Thursday, November 26, 2009

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

I'm thankful for family and friends and all the loyal readers/pimps who actually read this blog without killing themselves. You should be rewarded for such dedication. Most of all I'm thankful this man is finally in jail yet he still remains the face of USC Football...



The blog will be taking a hiatus for a few days as I travel to San Francisco with my wonderful wife to take in Charlie Weis's farewell game in Stanford. (leave jokes in comment section)

Make sure you get stuffed today with some good food and "friends"...



And most importantly don't forget to bast the turkey....


GOBBLE GOBBLE PICTURES COURTESTY OF HOLY TACO

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

THIS KID COULD START FOR NOTRE DAME RIGHT NOW



Seriously. Besides Manti Te'o their other linebackers have looked average at best. This kid could compete.

BRADY QUINN IS DATING OLYMPIC GYMNAST ALICIA SACRAMONE







Gee, I wonder why?

MATTHEW STAFFORD IS NOW A MAN...MAN...MANLY MAN



You can pretty much put anything with South Park music and I will post it. This could have been highlights of Adam Lambert sucking off some guy and as long as it had this badass song to it you can pretty much guarantee your sweet ass I'm posting it.

Via WithLeather

PETA CAN LICK MY BALLS


If you though PETA pissed you off before well then listen to this bullshit they are suggesting to Georgia Bulldogs athletic director Damon Evans...

People for Ethical Treatment of Animals has a suggestion for the University of Georgia, which is looking for a replacement for Uga VII, the Georgia Bulldog mascot who died last Thursday in Savannah:

PETA says the University should use what it calls an “animatronic dog,” or use a person in a costume. PETA has sent its suggestion via e-mail to University of Georgia Athletic Director Damon Evans. The PETA e-mail follows…

In the wake of the untimely death of the University of Georgia’s (UGA) bulldog mascot, Uga VII, PETA has asked the school’s athletic director, Damon M. Evans, to replace the mascot with an animatronic dog–or to rely solely on a costumed mascot–instead of using another real bulldog. Bulldogs are prone to breathing difficulties, hip dysplasia, heart disorders, and other congenital ailments, and acquiring a dog from a breeder perpetuates the animal overpopulation crisis while causing another dog waiting in an animal shelter to be condemned to death.




Replace UGA with a robotic dog? Are you fucking kidding me? What do these people smoke? I really wish we could lock up those crazy PETA bastards and feed them to Michael Vick's pitbulls.

BREAKING NEWS: JIMMY CLAUSEN PUTS ANOTHER BLACK EYE ON THE NOTRE DAME PROGRAM


No it's not breaking news and no he isn't literally putting a black eye on the Notre Dame football program. I just wanted to write the headline for shits and giggles. I actually feel bad for Jimmy Clausen. People shit on him for the way he committed to Notre Dame at the College Football Hall of Fame but ever since then he has gone out of his way to prove he is worth the hype. The only person who didn't live up to their enormous overrated hype was Charlie Weis. It baffles me with the amount of elite talent that Notre Dame possesses on the offensive side of the ball that the Fighting Irish rank 45th in scoring offense. Absolutely fucking ridiculous. Clausen has had a Heisman like year in terms of stats and comeback wins and yet if he loses this week at Stanford he will have a 16-18 record at Notre Dame as the starting quarterback. And to think Charlie Weis thinks Jimmy "may be the greatest player in Notre Dame history" according to John Walters and you can see why Weis is mostly talk with little substance. It wasn't Jimmy's fault that Weis made all these promises and didn't deliver. Maybe the fan was just sending a message to Weis through Clausen. Shameful to say the least. I'm going to be in Stanford this Saturday for the game. I will be cheering my ass off one final time for head coach Charlie Weis and the boys like I always do but I can honestly say that I can not wait to see Weis and Clausen in the NFL next year. It's time for their era to end and a new coach with a plan to bring optimism back into the program.

BRETT FAVRE LOVES HIS TINY WRANGLER JEANS



It takes balls of steel to wear tiny jeans like Brett Favre does. That is why he is a Hall of Famer and we are just witnesses.

Monday, November 23, 2009

URBAN MEYER NOT COMING TO NOTRE DAME...FOR NOW


For the delusional fans like myself who think Urban Meyer might leave Florida and return to Notre Dame to help them return to respectability, well, sorry, Urban stomped and crapped on that scenario today...

GAINESVILLE, Fla. (AP) -- Florida coach Urban Meyer says he plans to coach the Gators "as long as they'll have me."

