for me to find any sympathy for Jim Irsay when his father brutally ripped up Baltimore's hearts in the middle of the night with his Mayflower trucks but what can I say I guess I'm a softie. All too many times especially in professional sports I become very cynical of these athletes and the owners because in the end I think money is the ultimate goal for both. But for some reason I don't feel that way in this instance. Peyton Manning is by all accounts a great person and a great representative for the Colts franchise so you know it had to be extremely difficult for Irsay to let him go. But he honestly had no choice and I hope the fans of Indy can see that and not crucify him or the new QB in Andrew Luck.
I would have liked to seen Peyton retire yesterday. Look he has had 4 neck procedures in the past year alone. He's a hit away from facing serious consequences that could leave him regretting ever trying to make a comeback with another franchise. Peyton has nothing to prove at this point. He thinks otherwise. You have your ring. You have your money. You have your legacy. You have the respect of millions. Why risk it to play for another franchise at your age? I guess I just don't get it and I won't feel any sympathy towards Peyton if he seriously gets hurt with the Dolphins or Redskins or whoever else he decides to play for next season.
Right now my feeling is Peyton is on a parallel path to some old championship boxer who just doesn't know when to hang it up. Don't be Evander Holyfield fighting in Germany. Don't be Johnny Unitas playing with the Chargers. Be the guy who knew to walk away at the right time. John Elway went out on top when he could have played more seasons. Peyton isn't bigger than the game itself but I have this feeling he thinks he is and with his track record it would be hard to argue with him. I just have this horrible feeling the last time we will see Peyton in a football uniform will be him carted off on a stretcher. It doesn't need to be that way. Your family needs you more than any football team.
Don't be "that guy" Peyton. Be "the man" and walk away while you still can.
Posted by Matt Fairchild (email@example.com) at 7:23 AM
Wednesday, March 07, 2012
And you thought you could come here to hear my thoughts on Peyton Manning's Era in Indy ending or the Saints Bounty "overblown" story? Nope. I'm just going to post this Kate Upton Esquire Magazine video and you can thank me later.
Posted by Matt Fairchild (firstname.lastname@example.org) at 9:55 PM
Tuesday, March 06, 2012
Rated E for erection might be the best Youtube comment of all-time. It just hits the nail in the head.
Via Darren Rovell
Posted by Matt Fairchild (email@example.com) at 6:47 AM
Monday, March 05, 2012
I mean does it get any fucking better? You know if I actually made money and wasn't scraping by on government cheese I would definitely make a commercial like this for SportsCrack. Some model just going around cracking stuff with her ass. It's Marketing 101. Shit we would probably be making more money than that dickhead who invented 5 Hour Energy. Who cares about having energy when you could be wearing a SportsCrack t-shirt that will get girls cracking nuts in their backside? It's fucking genius I tell you. First model to send in a video of her cracking nuts while wearing a SportsCrack shirt gets a free shirt and a thank you email. Ok shit I'll do two free shirts. I swear my generosity has kept this company from reaching it's ultimate goal: world domination.
Posted by Matt Fairchild (firstname.lastname@example.org) at 9:05 AM
When I first heard the Marlins new stadium was going to have an aquarium behind home plate as the back stop I imagined something way over the top with an actual marlin or sailfish swimming around in a frenzy. Maybe it was all the drugs that still sweat out of my body to this day but now I am not nearly as excited after seeing this video posted of the aquarium. I mean there is no fucking way we are going to see the fish in the background when Hanley Ramirez decides not to run out a grounder in April. I'm sure they planned out the glass to be bullet proof but what if a foul ball somehow manages to hit a weak spot in the glass and it shatters? All in all though I think it's a cool feature and makes the new Miami Marlins stadium unique from others.
What isn't cool about the new stadium is the tacky home run feature that looks like it was designed by the production designer of The Birdcage. If you are going to go over the top go with the aquarium and not this monstrosity in the outfield.
Posted by Matt Fairchild (email@example.com) at 8:09 AM
Friday, March 02, 2012
Did you know that J.P. Arencibia is the only Blue Jay with the initials J and P to ever do an imitation of a current or non current ESPN MLB Analyst in the history of Canada and the WORLDDDDD! You just don't get it. I've invented a pill that gives worms to ex-girlfriends.
Posted by Matt Fairchild (firstname.lastname@example.org) at 9:25 AM
Watching Devin Setoguchi during the shooutout of last night's game vs Montreal brought back distant memories of Mike Modano and other past Minnesota greats who could take the puck and do magical things with it.
And then get shot before taking an actual shot.
Posted by Matt Fairchild (email@example.com) at 9:01 AM