Saturday, February 27, 2010

ADAM BAZOOKA JONES SHIRT



Adam Jones is one of the upcoming young superstars in the game and deserves his own shirt. Coming off his first Gold Glove and All-Star appearance, the speedy Jones is known for blowing bubbles with his gum while snagging a fly or hitting a bomb into the bleachers. This is how he got his nickname of Bazooka Jones. Now you can wear the one and only Bazooka Jones 10 shirt for the low price of $17 from SportsCrack Tees.

Thursday, February 25, 2010

CHUCK LIDDELL WORKS OUT IN THE NUDE



I agree it seems extremely gay to post a video here of MMA fighter Chuck Liddell butt naked working out but what saves this video is his girlfriend Heidi Northcott doing the same exact thing. So yeah, it's not all too bad to stare at right fellas?

Man card is safe for now.

Video HT: The Big Lead

MIKE MILBURY CALLS THE RUSSIANS "EUROTRASH"



NBC Announcer Mike Milbury better hope the Russian Mafia is heavily medicated with GLeeMONEX or they are going to have a personal vendetta against the a-hole. My jaw literally dropped when I heard this live yesterday. Did he really call the Russians "Eurotrash" as I shook my head? I thought I must have heard wrong but then to see Jeremy Roenick's broken jaw drop too and Mike Patrick ask him if he really said Eurotrash...I mean wow. I guess in America it's ok to show a luger die and call Russians Eurotrash but if you show one pierced nipple the whole country explodes.

Oh, and by the way the Americans better get their shit together. The Germans are gaining fast. Stop your crying Mancuso and your excuses Vonn. Buck up and win some more medals.

Video HT: Deadspin

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

MICHIGAN AND USC IN DEEP SHIT WITH NCAA?

If you have been following college football lately you know the NCAA is investigating both USC and Michigan for breaking the rules that every other major program tends to break....except for the shitty ones. Both of their fates belong in the NCAA hands now as we will learn within the next 2-3 months whether or not Michigan will get punished for making their players stop acting like pussies and practice or if USC will get slapped with a white glove across Tommy Trojan face for paying their "student-athletes" to lose to Stanford once again. I get this gut feeling nothing is going to come of it. I would love to see the NCAA come down and lay down the SMU on USC because those cocksuckers have been breaking compliance rules more often AD Mike Garrett cleaning up yet another dead hooker in Pete Carroll's office but they won't. USC is their golden ticket out west and Michigan honestly shouldn't be punished because I want to see DickRod in Ann Arbor as long as possible. I love seeing the Michigan faithful squirm in disgust as soon as Fraud-riguez appears on the tube.

This is how I see a potential meeting going down between the NCAA and SCUM...

ADMIRAL ACKBAR FOR OLE MISS MASCOT?


According to the AJC.com Ole Miss students are jumping on a Star Wars character as their next mascot....


The campaign for Admiral Ackbar is gaining Internet, if not intergalactic, steam.

Tuesday, Ole Miss students voted to find a new mascot to replace the abandoned Colonel Reb. A student committee to develop and propose a new mascot will be formed soon.

Ackbar, a member of the Mon Calamari species who led the Rebel Alliance ships into the Battle of Endor, appears to be the early favorite. He has more than 14,000 Facebook fans. Websites like notatrap.org -- "It's a trap!" was his famous line -- are promoting Ackbar's candidacy.

"Who wants a Colonel when you could have an Admiral?" the Web site asks, before launching into "The Story of Ole Miss Ackbar."

"A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away ... Admiral Ackbar received a deep space transmission of SEC coverage. He found that he couldn't stop watching everything from football to volleyball. One team stood out to him, the Ole Miss Rebels. He led the Galactic Rebellion, and he knew he needed to be with the Ole Miss Rebels. And so, he started the long trek to Oxford, Miss."