With rumors swirling about Charlie Weis' future at Notre Dame, Meyer squashed any potential speculation about leaving Gainesville for South Bend.

Meyer's news conference Monday was his most emotional in five seasons at Florida, with the coach having to pause and compose himself several times while talking about quarterback Tim Tebow and other seniors' final home game Saturday against rival Florida State.

Meyer also said he believes Tebow could coach Florida down the road.



I've contacted a few of my ND contacts, so called "insiders" you could say whose family members have buildings named after them on Notre Dame campus and whom had some direct knowledge when Charlie Weis was hired and when his contract was renegotiated in 2005. They have absolutely no idea what is going on right now with the coaching search. ND Athletic Director Jack Swarbrick is keeping everything to himself right now. He isn't leaking shit. So anybody other than Swarbrick that goes on a message board or proclaims they know who the next coach is going to be is full of shit. Only Swarbrick knows which coaches he is going to contact and try to bring in and right now he will not let it become a media fiasco like former AD/dipshit Kevin White did with the Ty Willingham hire and fire.

Listen, I want Urban Meyer as much as anybody. He is the perfect coach for Notre Dame. He is a proven winner but he isn't coming right now. He has it made in Gainesville and his family is extremely comfortable there. Would you want to leave Florida right now on the verge of competing for a third National Title in 4 years to go to Northern Indiana? I didn't think so.

If I had to place my money on a guy who will get the job it is Brian Kelly. Kelly is interested and don't believe all the BS about past transgressions that won't let him get the offer at a school like Notre Dame. Hopefully Swarbrick gets him signed and delivered by the middle of next week. But then again the only person who really knows who the best pick for head football coach at Notre Dame is Swarbrick.

Friday, November 20, 2009

ANOTHER REASON TO FEEL BAD FOR DEREK JETER: MINKA KELLY



Seriously, I feel bad for the guy. First he has to deal with winning his 5th World Series ring and now he has to lay out in the sun with his girlfriend Minka Kelly ("Friday Night Lights" actress) while vacationing in St. Barts. Tough life for Jeter. I feel for him.

/wipes tears away with old Baltimore Orioles hat

CARMEN ELECTRA WANTS YOUR ATTENTION



Granted she gets the attention all the time but why no nudity Carmen? She has already done Playboy. This PR video should help put her back into shitty Hollywood films. She should just go full out and start doing porn and stop wasting our time.

STONERS UNITE: THE FREAK WINS ANOTHER CY YOUNG


And who said marijuana was a gateway drug? Gateway to back-to-back Cy Youngs, money out of your ass, and your pick of any female fan you want a night with sounds like a hell of a drug to me. Congratulations go out to Tim "The Freak" Lincecum for winning yet another Cy Young. He deserved it. And to think the Baltimore Orioles passed on him in the 2006 MLB Draft because they had questions about his size and work ethic for fucking Billy Rowell whom has proved to be nothing more than a lazy pothead of wasted baseball talent. Brilliant move by the front office there.

RIP UGA VII



At the ripe age of 4 years old UGA VII went down with a heart attack yesterday. The famous English bulldog might be laid to rest tomorrow during the Kentucky game. Let's hope for Georgia's sake Willie Martinez joins UGA in not roaming the sidelines anymore. At least UGA could lick his balls correctly.

RIP UGA VII.

Also our condolences go out to Chris Spielman and his family and friends. Yesterday his wife Stefanie lost her long battle with breast cancer. If you feel like contributing to her fund please click here which goes straight to breast cancer research. Hopefully someday we can beat this awful disease and any little contribution can help. RIP Stefanie, you will not be forgotten.

Thursday, November 19, 2009

ERIN DREWES SHOWS OFF HER GATOR PRIDE


TOTALPROSPORTS has pictures of Florida Gators alum Erin Drewes (aka Tebow internet girl) whose picture with Tebow exploded all over the internet. She was presumably his girlfriend but that was never the case according to Erin...

We are acquaintances through mutual friends and we would see each other here and there. We were standing together talking at a party at U of F and that’s when the now-infamous picture was taken. I was never dating Tim Tebow, nor was I ever his girlfriend! I’m convinced the picture must have been photoshopped—my breasts certainly are not that big!


Don't you worry about that Erin, we will be the judge of that.



Wednesday, November 18, 2009

BETWEEN TWO FERNS WITH ZACH GALIFIANAKIS



"Does anyone ever tell you, you seem like you are the black Byron Allen?"

