Friday, September 30, 2011

American League Preview and Predictions


Detroit Tigers (95-67) vs. New York Yankees (97-65)

Regular season: Tigers won 4-3


PITCHING

The Yankees are all about C.C. Sabathia and for good reason. The big guy is a proven winner in big games and this season he again was dominant despite fading down the stretch. After C.C. the Yanks are relying on rookie of the year candidate Ivan Nova who hasn't lost a start since June 3rd. There is no fucking way they start A.J. Burnett or Bartolo Colon because not only do they look like gremlins but they both sucked donkey dick this year. So I guess Freddy Garcia will be the 3rd starter and...holy shit...I just looked at Garcia's stats (12-8 3.62 ERA) and he wasn't bad. Shows you how much I paid attention. Yanks have a good bullpen and have an up and comer named Mariano Rivera closing games. You may have heard of him.

Detroit has Justin Verlander who despite his good stats is NOT A FUCKING MVP CANDIDATE! Verlander will go in games 1 and 4 while Doug Fister (best midseason acquisition this year) pitches games 2 and 5. Fister was lights out down the stretch and actually outpitched Verlander. Maybe we should give him the MVP? Enough of the rambling rants, the Tigers have the best closer in the game in Jose Valverde but it will be interesting to see how he pitches in the playoffs. PRESSURE!!!!

ADVANTAGE: Tigers by a slight margin

HITTING

The Yankees hit most homeruns in the majors with 222. Their lineup is sick with Curtis Granderson, Mark Teabag, Robinson Cano, and Alex Rodriguez (if the swelling in his labia goes down) all capable of hitting a shitload of homeruns in that little bandbox stadium they play in. You know Jeter will come through because he is the greatest player to ever wear the #2 jersey for the New York Yankees and both be black and white at the same time. Intangibles and leadership right there.

Detroit has a pretty formidable lineup also with Miggy Cabrera and Victor Martinez capable of driving in a ton of runs. My fantasy team relied on SS Peralta and C Alex Avila this season and they put up All-Star numbers but couldn't quite get me to the finals. Kind of disappointed guys. Next year clean that shit up and perform for me. Enough of my fantasy team, the Tigers have a good lineup but not as good as the Bronx Bombers.

ADVANTAGE: Yankees

COACHING

Dude it's baseball. Just don't fuck up the lineups and make sure you know when your pitchers are done or not. It isn't rocket science.

ADVANTAGE: Jim Leyland's Marlboro

PREDICTION: Tigers in 5



Tampa Bay Rays (91-71) vs. Texas Rangers (96-66)

Regular season: Texas won 5-4


PITCHING

The defending AL Champs have some of the best starting pitching in the majors this season. Lefty CJ Wilson won 16 games and had an ERA under 3. Lefty Derek Holland won 16 games and had a great second half. They have playoff experience (honestly doesn't mean shit) as does Colby Lewis and Matt Harrison. 3 lefties and a righty should present matchup problems for Cano and Granderson. The Rangers also have a strong bullpen with closer Neftali Feliz at the backend.

Tampa Bay is starting Matt Moore in game 1. No I'm serious. The kid who hasn't only started one game in the majors. Whom am I to argue though? Maddon knows his baseball shit. They also have Shields, Hellickson, and Price in the rotation. While their starters matchup pretty well with the Rangers their bullpen doesn't. Kyle Farnsworth is closing games. Enough said.

ADVANTAGE: Rangers

HITTING

The Rangers have the second best lineup in the playoffs behind the Yankees. Josh Hamilton, Nelson Cruz, Ian Kinsler, Adrian Beltre, Mike Napoli, and Michael Young are all crushing the ball. They got shut down last year in the World Series but I think they will be hot versus the Rays.

Tampa on the other hand doesn't have a formidable lineup. Sure they have Evan Longoria but his bat struggled for a large part of the season. Zobrist and Joyce were pleasant surprises and BJ Upton could get hot and steal some bases but I just don't like their lineup. Not even close to the Rangers.

ADVANTAGE: Rangers

COACHING

Hey fuckface did you not hear me the first time? Coaching in baseball is all about not fucking up. With that being said Joe Maddon is a fucking genius who somehow got the Rays into the playoffs with his glasses and his beautiful hair.

ADVANTAGE: Rays

PREDICTION: Rangers in 4

Friday Funbags

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Until next week fellas...