Personally I don't think Admiral Ackbar would be a good representation of Ole Miss. First off his skin isn't white pigmented and his racism meter would seriously fail since his tends to point towards intergalactic peace. He does look similar in appearance to former coach Ed Orgeron but I think they should just bring back Colonel Reb...

How many mascots besides UGA would get as much ass as Colonel Reb would if he came back to life? Yeah I know it's not PC to have some old racist bastard as your mascot but you don't see Notre Dame dropping the Fighting Irish because they hate the English.

SCOTT VAN PELT GETS PRANKED BY THE HOWARD STERN SHOW



It actually amazes me that Captain Janks from the Howard Stern Show could pull this shit on live air. Not only was he able to convince the ESPN producers he was recently released Eagles runningback Brian Westbrook but he got them to batch him in live on SportsCenter. Great job Captain Janks! The look on Van Pelt's face is gold. Just wondering out loud but does anybody actually watch SportsCenter anymore? With the internet and all the streaming videos of highlights plus all the blogs devoted to one's favorite teams it would seem that SportsCenter would be facing extinction. I guess it's a good thing they still have Tiger Woods to cover.

Thursday, February 18, 2010

JULIA MANCUSO WINS ANOTHER SILVER


USA skier Julia Mancuso finished 2nd to a German this time and not Lindsay Vonn in the super-combined but the only reason why I ackowledge her silver medal is it gives me a reason to post pictures of the little Vixen. Here you go SportsCrack heads...

Lingerie shot...


Mancuso getting felt up in the hot tub...


She also likes to belly up to the bar with an ice cold Carlsberg...


Mancuso only turns her back to the smelly French...


She can kiss our Silver medals any day of the week...


She clearly loves to party and bring home the medals for the US of A. Give her a helping hand America...



And here is an interview she did with Digg in Whistler...

GREAT JOB FRENCHY

If you watched the Olympics yesterday you might have noticed all of the gnarly crashes by the women in the downhill skiing events. Nobody was seriously injured except the ego of this French fry...



Video HT: WWTDD

Yesterday was a great day in USA Winter Olympic history. Lindsay Vonn won the gold despite her injury while Shaun White and Shani Davis brought home the gold while dominating their respective sports. So far I have been glued to my recliner watching the Olympics nonstop...one of the main reasons why the blog posts have been scarce lately. They only come around once every 4 years fucktards so you might as well watch them and enjoy it. Right? Exactly.

USA! USA! USA!

I told you it wouldn't fit Lindsay!

THE FAT LADY DON'T FIT



I could literally watch this all day. Just seeing her chubby face stare at the wall like it's a 600 pound donut coming to eat her is simply priceless. They need to start doing this show for sports figures. First one up can be Lane Kiffin. The NCAA sends a wall in the shape of a snake. Make a network out of it.

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

PITCHERS AND CATCHERS REPORT TODAY



We can't have an initial report of pitchers and catchers reporting to Spring Training today with the absence of the George Brett shitting on himself video. It's as American as apple pies. Across camps in sunny Arizona and Florida the spectacle of mostly out of shape baseball players will stretch, shoot the shit, and warm up their bodies to get ready for Opening Day which is about 6 weeks from now.

Braves fans received some good news today when a MRI on Jair Jurrjens pitching shoulder revealed no structural damage and just minor inflammation. Braves Nation including myself were lighting the torches for GM Frank Wren for trading away Javier Vasquez to the Yankees for Tony Tarasco 2.0 because of the supposed surplus in quality starting pitchers the Braves had. You dodged this bullet Wren.