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

TERRY BRADSHAW KNOWS HIS FOOTBALL



Extra Mustard points out this video from Sunday of FOX blowhard Terry Bradshaw making one of his useless predictions while everybody laughs for no apparent reason. Seriously, how do people watch these pregame shows? It's like trying to watch Dane Cook attempting to be funny. Fucking brutal. But not nearly as brutal as that shitfest called Monday Night Football last night. That was some of the worst NFL football I have ever seen. The Cleveland Browns should just move again. That franchise is so ass backwards it's not even funny anymore. Eric Mangini is a fucking moron. You want to know why their offense can't score it's not just on the QB (although I will admit Brady Quinn looked pretty bad last night) it's because you don't stick with one guy. You have Cribbs lining up at QB. You have all these bullshit motions trying to fool the defense. You really think you are going to fool a defense led by Ray Lewis? GTF out of here. The Ravens looked like complete shit too. I thought before the season started that they had a legit shot of going to the Super Bowl. They look horrible right now and beating Cleveland doesn't put roses on their pooh pooh performance.

From watching Notre Dame tank another season to seeing Michael Turner go down with a high ankle strain and Matty Ice throw yet another crucial INT to the Ravens looking like the Bengal's bitches it has been a tough football season for myself. If you would have told me Notre Dame, the Atlanta Falcons and the Baltimore Ravens would all have mediocre to bad seasons before the season started I would have called you Terry Bradshaw. Fuck it. At least the Atlanta Hawks and Thrashers are playing inspired ball/puck.

Monday, November 16, 2009

COLLEGE FOOTBALL'S MOST ELECTRIFYING PLAYER: GOLDEN TATE



My mancrush for Golden grows every time he touches the ball. Notre Dame hasn't had a player with his speed and balance since Rocket was torching defenses. Golden will be missed big time when he leaves early for the NFL Draft. Whoever gets him is getting the next Steve Smith/Hines Ward. He would look great in an Atlanta Falcons uniform.

HAVE YOU SEEN SARAH JESSICA PARKER'S NEW FLICK?



I'm sorry but she is just not aging well at all. Look at those fucking hands. Creepy ya know.

YOU CAN CROSS JON GRUDEN OFF THE ND LIST


FROM THE BIG LEAD
comes this statement from ESPN PR:

“Jon Gruden has agreed to an exclusive multi-year agreement with the company. In addition to his MNF role alongside play-by-play commentator Mike Tirico and analyst Ron Jaworski, Gruden will appear on ESPN’s NFL Draft and Super Bowl week coverage, among other platforms, and he will call the 2010 NFL Pro Bowl in South Florida on January 31, 2010. Gruden will serve as an analyst for ESPN Radio’s 2010 Rose Bowl and BCS title game broadcasts.”


Honestly I'm kind of happy this happened now. I'm not convinced Gruden would be a great college coach. What this should tell Notre Dame athletic director Jack Swarbrick is he needs to make a move immediately. Everyone knows that Charlie Weis days at Notre Dame are over. Why leave it up in the air? If I were him I would fire him immediately and start looking for a new coach. Make Corwin Brown the interim head coach and burn up the phone lines while Notre Dame finishes the season beating UCONN then getting trounced by Stanford. Your first three calls go to Urban Meyer's agent. You see if there is any interest and you offer him the world. Highest paid salary. Bonuses galore for him and his assistants. Essentially you open a door and offer him this...

JUCO transfers are now allowed. An endless support for what Urban thinks is right including letting in some kids that wouldn't normally be allowed in. The support structure is so great at Notre Dame when it comes to academics with their student-athletes that it shouldn't be too big of a risk allowing players in who don't have the greatest GPA in the world.

If Urban refuses the job then you call Brian Kelly's agent. Offer him the same incentive package. Kelly is basically Urban Meyer 2.0. I have a hard time believing Kelly would refuse the job. But the point is you need to move fast Swarbrick. No waiting like ND did with Ty Willingham and letting him finish the season before looking for a new coach. You snooze you lose.

JAMAR WALL KNOCKS OUT ZAC ROBINSON



This is why your parents didn't want you to play football when you were little. Oklahoma State's QB Zac Robinson is absolutely leveled to China on this hit by Texas Tech's Jamar Wall. The result: a fumble and two concussions. Vegetative state in their late 50's outlook just went up tremendously.

DAN MARINO SAYS NAUGHTY WORD



NOT QUALIFIED TO COMMENT has this excellent half time analysis video by Hall of Famer Dan Marino on CBS yesterday. He drops the S word by accident. It must have been those shitty Isotoner gloves he was trying to get off.