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Thursday, September 29, 2011

Philanthropy with Vinnie Verno: Week 5 Picks



New Mexico +2
Georgia Tech -11.5
Arkansas State -13
Alabama -4
Stanford -20

Vinnie finally got on the winning side last week so I think I might ride along with some of these picks. I got Tech, Bama, and Stanford all covering. The only one I'm kind of worried about is Stanford. Yes I know Rick Neuheisel still coaches at UCLA and that in itself is a fucking joke but it's still hard to believe Stanford...fucking Stanford...keeps beating the shit out of their opponents and cover every single game. I mean they have to be due for at least one minor hiccup right? Granted I think they win easily I'm just kind of afraid of a 3 touchdown spread. With that being said I'm going to stay on the Trees bandwagon and ride it till they lose.

Georgia Tech Football Be "TRIPPY"



Apparently this is the rap song they play at Bobby Dodd Stadium during the games. It sounds really shitty but if "TRIPPY" gets you Ws and over 700 yards of offense who am I to argue? Hell they can be smoking crack and killing prostitutes but as long as they beat Georgia and win the ACC those hell of an engineers aren't going to judge. I'm pretty positive it's in the bible.

"The Gundy" Remix Version



I think I like this one best.

Adrian Gonzalez Blames God For The Red Sox Epic Failure



Well there you go. It wasn't the awful pitching from the Red Sox in the last month. It wasn't a complete collapse from the whole roster with the exception of Jacoby Ellsbury. It wasn't high priced free agents Carl Crawford or Adrian Gonzalez not doing shit the second half of the season to help the Red Sox clinch the Wild Card. Nope. It was God's plan all the time. He didn't want the Red Sox to make the playoffs. When you can't blame it on yourself or look yourself in the mirror why not blame God. Shit he had a plan. It makes perfect sense now. This should make Boston rest easy.

Via BarStoolSports

Greatest MLB Night Ever



If you are a baseball fan or sports fan in general last night was one of the greatest nights ever. You had 4 teams battling for the final Wild Card spot in their respective leagues with two of the teams (Atlanta Braves and Boston Red Sox) trying to avoid a historical collapse. Both the Braves and the Red Sox needed just one more out in the ninth with their closers on the mound to live another day and delay the epic collapse of each. Both miserably failed.

In Atlanta Tim Hudson pitched a stellar game and Dan Uggla hit a huge 2-run HR to give the Braves a lead in a game for the first time in about a week. The Braves entered September with a 8 1/2 game lead in the Wild Card but found themselves locked into a tie with the St. Louis Cardinals after going a miserable 7-20 in the last month. All seemed to be finally right at The Ted when leading 3-2 in the ninth when rookie Craig Kimbrel entered to close it out. Kimbrel who entered with a MLB rookie record for saves was clearly overthrowing from the first pitch. It had been 5 days since he last threw in a game and his adrenaline seemed to get the better of him. He walked 3 Phillies, gave up one hit, blew the save, and got taken out in the ninth for a guy in Kris Medlen who had pitched only once all season after coming off elbow surgery. The game would extend into extra innings but it didn't matter. You knew the Braves were going to lose. The Braves always choke when it comes to do or die games in late September/October. Trust me. I've been there. Seen that. Many of times. The Cardinals on the other hand behind the twice surgically repaired right elbow of Chris Carpenter did their job and shut out the Astros to complete an improbable Wild Card run.

It wasn't as much as the Cardinals getting hot but the Braves just completely shitting the bed in the last month. Trust me the Cardinals and their players deserve credit. They won when they had to in big situations. But the Braves finished off the season losing their last 5 games and their hitters all slumped down the stretch. New addition Bourn was terrible. Prado couldn't hit .200 in the last month or get the ball out of the infield. McCann was pressing and looked completely lost. Heyward was benched and quickly has become one of the biggest busts in baseball. Uggla was again swinging at anything within 3 feet of the plate. Yes the Braves lost starters Jair Jurrjens and Tommy Hanson to injuries and Derek Lowe was the worst fucking pitcher you've ever seen take the mound in his last 5 starts but it was the hitting that let them down. If the Braves scored 3 runs in a game it seemed like they had erupted for 20. And as much as it pains me to say it if the Braves had Tony LaRussa as their skipper they would still be playing with a solid shot at a World Series. New manager Fredi Gonzalez didn't want to play small ball or try to squeeze out a few runs with steals, hit and runs, bunts, and sacrifice flies. Nope he wanted to go all Earl Weaver and hope for the 3-run homer would save the day. It never happened and his gross mismanagement of the pitching staff throughout the season killed the bullpen and the Braves chances of bringing home a 2nd World Series title to Atlanta. The Braves have a 25 man roster built to win 100 games. Gonzalez led them to 89.