Orioles fans should be ready for an interesting season in which the once proud franchise will look to snap a 12 season losing record streak. The additions of Kevin Millwood and Mike Gonzalez should solidify a very young and talented pitching core while the signings of Miguel Tejada and Garrett Atkins could provide some more explosive offensive weapons to an offense that boosts All Stars Brian Roberts, Nick Markakis, Adam Jones and up and coming talents such as Matt Wieters and Nolan Reimold. In the toughest division when you face the Yankees, Red Sox and Rays (all top 5 teams overall in the Majors) 19 games each a winning record would be a major accomplishment considering the Orioles are still extremely young in starting pitchers. Brian Matusz, Brad Bergesen, and Chris Tillman all flashed looks of future greatness last year as rookies but will have bumps in the road much like the Atlanta Braves did in the late 80's with Tom Glavine, John Smoltz, and Steve Avery coming up.

Either way it's a time to get excited about baseball. The winter is almost gone and spring will blossom soon. And Hall of Famer George Brett will be taking a dump in his pants near you.

Play Ball!


The above picture is of a Florida Marlins Mermaid. This picture alone should make all those Cuban refuges down there want to go and see a game.

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

BARRY MELROSE USES AN INTERESTING FACIAL CREAM



I always thought Canadians were a little off with their beady little eyes and their hockey sticks so it should come as no surprise with their preferred choice of facial cream: "Chicken shit!" Gotta love the honesty from Barry Melrose. I wonder if he uses Canadian geese shit for his hair? One can only hope. By the way the USA hockey team is up 1-0 on Switzerland after the first period. We are coming for you Canada! Your socialized health care stands no chance against our corrupt Insurance companies....EH!!

SOFTBALL GUYS ADMITS TO PERFORMANCE ENHANCING DRUG USE

An Exclusive, Emotional Interview with Softball Guy from JoeSportsFan.com on Vimeo.

Monday, February 15, 2010

LOVE ME SOME WINTER OLYMPICS


Winter Olympics AD courtesy of MacGsWorld


As you may know the Winter Olympics have officially started up in the great province of British Columbia and just taking a quick look around the sports blogosphere it sounds like most bloggers hate it. While it may be true these Winter Olympics don't involve their precious football, basketball, baseball, or soccer it would be wise to get your head out of your ass and watch it before shitting all over it.

Personally I love the Winter Olympics because we get to see athletes not named Lebron or Tiger grab all the headlines. If you can't enjoy watching the freestyle moguls where skiiers go speeding down a hilly slope that would shred Tiger Wood's labia into quarters then you are a fucking communist and you should be deported to Cuba quicker than you can say Fidel Castro. No but seriously the Winter Olympics are fun to watch. These athletes with the lone exception of curlers who are really just like Nascar Drivers (they couldn't cut it in real sports so they decided normal everyday activities like sweeping and driving a car was something which only a small portion of the population otherwise known as rednecks and ratards would appreciate) spend 4 years if not more in their lives preparing for one moment of glory. Some fail. Some triumph. Either way the competition drives them to unbelievable heights and with country pride at stake I don't see how you could not enjoy watching the Olympics.

Even sports that some may call stupid like figure skating are completely mesmerizing to watch. You try skating on a thin piece of ice in a leotard while be thrown up into the air in order to land a triple lutz-triple loop. It isn't that easy stud. I can't imagine the hours of training and dedication that went into it so I merely watch and root for the Americans to kick some ass. Oh yeah, there is also nothing wrong with being patriotic during the Olympics. It's one of the few times you can shout "USA USA USA" into someone's face without fear of being persecuted for being a douche.

So if you are bored of watching meaningless NBA games and waiting for March Madness to kick in please tune in to NBC and watch some Winter Olympics. Don't be a communist prick or a terrorist. Be American. Watch the Olympics. On NBC.

/blogpost sponsored by NBC.

Thursday, February 11, 2010

DRINK LIKE A CHAMPION TODAY HOODS NOW ONLY $15


For a limited time only you can warm yourself up with a DRINK LIKE A CHAMPION TODAY hoodie for only $15. We only have a limited amount of them left so go ahead and buy one today before they are gone at this great price (regular price is $35).