Friday, November 13, 2009

HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND FOLKS!



Clearly I was thinking of my loyal readers when I posted this Asian bikini girl absolutely stroking the ball so I wanted to send you in this weekend with a bang. Literal. This week has been a personal roller coaster for my family since our cat went missing. Spare me the gay jokes with the cat, I'm a dog person but it doesn't mean I can't miss Wiley. Plus now I think a law firm out of Oak Brook, Illinois is trying to extort money from me. I will let you know how that goes since they obviously fucked with the wrong person. Email me if you have any questions or if you are a lawyer, would love to get some insight.

Peace!

Go Irish! Go Jackets! Go Dawgs! And most importantly: Go Beer!


Video courtesy of WithLeather

DWAYNE WADE WOULD LIKE TO KNOW HOW HIS NUTS TASTE

Because after this facial Cleveland's Anderson Varejao knows full well how salty they are...

STOP "BUST"ING MY BALLS



Her name is Ewa Sonnet and apparently she is some kind of model. Model is code word for hooker by the way. I'm positive each one of her boobs has it's own area code.

WET BEAVER



Video HT: HotClicks

COST OF PEST REMOVAL IS EXPENSIVE THESE DAYS



The one and only Spencer Hall from Everydayshouldbesaturday.com came up with this chart. Bravo.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

OH SHIT NOW THEY ARE MAKING EXCUSES FOR LOSING TO NAVY


Via UHND with video courtesy of IrishIllustrated

Notre Dame assistant head coach Corwin Brown meant to cause little harm with his comments in regards to Navy's head coach Ken Niumatalolo comments to the media following their win over Notre Dame but I'm afraid this is just the beginning of the end for this coaching staff. It kind of tells you how low the Notre Dame football program has gotten when they start making excuses for losing to Navy. The fact is that Navy did outscheme and out coach the Notre Dame defense. This isn't even up for discussion. The had over 400 yards of offense while rushing for over 350 yards. Their whole team is made up of players who would never have the chance to put on the pads at Notre Dame. So please Corwin, I know you are pissed because of the cut blocking and all the shit that comes with it (injuries, hurt feelings, etc.) but why didn't you have your players fight back during the game? I think one of the main reasons why Notre Dame keeps losing under Charlie Weis is they play the respect factor too much with their opponents. They talk about respecting the kids who fight for our country and blah blah blah. How about fighting for a fucking win like Navy did on Saturday?

Expect the media to have a field day with this video too. Just another feather in the cap for excuses made as to why Notre Dame can't succeed even with a roster full of talent.

REAL WOMEN OF GENIUS

In today's REAL WOMEN OF GENIUS we have Miss America's Carrie Prejean acting "inappropriately" to a pretty fair question from Larry King courtesy of Hot Clicks...

Sarah Palin is her hero? Not surprising coming from a beauty queen I suppose.

The second edition of REAL WOMEN OF GENIUS comes this fantastic reenactment of "Risky Business"...


Bravo Ladies, Bravo.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

OFFICIAL CONFESSION OF LAZINESS

Courtesy of the HolyTaco comes this list of laziness which about half I checked off on...

TONY GONZALEZ AND WIFE GO NUDE FOR PETA



Come on Tony, for PETA? It must have been the old lady's idea. No self respecting tight end would pose nude for those liberal assclowns. I don't even get the ad because the last time I saw somebody wear a fur coat was back in the 80's.

SPORTSCRACK TOP 10


Above image courtesy of HOTSECPOON.COM

1. FLORIDA GATORS-Urban Meyer's troops are getting stronger along with their defense. In handling Vandy 27-3 last week they move just a step closer to their 3rd National Title in 4 seasons.

2. TEXAS LONGHORNS-I'm convinced now that Texas is going undefeated till their bowl game which will be the BCS Championship. Colt McCoy passed for a career record of 470 yards while his roommate Jordan Shipley set a Texas record with 273 yards receiving.

3. ALABAMA CRIMSON TIDE-BAMA won the SEC West and a future date with Florida in the SEC Championship game by beating LSU 24-15. If the Tide can win out against Miss State, Chattanooga, and Auburn then whoever wins the SEC Title game will play for the BCS Title. By the way, I have looked into getting tickets for the SEC Championship since it's here in Atlanta and I have yet to go to one. Tickets start at $700 a piece in a shitty economy. Looks like HDTV will be my friend that day.