In Baltimore the Red Sox needed just one more out from closer/douchebag Jonathan Papelbon to insure they could play the Rays in a one game playoff who had comeback to tie the Yankees 7-7 after being down 7-0 in the eighth. A long rain delay in Baltimore kept the Red Sox in the clubhouse where they could watch the Rays make the improbable comeback against their hated rival the New York Yankees. You may have heard the Yankees and Red Sox don't like each other. Papelbon got the first two batters with easy K's against sluggers Adam Jones and Mark Reynolds. He then had Chris Davis at the plate with Nolan Reimold to follow. Both roped doubles off 98 MPH fastballs to tie the game. Then light hitting utility man Robert Andino stepped to the plate. The winning run at 2nd base in Reimold. The crowd at Camden Yards rocking for what seemed like the first time in over a decade. The Orioles are dead last in the AL East but the fans and players were treating this game like it was game 7 of the World Series. Andino ropes a 1-1 pitch to left fielder Carl Crawford who can't make the catch. The throw home is too late. The Orioles walk off with the win and the Red Sox look dead. Awesome.

Three minutes later in the Tropicana the Rays crowd goes nuts as they flash the Red Sox score on the scoreboard. The cowbells are clanging. Evan Longoria is at the plate. Tied game in the 12th. And like the superstar he is Longo who hit a huge 3 run blast in the 8th came through with the walk off homerun. Pandemonium in Tampa. The Rays had come back from 9 games in early September, down by 7 runs in the 8th and won the AL Wild Card.

This was the greatest regular season day of baseball in Major League history. Two epic collapses by two storied franchises that will be passed on from generation to generation. It was great theater. Personally I went from the low of lows when the Braves lost and knowing the season was over to the mountaintops when my other favorite team in the Orioles came back to beat the Red Sox and then flipped to the Rays game to see Longoria clinch the Wild Card with a laser beam down the left field line to beat the Yankees. This was one of those moments that not even Bud Selig could fuck up. Now I can't wait to watch the playoffs. Game on!

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Kate Upton Says Happy Hump Day



Poor girl is cold. Somebody get her my mouth...I mean clothing.




These pictures were shown to the Notre Dame football team a couple of days ago. To say they were happy about seeing Kate Upton would be an understatement. Take a look...


More glorious pics at Egotastic

A Brand New Dance Out Of Stillwater, OK: "The Gundy!"



Oklahoma State head coach Mike Gundy shows you who the "MAN" is with his freak dance called "The Gundy!" Hell dude I would have pulled this shit out of my drunk archives if I came back from 17 points in the second half to knock off Texas A&M. I actually saw Justin Blackmon throwing crisp Franklins at Gundy. College football at it's finest.

Utah Kid Freaks Out When His Parents Tell Him They Bought Him A BYU Shirt



I can't wait till my kid gets a little older so I can play mind games like this on her. Guess what sweetie? We aren't going to the football game. Nope. We are going to church. Yeah, we are going to pray and be bored and give money to a priest who will blow it on hookers and blow. It will be great.

In all seriousness this Utes fan is going to go Menendez brothers on his parents when he gets older. You don't forget shit like this. It scars you. If I'm the mom I make sure I put the knives out of reach.

Via HotClicks

Saturday, September 24, 2011

Today's College Football Picks


Notre Dame (-7.5) at Pitt
Notre Dame finds their offensive identity today and scores at will once they reach the red zone. Expect Michael Floyd and Cierre Wood to have multiple touchdown games.
Prediction: Notre Dame 42 Pitt 17

San Diego State (+10.5) at Michigan
I like the Aztecs in the Brady Hoke Bowl. SDST can run the ball against a weak Michigan defense. In what should be a thriller the Aztecs won't have an answer for Denard Robinson.
Prediction: Michigan 35 SDST 32

North Carolina at Georgia Tech (-7)
Tech leads the nation in rushing and scoring. North Carolina has a new coach and an overrated defense. Georgia Tech rolls in this one.
Prediction: GT 38 North Carolina 21

Georgia (-10) at Ole Miss
Ole Miss won't be able to stop Isaiah Crowell or Aaron Murray. The Rebels looked awful last week vs Vandy in a blowout loss. I don't think playing at home will matter. Georgia is the much better team here and will play better on the road.
Prediction: UGA 42 Ole Miss 20

Oklahoma State at Texas A&M (-4.5)
Both of these Big 12 teams are top 10 and both have high powered offenses. What I like about the Aggies is RB Cyrus Gray. He's the X factor in this game. Plus the Cowboys defense is average at best.
Prediction: A&M 45 Okie St 35