THE WHO DAT REDNECKS ARE BACK DESTROYING TVS



Umm, I really don't have much to say. I always knew Saints fans had a screw loose. Must be all the bourbon down there and swamp land. If you ever thought the movie "WaterBoy" was full of stereotypes and racist innuendo well then obviously you haven't been to Louisiana. Wow.

Video HT: WithLeather

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

DREW ORLEANS WHO DAT NATION SHIRT



Since we have had a ton of requests for not only a Who Dat? shirt but also for Mr. New Orleans himself now we have made an executive decision to produce the DREW ORLEANS WHO DAT NATION SHIRT. These fantastic soft cotton t-shirts have a vintage look and feel to them and are exclusive designs of SportsCrack LLC. These shirts are UNLICENSED and have absolutely no affiliation with the NFL or their properties. This is just another shirt to show your Who Dat? pride with this classic Drew Orleans designed tee shirt. Get your shirt now in time for Mardi Gras!!!!

SPORTSCRACK STORE

WHO DAT? CHAMPS 2009 SHIRT



We have gotten a thousand requests to do this shirt so here you go New Orleans fanatics: WHO DAT? CHAMPS 2009 Shirt. For the low price of $17 you can display your Who Dat? pride with this exclusive tee shirt from SportsCrack. This is an UNLICENSED shirt and has absolutely no affiliation with the NFL or their properties. A portion of all t-shirt sales go to the American Cancer Society. Enjoy and be sure to spread the word.

SPORTSCRACK STORE

TRACY PORTER'S INTERCEPTION IN TECMO BOWL STYLE



Forget about Madden Football, Tecmo Bowl was the shit back in the day. Whether you used Bo Jackson or Walter Payton or Jerry Rice to score you ridiculous amounts of touchdowns or had LT (the real one and not the pussy who wears light blue these days) rushing off the end you could dominate. It was also the first fun football game to play competively against your friends on Nintendo. It's right up there with NHL 93 and Mario Brothers in terms of iconic sounds and images and gameplay.

Tuesday, February 09, 2010

BRIAN KELLY SHIRTS AND KELLY'S HEROES SHIRTS ARE NOW $10




For a limited time we have a sale going on for the new Brian Kelly Winning His Way Shirts and Kelly's Heroes. For only $10 you can get them in either green or navy. Be sure to order yours now before they are gone. First come first serve on these bad boys.

Monday, February 08, 2010

WHEN THE SAINTS GO MARCHING IN

As you know I'm not a Saints fan. In fact I don't like them at all. I'm an Atlanta Falcons fan and the Saints are their oldest and most storied rival (which really isn't much since most of both franchise is comprised of shit seasons) but I do enjoy watching celebration videos. One of these days I will get to be a part of it and I sure as hell won't be working the next day. More than likely I will be naked in a holding cell. Shivering. With a smile on my face. Anyways, here is a Saints celebration video...


Video HT: Deadspin

THE HIGH-FIVE HIT UP MIAMI

You can not have a Super Bowl without a high-five montage. So here you go, the high-five montage...

THIS SUPER BOWL COMMERCIAL CAUGHT MY ATTENTION

Another shitty year of Super Bowl commercials was a disappointment but this one for TruTv made me laugh out loud only for the reason because little people are funny....

TRACY PORTER SEALS THE DEAL FOR N'AWLINS



Congratulations go out to the New Orleans Saints and their fans (the real ones from the Bayou, not the bandwagon ones) on their first Super Bowl victory last night over the Indianapolis Colts. The Saints dominated the game after the first quarter and deserved to win thanks to an almost perfect performance from Drew Brees who won the Super Bowl MVP (33 for 39 with a spike and a dropped pass) and had a great moment with his newborn son. Cornerback Tracy Porter sealed the victory last night with this electric pick 6 when he jumped the route and made Manning look like a choke artist again. The game for the most part lived up to the hype and minus the INT Manning and Brees had a classic duel that should go down in history.