4. TCU HORNED FROGS-TCU gets College Gameday this week with Utah visiting. The campus should be electric and if the Horned Frogs can win out at the minimum they should get a BCS Bowl game. If 2 of the top 3 slip up then I think TCU should be playing for a BCS Championship if they win out because I think their defense is one of the best in the nation.

5. CINCINNATI BEARCATS-Brian Kelly still has them undefeated at 9-0. He is setting himself up perfectly for another BCS Bowl game. In order to do so they must beat West Virginia this week. They should.

6. BOISE STATE BRONCOS-Still undefeated so I have to put them up here. They won't play anybody the rest of the season which will hurt their BCS rankings but they can still make a BCS Bowl game considering at least 1 if not 2 or 3 teams ranked ahead of them will lose before the season is over.

7. GEORGIA TECH YELLOW JACKETS-The Jackets survived on Saturday against Wake Forest thanks to the cajones of Paul Johnson. In overtime, instead of kicking the field goal on 4th and short to send it to another overtime Johnson decided to go for it. The Jackets won. They travel to Duke this week in what should be a blowout.

8. IOWA HAWKEYES-Their luck finally ran out but they still have a chance to win the Big Ten by winning their next two games. They travel to the Horseshoe this Saturday. If they had a half way decent QB they would still be undefeated.

9. PITTSBURGH PANTHERS-I have a gut feeling they will blow out Notre Dame this weekend and get a lot more publicity for being a top 10 team. Wanny has Pitt playing excellent ball and should have little trouble with Charlie Weis this Saturday.

10. LSU TIGERS-Their only two losses have come at the hands of Florida and Alabama. Both of those games could have been won too. It's too bad they won't be playing in a BCS game this year.

ON THE OUTSIDE: Oregon, Utah, USC, Ohio State, Miami

CLEMSON ROWING TEAM WANTS YOU TO READ THEIR LIPS



Deadspin was the first to introduce the world to the Clemson Tigers rowing team which sometimes goes by the nickname of the Cameltoes. I feel kind of bad for these 9 women. Too much labia in college sports can be detrimental to future endeavors such as employment so I won't publish their names. Trust me, my labia has gotten me ridiculed for years.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

THE SOLUTION FOR SWEATY BALLS: FRESH BALLS



How did it take this long to get antiperspirant for your manbags? We got people to the fucking moon 40 years ago but we are just now coming up with a product to get rid of sweaty balls. Our priorities are so whacked these days. Living in Hotlanta means I could use FreshBalls a solid 9 months of the year. My suffering is now over and so can yours. Sweaty Balls are a thing of the past. God bless.

Video HT: HolyTaco

JENNIFER LOVE HEWITT FINALLY GOES FOR THE POLE



JLH has been playing the sweet, innocent girl for too long. It's time for her to grow up. It looks like she has finally grasped what it takes to make it "big" time in Hollywood: pole dancing. She needs to bring out her inner-Halle Berry and realize she isn't going to be nailing big movie roles without nailing some top notch producers and/or showing a little more skin. Berry took it all off for "Monster Ball" and won an Academy Award. Hewitt is now pole dancing on her show the "Ghost Whisperer" which is just a step to full frontal and an eventual sex tape. Do it for all the kids out there aka middle aged men.

Video HT: TheDailyFix

Monday, November 09, 2009

AFROS - AMERICA'S FINEST RECEIVERS ON SATURDAY SHIRT




Buy one or two right now. It will make you feel better. Trust me. Chances of you getting laid are greatly improved while sporting the AFROS.

SPORTSCRACK STORE PAGE

KELLY BROOK DOESN'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT NOTRE DAME


Which really means I don't want to talk about it because honestly it hurts too much. She also doesn't want to hear from all the Charlie Weis apologists. Just look at her and enjoy your day...



Picture HT: WWTDD

RICHMOND ANNOUNCER GOES OFF



Fast forward to the :37 second mark. His sentiments were how I felt watching the Notre Dame-Navy game this weekend. "What a bum!"

THIS GUY HAD MONEY ON HIS TEAM LOSING RIGHT?



I will let you know Pete Rose never did something this malicious against his teams while he was coaching.

DEANGELO HALL IS A PUNK



What is it with the Falcons and Virginia Tech head cases? DeAngelo Hall might be as dumb as Michael Vick. Shut your mouth and play the game the right way. You got cut because you suck balls. It wasn't personal. You sucked then and you still suck now. Your suckiness is all knowing. Hell, the Raiders thought you sucked and released you. You play on the Deadskins now. I'm so happy the Falcons don't have players like DeAngelo on their team anymore. The result is an actual team with winners.