Arkansas (+11) at Alabama
Despite Arkansas starting a true freshman at left tackle I just feel like this game will be close even though on paper Bama should roll. I don't feel comfortable at all on this bet so be cautious.
Prediction: Bama 27 Arkansas 20

Rice at Baylor (-21.5)
Robert Griffin will run and pass all over the Rice Owls.
Prediction: Baylor 58 Rice 21

LSU (-5.5) at West Virginia
LSU is the best team in the country and their defense is fucking sick. The Mountaineers have a good team and were one of my sleeper picks for the BCS Title with Geno Smith at QB. But right now I've made a shitload of money with the Bayou Bengals and I see no reason to get off the train.
Prediction: LSU 24 West Virginia 14

Friday, September 23, 2011

This Week in Unnecessary Censorship has a Trojan Rubdown



I always knew that Barbara Walters was a freak.

Friday Funbags






ESPN Sideline Reporter Jenn Brown Caught Up With "Bitch" Jones



Oh Jenn Brown. Cat caught your tongue? All is forgiven. What isn't forgiven is myself completely bitching out on my prediction and bet on last night's game. I fucking knew Cincy would crush NC State and yet I didn't get my preview up or my bet in before the game started. Right now I'm looking at this weekend's slate of games and really liking Baylor -21.5, Notre Dame -7, Georgia Tech -6.5, LSU -5.5, San Diego State +10.5, and Oregon -14. It's time to make some money this weekend.

Video HT: Dave

Johnny Cash - God's Gonna Cut You Down



For some reason I can't get this song out of my head. I felt like I owed it to the SportsCrack heads out there to give it a listen on this beautiful Friday. Funbags coming later but in the mean time give Johnny Cash some respect and lend an ear to this classic "God's Gonna Cut You Down."

Thursday, September 22, 2011

The Detroit Version of House Of Spears Shirt



He is a bad man. He will rip your head off. And if you are a quarterback you should be shittin' in your pants because more than likely he will hurt you. He has already made Detroit a playoff contender. Now show your support for the big man with the official House of Spears shirt. Blood and tears not included.

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

McDonald's Monopoly Commercial Making Fun Of Lebron James And His Ability To Not Win Championships


They should have had Dirk in there rejecting his scratch off or a velvet rope into the booth with Dirk and Lebron's mom making out inside it. That would have been perfect.

CONFERENCE REALIGNMENT IN A NUTSHELL



Just one huge clusterfuck of a situation and if you don't look both ways you are going to get killed. This is what needs to happen:

-PAC 12 needs to take their thumbs out of their asses brah and add Texas, Oklahoma, Oklahoma State and Texas Tech. Make it a 16 team superconference and be done with it.

-The SEC needs to add Missouri and West Virginia. Supposedly the SEC conference is mad at Missouri because they leaked to the Kansas City Star that they would be added to the most POWERFUL conference in the entire universe. Listen SEC Conference. Shut the fuck up and stop acting all high and mighty and let Missouri in. They are the Show Me State after all. Home of meth addicts and sewage rivers. They fit in perfectly. The SEC also doesn't think West Virginia is a prestigious enough academic school to be added to their Ivy League conference. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Half of the football players in the SEC can't fucking spell their names correctly or tell you who their father is. But yeah, West Virginia would totally demean the conference.

-Notre Dame needs to decide if they are going to go to the Big Ten or the ACC. They are in Big Ten territory but everybody associated with Notre Dame hates that fucking conference. So stop with the independence and go to the ACC. ND can dominate recruiting in Florida all the way up to Boston if they want. They can keep the NBC contract. They will get more money. And the team will be playing for something (a conference championship) after they once again blow a last second game to Michigan for the billionth year in a row.

-The Big East and Big 12 can combine with what remains of their shit. Syracuse and Pitt already got the fuck out of the Big East.

Let Kansas, K State, Baylor, Iowa State, South Florida, Cincy, Louisville, Rutgers, and Connecticut stay while adding TCU, Boise State, Navy, Army, East Carolina, and whoever else gets kicked out of another conference and form Conference Big North America. They can play their championship game on PBS. Perfect.

-Then you let whoever wins the conference championships of the SEC, PAC 16, ACC, and Conference Big North America play a Final Four. Keep all of the pointless bowl games and have all the teams who finished with 6 wins or more play in those games. You got your playoff scenario and you keep the bowls so all the dirty politicians, sponsors, and bowl representatives can get their money too.

-By the way I would just like to point out the Final Four of Football would have better ratings and make more money than the Super Bowl and March Madness. And you can still fuck over the slaves...I mean student-athletes.

-You are welcome. Problem solved. You are now free to look at internet porn. Again.