Now that football season is over can we petition to have this game on Saturday night now? I know the tradition is to have it on Sundays but I think for most people who work it's awfully tough to get up on the following Monday after partying with your friends and family all night. Saturday night would be perfect. The parties would be crazy and I bet the ratings would be about the same if not better. Just a thought as I try to shake out this Super Bowl hangover.

Friday, February 05, 2010

DICKROD KEEPING IT REAL WITH DEMAR DORSEY RECRUITMENT


Demar Dorsey is not only the #2 rated prep safety in the nation going to Michigan but he has an outstanding past with an arrest for robbery with a deadly weapon as a 16 year old and burglary of a building as a 17 year old. But who gives a shit the boy can play some ball and will now be up in Ann Arbor wrecking havoc in the dorms. Lock up your Macbooks coeds. Here is what Michigan head football coach had to say in regards to the controversial new recruit's past history...

Theres nobody on this football team that weve signed that has a felony conviction ... Theres nobody on this football team we signed that has a misdemeanor conviction.


Ah, makes perfect sense now. No wonder Demar can run a 4.25 40 and have a vertical jump of almost 40 inches. Mofo has literally been running from the popo the past 3 years trying to earn a scholarship to get his edumakation up in Ann Arbor. Dorsey is so fast he has managed to escape a felony conviction. It's fantastic to see DickRod take in such an outstanding young gentlemen into his program and show him the right way to do things. Hell, it worked for him with PacMan and Chris Henry in West Virginia. Those kids went in as saints and left as popes with degrees in hand.

God bless DickRod and his kind heart.

Thursday, February 04, 2010

I WANT TO STRANGLE YOU



You see the schmuck with the suit and tie standing behind the Atlanta Thrashers' bench? Yes, the same guy looking up at the jumbo tron with the same blank less expression as your grandfather who suffers from Alzheimer's. His name is Don Waddell. He is the general manager of the Thrashers. In fact he has been their GM ever since they fluttered to existence 11 years ago. The man with the "5 year plan" has as many playoff wins as you the reader. 0.0 in fact. He has let All-Star players go (Dany Heatley, Marc Savard, Marian Hossa) in the past because he either didn't want to pay them fair market value or because he is a fucking idiot who doesn't know how to run a professional hockey organization. I would say both.

And now he is going to trade away the face of the franchise. The one player who actually wants to win and stay in Atlanta but who also deserves to be paid fair market value for the superstar he is. I'm talking about Ilya Kovalchuk. Kovy as he is affectionately known to Thrashers' fans is about to leave the one franchise who couldn't put a cast around him to support his talents. Kovy is the greatest player to lace up the skates for the Thrashers and will probably be the last in Atlanta. The Atlanta Spirit Group (sounds like a Gay Pride Parade, not that there is anything wrong with that) is their collective group of donkey ass owners who would rather be cheap and sell a shitty product rather than invest and make a better product for fans to come watch. It makes sense to be constantly cheap when you are investing in a better future. The Thrashers are not. Waddell released this candid and rather frank statement about why he will now be trading Kovalchuk:

"Our goal from the start of this negotiating process was to sign Ilya Kovalchuk to a long-term contract," Waddell said in a statement. "During the process, Kovy affirmed his desire to be a Thrasher for life. We've spent several months exploring scenarios with Kovy and his agent to reach a mutually beneficial agreement and offered many lucrative packages in an attempt to meet his financial objectives. Unfortunately, we've reached an impasse and at this point he has declined all of our proposals and we can't reasonably go any higher.

"Ultimately, we offered Kovy more than $101 million over 12 years, which would have been the highest contract signed by an impending unrestricted free agent in the history of the league," Waddell said in the statement. "If accepted, this contract would have been the second-highest offer ever to any NHL player. We also met his desire to be the highest-paid player based on average annual salary with a separate offer of seven years at $10 million per year ($70 M). This offer is $0.5 million higher per year than any other player.