SAMMY SOSA IS THE NEW KING OF POP



This is a recent photograph of former MLB slugger/roid user Sammy Sosa and his new look: white. He has become the new King of Pop.

ABSOLUTELY PATHETIC



2 home losses to Navy the last 3 years will get you canned. I have officially ran out of excuses for Charlie Weis. I've always been a fan of the "give coaches five years to turn around a program" but it's clear as day that Notre Dame Football is just as mediocre as the day Weis took over for Ty Willingham.

From now on ND's athletic director Jack Swarbrick better be burning up the phone lines looking for replacements as soon as the Stanford games final whistle blows. Personally I think the best man for the job is Urban Meyer. Do I think it is realistic to get him? No, not really. He has a great job right now at Florida and will probably win his 3rd National Title in 4 years thus turning the Gators into a dynasty. Why would he want to leave? He wouldn't. So if you can't get the best you have to settle for one of the rest. Any of these coaches would be better than Charlie Weis: Gary Patterson (TCU head coach), Brian Kelly (Cincinnati head coach), Jon Gruden (Super Bowl winning HEAD coach and current MNF announcer), Mark Richt (yes, I said it, he would be a great representative for ND and he can recruit), or Paul Johnson (Georgia Tech head coach).

I've always wanted Weis to succeed because I think he is a good man and I know he busts his ass 24/7 to make Notre Dame football competitive. It's just simply not working. When you have elite Heisman caliber players on your roster (Jimmy Clausen, Golden Tate, and Michael Floyd) and you are still struggling to put points on the board against teams like Navy then you are what you are: over your head. A coach is always measured with wins or losses whether it is right or wrong. And right now the Fighting Irish are 16-20 in their last 3 seasons. Absolutely pathetic. Thanks for the memories Charlie. It's time to bring in a proven winner. Finally.

Thursday, November 05, 2009

MUST SEE TV: THE LEAGUE ON FX


The League on FX - Exclusive Clip - The Birthday Song - The most popular videos are here

I watched the series premiere last night of "The League" on FX Channel and I admit I haven't laughed so hard since I watched the latest "Curb Your Enthusiasm" on Monday night. "The League" is hysterical and worth the time. It comes on tonight on the FX Channel at 10:30, right after "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia." The show follows the lives of friends who are in a fantasy football league together. The cast is great and the writing as far as the pilot goes was outstanding. If you are a fan of Curb or Kenny Powers then I'm pretty sure you will enjoy "The League." Give it a shot tonight. If you don't enjoy it then clearly you are a communist who can't enjoy humor of any kind.

27 TITLES RETURN TO GLORY SHIRT



Our newest Sportscrack t-shirt is called "27 Titles Return To Glory" with the "Putting the Nasty Back in Dynasty" on the back. Please note how the 27 and DYNASTY are in pinstripes. We are taking preorders now, shirts will start shipping starting next week.

27 RETURN TO GLORY SHIRT

NUMERO UNO REASON TO WATCH THE HILLS

Audrina Patridge is on the show. At least I think she is. Honestly I have no fucking clue. I stopped watching MTV when "Beavis and Butthead" was canceled. Any network dumb enough to cancel that show doesn't deserve my attention. Patridge on the other hand does deserve it...




Image HT: WWTDD

PICKING UP CHICKS WITH TOP GUN LINES

Holy Taco went to the Bahamas and boarded the Bud Light Party Cruise with one goal: to pick up girls with lines from the movie "Top Gun." The results varied...


EMBED-Hot Chicks Love the Top Gun Song - Watch more free videos

So this is what I have been doing wrong all these years. I always tend to use lines from "Silence of the Lambs." For some reason girls don't dig the line "it puts the lotion on it's skin or it gets the hose again!" I mean come on, it makes perfect sense ladies. You are on the beach getting sunburned. I'm offering you protection from the harmful UV rays. So just go ahead and get in my windowless van.

CONGRATS TO THE NEW YORK YANKEES ON TITLE #27



The long suffering is over for you Yankees fans out there. Now you can know that when A-Roid makes out with himself in front of the mirror he is doing it as a World Champion. Actually the only two players I feel some what happy for is Derek Jeter, Mariano Rivera and Jorge Posada. Both are homegrown products who never left the Yankees (unlike Andy Pettitte) and remained loyal to Mr. Steinbrenner despite the fact that they brought in douchebags like Mark Teixeira and A-Hole. All is right in the baseball world today. The Yankees bought themselves another World Series. And here I was laughing when they spent over $430 million during the offseason while moving into a $1.3 billion stadium and thought to myself "God I hope they fail miserably again like 2008!" I guess the joke is on me. Mark this down as another win for Wal-Mart.