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

TOUCHDOWN TOMMY SHIRTS NOW AVAILABLE



This has been one of our most requested shirts since we started SportsCrack tees over 5 years ago. Without further ado here is the brand new Touchdown Tommy shirt. Available for only $17. Order today. Shipping starts this week.

The Braves Are Choking



The Atlanta Braves have seen a 10.5 game lead in the NL Wild Card race now slip to 2.5 after another meltdown in Florida last night. All they needed was another out and they appeared to have it when Emilio Bonifacio hit an easy big hop grounder right to future Hall of Famer Chipper Jones. The game was over if Chipper makes the play and the Braves maintain a 3.5 game lead over the St. Louis Cardinals. But somehow, someway Chipper lost the ball in the lights (how in the fuck do you lose a groundball?) and the ball went trickling past him. Chipper fucking Bucknered the game last night! Then former Brave Omar Infante stepped to the plate and launched a Craig Kimbrel fastball into the leftfield stands. Game over. The Braves season is now in serious jeopardy after the Cardinals beat Roy Halladay last night. The Cards have won 15 of their last 20 including 3 in the past 4 days vs Philly. The Bravos on the other hand have lost 12 of 18.

This would be one of the biggest choke jobs in Major League baseball history. Granted the Red Sox are attempting the same in the AL but I don't give a shit about the Red Sox other than I laid some money on them before the season to win the whole thing. The Braves seem to always pull this shit once September/October rolls around. They lose all their momentum and if they make the playoffs it's one and done. It's like they are the perennial All-Star break darlings only to have the makeup wear thin and reveal their ugly selves come October. It's just so fucking frustrating to watch.

Now they still have a lead in the Wild Card and they still control their destiny. It's time for some of their key players to step up. I'm looking at Brian McCann, Martin Prado, and Jason Heyward in particular. They have to start producing or the Braves are fucked. Will they? They better.

Monday, September 19, 2011

Michigan Grandmas Shotgunning Beer At Tailgate



I'm obviously not the biggest fan of Michigan for good reason but I have to admit this was pretty fucking awesome. Two little old ladies just shotgunning the shit out of some Michelob Ultras in front of rowdy drunk crowd. It doesn't get much better than that.

Michael Vick Knocked Out



AHHHHHHHHH! I love the smell of victory in the morning. This weekend couldn't have gone better. I won 80% of my bets. Notre Dame kicked ass and planted a flag up Sparty's ass. The local teams all won easily. And then last night Michael Vick gets knocked out with a concussion and Matty Ice leads the Falcons to a huge win over the Iggles. I have no voice right now from screaming bloody hell last night in the Dome. The place was rocking. The Falcons need to stay in the Dome. No open air stadium Arthur Blank. The Dome is our homefield advantage.

Friday, September 16, 2011

Boise State vs Toledo Pick


Tonight's 8pm College Football game on ESPN matches the Boise State Broncos traveling to Toledo to face the Rockets. Boise is coming off a bye week after dismantling Georgia in Atlanta two weeks ago. Toledo is coming off a narrow loss in the Shoe to Ohio State 27-22. Both teams have explosive offenses and it has the potential to be a high scoring game.

Boise is in a completely different league than Toledo. Their offense led by Kellen Moore will probably put 45 plus points on the scoreboard tonight. Last season the Broncos won 57-14 and the game honestly wasn't even that close. The only reason the spread is -20 in favor of Boise is because Toledo almost beat a decent Ohio State team led by a bad QB in the scarlet and gray. This week they face one of the nation's best in Moore who is methodical at breaking down defenses and finding open receivers. Georgia might not have the best defense in the nation but they have a ton of better athletes than Toledo and Moore carved them up on the road in front of 75,000 loud Bulldogs fans. Toledo is going to seem pale in comparison.

Now Toledo has some playmakers on offense especially at the wide receiver position with Eric Page and if they can get the ball into his hands they can make it an interesting game. The problem is Boise has one of the best defensive lines in the country and will be pressuring the Toledo QB (Austin Dantin or Terrance Owens) from the first snap to the last. Boise has a much better defense than Ohio State and the high powered Toledo offense only scored 22 last week.

Boise is still looking for respect and to get it they have to blow out teams. All they do is win and expect head coach Chris Petersen to have his team ready to run up the score and be aware of what Toledo nearly did last week in Columbus. In order for Boise to make it to the BCS Championship Game they need to win nationally televised games like tonight's by blowout proportions. It's not necessarily fair but then again what is in college football? Toledo will look to work in some gadget plays but honestly it won't matter. Kellen Moore adds to his win total and Boise wins rather easily. I got Boise covering the 20 and the OVER of 61 points.