"If we went beyond these offers, we would not be able to retain the young players on our roster when it came time to sign them or invest in other top-tier players needed to assemble a truly competitive team. Therefore, we are aggressively exploring all of our options as we move forward," Waddell's statement said.


Notice the "if we went beyond these offers we would not be able to retain the young players on our roster" is one of the most laughable statements I have ever read. Waddell and the ASG have never ponied up the money to retain any of their young players and are doing the same with Kovy so why would that change now or in the future? If Waddell is so interested in investing in top-tier players like he says he is then he should have signed Kovy a long time ago. Last season would have been nice instead of waiting till the last moment to negotiate an extension.

If you read this blog you know that I usually side on the ownership's side rather than the players because if you have ever run a business you know how important your bottom line is. But the Thrashers are so poorly run and have been for 11 plus seasons that they are now getting rid of their best product and will conceivably settle for worse players in return for a guy who is the only reason you sell tickets in the first place. The die hard hockey fans will still show up but the casual fans who are looking to be entertained want to come into the building and watch Kovy. He is worth the price of admission. Without him the Thrashers are not worth anything now or in the future because players are not going to want to come to an organization that trades or lets their best players walk away when it comes to getting paid what they deserve. It's like the Thrashers are being run by the actual company GM and are expecting some miracle government grant to come in and save their sorry asses when they have nobody to blame but themselves.

The Thrashers should have given Kovy what he wanted. He is only 26 years old and is only getting better with age. He deserves the money because he sells tickets and is an exceptional talent that can not be replaced unless you are getting back an Ovechkin or a Crosby in exchange. That of course won't happen. The Oilers didn't get better when Gretzky left. The Bulls didn't get better when Jordan left. For this is one of many reasons why Waddell is making a huge mistake. And for this I want to strangle his fat fucking turkey head.

Good bye Kovy. You will be missed and you deserve better. Thanks for the memories from this die hard Thrashers fan.

YOUR DREARY THURSDAY AFTERNOON FLASH

I know most of you are stuck in the office today on this dreadful February Thursday (it's raining again here in Atlanta, I swear we are turning into Seattle) so I figured this video could brighten up your day. It's NSFW so be sure to send it to your boss or your sexy co-worker who keeps ignoring your advances. Trust me they love this shit.

Wednesday, February 03, 2010

#1 PROSPECT SEANTREL HENDERSON PICKS USC



Continuing the tradition and stealing another recruit at the last moment seems to be Lane Kiffin's m.o. I wish Seantrel nothing but sanctions and losses in South Central.

/bitter ND fan.

TIM TEBOW'S SUPER BOWL COMMERCIAL

Via WithLeather comes the Tim Tebow pro-life commercial which will certainly make women think things over before picking up that wire hanger and vacuum. Imagine a world without Tim Tebow. I know. It's too scary to even imagine.

CLOTHING DRIVE

If all these bull shit publicity whore celebrities really want me to donate some of my hard earned dough to the country of Haiti well then they can start offering up incentives like this...free Bud Light...

Monday, February 01, 2010

REX RYAN STILL TALKING THE SMACK



Awfully brave of Jet's coach Rex Ryan to talk some shit to the Miami crowd at an ultimate fighting competition. Talk about having some cajones. Half the crowd is either convicted felons or gang members. And no I'm not stereotyping ultimate fighting fans. I'm laying this on the whole city of Miami.

SHAUN WHITE TAKES ONE TO THE TOMATO CAN



I got to give the kid some credit. He took a vicious hit to the head which rocketed his helmet off about 50 feet in the air and yet he got up and shook it off. Bravo Shaun White. Bravo. If that were Ladainian Tomlinson on the half pipe he would have sat out the finals due to fatigue.

Oh yeah, the asshole in me came out when his helmet flew off. I couldn't help but laugh out loud. Something about seeing a red headed longhair take one in the noggin is funny.