Wednesday, November 04, 2009

JUST ANOTHER REASON TO ROOT FOR THE PHILLIES: CHASE UTLEY'S WIFE


Her name is Jennifer Cooper Utley and she met Chase at UCLA where they were both attending. Let's just say Chase aka The Greaser hit a home run with this Megan Fox look alike...





SEXUAL HARRASSMENT VIDEO



"Smells like vagina in here! Smells like fresh vagina in here." Sounds like something Pete Carroll would say to his team before charging the field. In all seriousness I think I watched one of these videos in high school before starting my job as Photo Technician at Eckerd's Drug Store. It basically said sexual harrassment is if an ugly person hits on someone out of their league. No worries for me mate. Working in the photo lab was one of the greatest jobs. I could see everybody's pictures and blow them up to 8x10 if I felt like blackmailing people. We would get naughty pictures of couples, spring break pictures of girls making out, and of course the always entertaining drunk prank pictures. Those were the days back in my beat up Nissan 200SX, making $7 a hour, and not worrying about bills, mortgages, lawyers, STD's. The world was much simpler back then. The Yankees still sucked at baseball and Notre Dame was just starting to suck at football thanks to the transition to Satan, I mean Bob Davie.

But forget about all that. This should cheer us all up right guys?...

REEBOK COMMERCIAL LOVES THE BUTT



This is actually a brilliant commercial for Reebok on so many levels. The first level is appealing to men of course. We like to look at asses, it's in our DNA. The second level is it appeals to women because no matter what they say all women are jealous of other women with nice rears. It's on par with guys being jealous of Peter North or John Holmes. The third level is as a marketing tool for Reebok. In our ultra conservative minds this type of commercial can be seen as extremely sexual or controversial. Anything that is sexy or controversial usually sells.

With that being said they should have picked Kim Kardashian as the model. Seriously. Everybody in the free world would know what a Reebok Easytone is by now if her rump was selling them.

Via WithLeather via HotClicks

GREATEST NEWSPAPER COVER EVER?



Daddy likey? The New York Post wins the prize for most original cover for this Pedro Martinez as a baby photoshop. I didn't have rooting interest in this game tonight but after seeing this I really hope the Phillies and Pedro stick it to the Yankees tonight. It's too bad the game is on tonight since I'm going to have to miss at least an inning with Modern Family on ABC. No worries since World Series games on FOX take about 5 hours to complete.

Tuesday, November 03, 2009

NY FANS VS PHILLY FANS FROM THE DAILY SHOW

The Daily Show With Jon StewartMon - Thurs 11p / 10c
Clash of the Cretins
www.thedailyshow.com
Daily Show
Full Episodes
Political HumorHealth Care Crisis

I don't think I could have said it any better myself. The world will be a better place once the Fall Classic is over and we can all forget about it.

Video HT: BarstoolSports

SPORTSCRACK TOP 10


1. FLORIDA GATORS-These eye gouging assholes stay at #1 till somebody comes up and beats their ass. It hasn't happened since September 2008 to Ole Miss and I can't see it happening anytime soon unless Bama plays one hell of a game in Atlanta.

2. TEXAS LONGHORNS-Texas proved me wrong last week by destroying Okie State in Stillwater. They are the real deal and it looks like they will be playing in the BCS Championship if Colt McCoy stays healthy.

3. ALABAMA CRIMSON TIDE-They got lucky against Tennessee but had last week off to get their shit together and prepare for LSU this week. It wouldn't shock me if LSU pulled the upset.

4. TCU HORNED FROGS-I am going to suck on their proverbial tit till they lose one. I think of all the teams who are undefeated they could hang best with the top 3. Their defense is outstanding and if they go undefeated I would have no problem seeing them in the BCS Championship game.

5. CINCINNATI BEARCATS-They keep winning. Even without QB Tony Pike their backup, Zach Collaros, has done an excellent job with 7 TD passes and 2 rushing TDs. The path to 12-0 isn't far off especially considering they play in the worst BCS conference but I have this feeling they are going to slip up somewhere whether it be West Virginia or Pitt.

6. IOWA HAWKEYES-The Hawkeyes know how to win some ugly games. They are sitting at 9-0 for the first time ever and have games remaining with Northwestern, Ohio State, and Minnesota. All are very winnable but I have a feeling they will lose in Columbus.