Prediction: Boise State 49 Toledo 21

Nebraska Huskers Cheerleader Caught In The Act



Definitely a "Husker" fan if I have ever seen one. The look of guilt is priceless on her face.


HT: Dave

Friday Funbags






Thursday, September 15, 2011

LSU vs Mississippi State Pick



Since Dan Mullen has arrived in Starkville, MS the Bulldogs have enjoyed some success on the gridiron. They have beaten the likes of Georgia, Michigan, and Florida. Unfortunately the only SEC West team they have beaten is Ole Miss. LSU comes into Starksville having won 11 straight in the series by an average score of 39-13. The cowbells will be out and the crowd will be loud and drunk but it won't matter because LSU will win.

Right now the spread is -4.5 in favor of the road team in LSU. The Tigers have a really good run defense and they for the most part stuffed Oregon and LaMichael James in the season opener. The Bulldogs are going to look to establish the run. Unfortunately two starting Miss State offensive linemen are questionable tonight with injuries so you would think it's going to be awfully tough for RB Vick Ballard to break some good runs off. That means QB Chris Relf is going to have to throw the ball downfield and not throw interceptions against a LSU defense that loves to force turnovers.

LSU is going to come in with same gameplan as Mississippi State. They are going to try to pound the ball. LSU's offensive line is much better than the Bulldogs. In fact both sets of lines favor the third ranked Tigers. In a game where turnovers will happen I expect LSU to outmuscle and out talent the home team Bulldogs. LSU is 7-1 against the spread in the last 8 meetings in Starksville. They know how to win there and win convincingly.

Prediction: LSU 26 Miss St 17

Vinnie Verno Week 3 College Football Picks



I love the character Vinnie Verno. He's funny. But his picks are horrible. And this week is no different with taking Mississippi State straight up over LSU. Are you fucking high Vinnie? LSU is going to kick the living shit out of those annoying cowbells. Dan Mullen doesn't beat good teams. He beats average teams. LSU is not average and Les Miles always finds a way to win because he has so much talent it's ridiculous. Take LSU on the road.

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Not Sports Related but Funbag Related: Scarlett Johansson Nude Pics Leaked



Oh it's always bound to happen. Like the sun that rises and the sky is blue there is bound to be nude "private" celebrities pictures leaked on the internet. Today we get actress Scarlett Johansson. It's been a long time coming but we knew this day would eventually happen. The former Mrs. Ryan Reynolds needs the attention. She wants the attention. And this is why she leaked the pictures. Sure she can act all Erin Andrews but come on...all these celebrities are media whores.

Here are the UNCENSORED NSFW PHOTOS. I hope this makes up for me completely missing Friday Funbags last week. You be the judge.

Who's Nailin' Sarah Palin? Glen Rice That's Who


You know the old saying "once you go black you never go back?" Well apparently Sarah Palin has come back. According to the book "The Rogue: Searching for the Real Sarah Palin" author Joe McGinniss claims "Sarah had a steamy interracial hookup with basketball stud GLEN RICE less than a year before she eloped with her husband Todd."

Sarah hooked up with the NBA great, then a 6-foot-8 junior at the University of Michigan when he was playing in a college basketball tournament in Alaska in 1987, the book says. At the time, Sarah, just out of college, was working as a sports reporter for the Anchorage TV station KTUU.

A publishing source told The ENQUIRER that McGinniss claims Sarah had a “fetish” for black men at the time and he quotes a friend as saying Sarah had “hauled (Rice’s) ass down.”


Glen Rice has confirmed the one-night stand. So what does this say about Palin? Not sure other than she likes big black muscles. Hard muscles.



Just in case you were wondering Palin nailed Rice a few months before she got married. The old one last athlete before I get married kind of deal. I've seen it a million times. Oh yeah and she apparently enjoys cocaine and fucking her husband's business partner. I think we found our new president...of Vivid Entertainment.

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

SI Cover Says It All: "Kickin' Sweet Live Ass"



Via Dan Patrick

Umm. Forget about what I said about the Pro Combat Uniforms. Navy's Nike Pro Combat Uniforms Are Tight.



As I just posted my distaste for the Ohio State's Nike Pro Combat uniforms I came upon the Naval Academy's uniform they will be wearing against Army this year and all I can say is WOW. These Navy uniforms are incredible. I love the white helmet with the gold anchor on it. These uniforms really pop and I dig the "Don't Tread On Me" slogan on the uniform. Nike did a great job on these bad boys and if they want they can send me some free shit for giving them a plug. I know they gotta be hurting for business. Anything to help out the little guys right?





Via DCSportsBlog

Ohio State Is Bringing Out the Power Ranger Uniforms Too

Come on Nike. These "Pro Combat" uniforms have to stop. They are disgraceful. This is almost a carbon copy of those hideous ones Georgia wore against Boise State. I know Jacory Harris is starting for Miami but I think I might have to bet on the Hurricanes just because the Buckeyes will be wearing these god awful uniforms. Plus I lost money last week on Ohio State for not covering against Toledo so the smart money is to go with Miami at home.

EDIT: Shit nevermind about the Miami game. Buckeyes are wearing these October 29th vs Wisconsin.



If Sebastian Janikowski Doesn't Date Rape This 63 Yarder I Lose My Bet



I had a heavy bet on the over at 42 on the Raiders/Broncos game last night and I thought it would be a really safe bet. But the betting gods have a weird way of fucking with you. Luckily last night they were kind and probably felt bad for another shitty football weekend for myself. Janikoswki just flat out GHBed this kick last night. Tied a NFL record too at 63 yards right before halftime. If he doesn't hit it then I don't get the over. Thanks Seabass.

Ron Jaworski aka Jaws Drops a Shitbomb on Monday Night Football



Fuck yeah Jaws. The twitter world blew up last night when Ron Jaworski said "shit" and I got to be completely honest: I was watching and didn't even notice it. It's probably because every other word out of my mouth is either fuck, shit, cock, or asshole so I'm immune to being shocked by it. But whatever. Jaws said a naughty word and will probably be lynched for it.

Thank You Tom Brady and Wes Walker for the free money



I gotta admit I was getting a little nervous last night with my Patriots -8 pick. Tom Brady was shredding an awful Miami defense but it took this huge 99 yard TD pass to Wes Walker to pretty much clinch the winning bet. Basically it was a 6th round draft pick to an undrafted free agent for a NFL record to secure my $100. I'll take it anyway I can get it.

Also big thanks to Darren McFadden for ripping off 150 yards last night and getting the Raiders the win and the over on the points vs the Broncos. I went 4-0 last night with my NFL picks and I give them to you for FREE. FREE. So if you want to thank me please buy a shirt or send me some flowers or shit like that. I deserve it and my arm is about to fall asleep trying to pat myself on the back.

Monday, September 12, 2011

TONIGHT'S NFL PICKS


New England -8 at Miami
All of the Vegas money is going on New England here. And honestly why wouldn't it? Tom Brady vs Chad Henne in a matchup of former Wolverines QB is a complete mismatch. Also factor in that Henne doesn't have a run game and is a statue back there and you have the insurance that the Patriots will be sacking him at least 5 times. Now the Dolphins do have a good defense and have a very good secondary but Brady hasn't thrown an interception in over 300 passes and will put a ton of points on the scoreboard for the Patriots. Some key stats to know are the Dolphins are just 17-45-1 against the spread in their last 63 home games and the road team is 6-2 against the spread in their last 8 meetings. I like the Patriots big time and the over at +47.

Prediction: Patriots 42 Dolphins 14



Oakland +3.5 at Denver
Last year the Raiders whooped up on the Broncos (98-37 combined score) but this year both teams have new coaches in John Fox for Denver and Hue Jackson for Oakland so we should probably ignore what happened last season. The Broncos historically start off well with season openers at home winning 16 of the last 22. The Broncos drafted LB Von Miller in hopes he could bolster an awful defense that will be looking to slow down Raiders RB Darren McFadden. I've been going back and forth with this game but I think I'm going to take the Raiders as the road dog. Raiders are riding a 7-0 run against the spread vs AFC West opponents. The line originally opened up as pick em so the hot money is on Denver right now but I think in a close game I gotta favor the Raiders to beat the 3.5 favorites and cover the 42.

Prediction: Oakland 28 Denver 24

Central Florida Fan Fights Cop



I think UCF found a new mascot. He had the whole crowd fired up. UCF! UCF! UCF!

Serena Williams Seems Nice



Nice in a complete self-entitled bitchy way. If you are going to lose at least have some dignity and not blame it on the chair umpire. I mean seriously Serena, did she not cater to your every whim? Did she not bow to you because you are American? Good lord it's people like Serena and Andy Roddick who just bitch and moan at every little call when in reality they realize that they have to play the victim instead of stepping up their game. This is why American tennis sucks. Our players expect to be handed the trophy instead of going out and winning it.