7. BOISE STATE BRONCOS-Remember people that they beat Oregon. They won, not Oregon. How anybody has Oregon ranked ahead of the Broncos needs to have their heads checked. I know Boise State's schedule is about as tough as Georgia's defense but they should not be dropped below the Ducks unless they lose.

8. OREGON DUCKS-I thoroughly enjoyed seeing the Mighty Ducks beat the living piss out of the Trojans and Pete Carroll Saturday night. The Ducks now sit in the driver's seat for the PAC-10 title and Rose Bowl berth. But watch out for a trip to Stanford this week. Could be a huge letdown game.

9. GEORGIA TECH YELLOW JACKETS-Nesbitt and Dwyer are running fools and they will not let the Yellow Jackets lose another ACC game against Wake Forest and Duke. You can pencil them in for the ACC Championship. The question is can they win out and make a BCS Bowl for the first time? My eight ball says "outlook good."

10. PENN STATE NITTANY LIONS-If the JoePa's beat Ohio State this weekend then they have a great chance of winning out and at the very least making a BCS Bowl game at-large. Whoever wins this week will get the invite to the Fiesta Bowl in my opinion.

ON THE OUTSIDE: LSU Tigers, Pittsburgh Panthers, Notre Dame Fighting Irish, USC Trojans, Ohio State Buckeyes, Miami Hurricanes

KIM KARDASHIAN WINS THE BEST HALLOWEEN OUTFIT



I don't care what anybody else says and yes I know she is currently with Reggie Bush but if I was single I would lick every single layer of Kim Kardashian. And yes, I mean "layers!" If you say you wouldn't you are either mentally challenged or fucking gay in every sense of the word. Her Princess Jasmine outfit screams "Fuck me now mister!"

I hate Reggie Bush because A)he received over $200,000 in college without a slap on the wrist, B)The Bush Push, and C)he bangs Kim whenever and wherever he wants.

Monday, November 02, 2009

KELLY BROOK LOOKS DELICIOUS



Ladies, take note, this is what your Halloween costume should look like next year. Oh, and 32E boobs would help tremendously as Kelly Brook displays. I'm here to inspire.

Image HT: DailyMail


Now excuse me while I dream about sleeping on those funbags on the beach...

QUACK BITCHES



LSUfreek's stuff never gets old.

BRANDON SPIKES LIKES IT DIRTY

Check out Florida linebacker Brandon Spikes get a little pokey with Georgia tailback Washaun Ealey. I'm not sure what he was trying to do other than change out his contacts...

Video HT: TheBigLead
Yes it was a dirty play but this kind of shit happens all the time. He's lucky he didn't try to speed bag his nuts. I've seen it happen in a pile.

Where does Georgia go from here? Right now they sit at 4-4 and for the first time in Mark Richt's coaching tenure in Athens there are serious questions about where the program is headed. Just last season they were the preseason #1 team in the country and looked poise to win their second National Championship ever with Matthew Stafford and Knowshon Moreno back. But they failed miserably getting blown out by Alabama and Florida last year and then letting Georgia Tech run all over them.

This year it looks like their cycle appears to be on the downward side again and yet they don't even belong on the same field as the Florida's and Alabama's of the world anymore. Right now you look at Georgia and you have to say that those teams are clearly better than them and only getting better along with rivals Tennessee and Georgia Tech.

If I were a betting man for 2010 I would say both Florida and Tennessee will be ranked ahead of Richt's Dawgs in the SEC East and LSU and Alabama will obviously be better too. This leaves Georgia middle of the pack in the SEC. With the amount of top flight recruits Georgia and Richt bring in year after year this is unacceptable and it falls on the coaches to get these kids ready. Coordinators Willie Martinez and Mike Bobo should both be let go this offseason. If Richt wants to keep his job in Athens he needs to be the hammer and knock out these crooked nails. It amazes me that Martinez didn't get fired after last season. Georgia's defense has regressed every season since Martinez took over after Brian VanGorder left and yet he still collects a hefty paycheck every two weeks.

I'm interested to hear what Georgia fans and outside observers think of the Bulldogs. Am I being too overly critical of the Dawgs? Right now I think Georgia Tech would run rough shot all over their rival and if you would have told me this two years ago I would have said you are crazy. Is Georgia turning into the new Florida State? Tons of athletes who are undisciplined and get crushed by more prepared teams who are led by superior coaches?