My Reaction to the Michigan Disaster

Gary Gray finally sent me over the ledge. I can't handle it anymore. It's not that I'm surprised Notre Dame lost despite dominating the first 3 quarters it's the fact that I expect them to lose now. I'm done.

Friday, September 09, 2011

Notre Dame vs Michigan Preview


Notre Dame (0-1) at Michigan (1-0) Sept. 10, 8:00, ESPN

Labeled "Under the Lights" the game between Notre Dame and Michigan will be the first night game ever at Michigan Stadium. It's still hard to believe "The Big House" has never had a game started after sunset but then again it's hard to believe Michigan has only won one National Championship in the last 60 years. Sorry Wolverines fans I just had to get that little zinger in there. As you probably know these two storied programs have a history of close battles and emotions seem to run high for both fan bases due to the regional battle for recruits and bragging rights. Notre Dame has lost 4 of the last 5 including the last 2 games vs Michigan that came down to the last possession. In fact Notre Dame led in the last two games with less than :30 on the clock but the defense couldn't hold. Notre Dame has not suffered a 3 game losing series vs Michigan since 1908.


Michigan Offense:The Michigan offense lives and dies with Denard "Shoelace" Robinson. Last year he thrashed the Notre Dame D with 258 yards rushing and 2 touchdowns while completing 24 of 40 passes for another 244 yards and one TD in the air. Shoelace literally won the game by himself last season. This year Michigan will have to run the ball better with their tailbacks if they want to beat Notre Dame. ND will look to "contain" Shoelace so it's up to tailbacks Fitzgerald Toussaint, Michael Shaw and Vincent Smith to shoulder some of the responsibility in the ground game. Last week Michigan looked pathetic with the passing game against Western Michigan and will face a much tougher secondary in Notre Dame. Make no mistake though Michigan despite what new head coach Brady Hoke says is going to try to run Shoelace all over Notre Dame. Why wouldn't he use his best weapon?


Michigan Defense: The Wolverines defense is still a work in progress. New d-coordinator Greg Mattison has a very good defensive line led by All-American candidates Mike Martin and Craig Roh. Their first goal is to pressure QB Tommy Rees and make him rush some throws while also plugging the lanes so Cierre Wood can't break into the second zone of the defense. Michigan's linebacking crew is inexperienced and their secondary is young and quite honestly...awful. If Michigan wants to stop a Notre Dame offense that despite the score moved the ball pretty well last week vs South Florida they are going to need somebody in the secondary to step up and make some plays on WR Michael Floyd or he could go for 150-200+ yards on them.


Notre Dame Offense: Tommy Rees is the new starting QB and unless he completely botches Saturday expect him to be the starter the rest of the way. Last week Rees stepped in for an ineffective Dayne Crist and threw for nearly 300 yards and 2 touchdowns in just a half of play. The sophomore is 4-0 as a starter and will be looking to get the ball into WR Floyd's hands as much as possible. If Notre Dame wants to win they are going to have to get it to their playmakers including RB Wood, TE Tyler Eifert and slot receiver Theo Riddick. Riddick should bounce back against Michigan after a tough South Florida game. The offensive line will be going against one of the tougher d-lines they face all year and if they can protect the QB like they did last week (0 sacks) then Notre Dame should put up at least 30 points on the scoreboard.


Notre Dame Defense: The defense played really well last week and held South Florida to 254 total yards. This week they will be going against a much more dynamic QB in Shoelace. Last year Shoelace torched a thin Notre Dame defense who's front 7 couldn't tackle a cold. This year the ND defense should be greatly improved with the emergence of nose tackle Louis Nix. Nix should be a key figure in disturbing the Michigan running game with his size and his ability to disrupt assignments on the offensive line. LB Manti Te'o will be the other key as his assignment along with Darius Fleming is to contain Robinson and make sure he doesn't have too many big plays of 15+ yards. Notre Dame's secondary is experienced and despite some bad penalties last week should play much better in Ann Arbor.

What I Expect To Happen: The Notre Dame/Michigan series is always intense but when you add 6 plus hours of tailgating in Ann Arbor expect the crowd to be electric. ND will look to come out and silence the crowd quickly with Wood breaking off some big runs behind an offensive line playing really well. ND will have a couple of mistakes but not nearly as catastrophic as last week and will pretty much control this game despite Robinson having some big plays. Under the cool demeanor of Rees I expect the Fighting Irish to come out focused, calm, and ready to unleash hell on a shaky Wolverines defense. The Irish usually play much better on the road when they are away from the distractions. This week they come together and give Brian Kelly his first win against the hated Wolverines while covering the 4 points they are favored by.



Prediction: Notre Dame 31 Michigan 20