AL-Manny Ramirez will have a monster contract season.
Sleeper pick-Curtis Granderson
NL-Mark Teixeira will have a monster contract season.
Sleeper pick-Hanley Ramirez
AL-Erik Bedard will be filthy all season.
Sleeper pick-James Shields
NL-Johan Santana should dominate the NL.
Sleeper pick-Tim Hudson
Rookie of the Year
AL-Adam Jones plays a great centerfield in Baltimore.
Sleeper pick-Jacoby Ellsbury
NL-Colby Rasmus gets called up quickly and provides a needed spark in St. Louis.
Sleeper pick-Cameron Maybin
Manager of the Year
Boston Red Sox over Arizona Diamondbacks
Monday, March 31, 2008
I hate to sound like a dick, actually no I don't really care, but I think this division should just be handed to the Detroit Tigers now. This Tigers team is going to be the greatest ever and I will enjoy every moment of it while I drink Pop all day and massage my Michigan Wolverines #1 fan finger as I prepare to shove it my a-hole. Haha, just kidding, this division is going to be tougher than a one tooth Ann Arbor hooker. So let's get cracking at this preview.
1. Detroit Tigers-From top to bottom the best lineup in baseball. When you add studs like Miguel Cabrera and Edgar Renteria to your left side of the infield you know you have a good chance of producing a lot of runs. The Tigers are going for it all this year after giving up a lot of young talent to get Cabrera and Renteria and I think it was a good move. Mags, Sheffield, Granderson, Polanco, Pudge, and Guillen are all All-Stars who should sell out every game in the Motor City. Seriously, there are no more excuses Detroit for not at least coming close to selling out every single game with your sick team. It will come down to pitching and that is where it gets a little scary for the Tigers. Justin Verlander is a sick but besides him all the other starters have question marks going into this season. Kenny Rogers is older than his chicken and facial reconstruction and Jeremy Bonderman has never quite lived up to his hype. Dontrelle Willis is going to be garbage in the American League but will still get 15 victories with that lineup. Nate Robertson wears Kurt Rambis glasses when he pitches. The bullpen isn't so hot either. But with their starting lineup they should win the division easily.
2. Cleveland Indians-It's now been 59 years since the Indians brought home a championship and I think we can add another year of not winning it all for the Tribe. The lineup isn't nearly as potent as the Tigers. If Grady Sizemore has a MVP type of season then the Tribe could contend for the division but I think they are looking at more of a Wild Card spot especially if the Tigers get off to a hot start. The pitching is solid with C.C. Sabathia and FAusto Carmona both entering their primes and Jake Westbrook should bounce back from a difficult season last year. The Indians have a very solid team and were really close to winning the AL Pennant last year but things change from season to season and I just don't see them winning the division. But stranger things have happened in Cleveland...
3. Chicago White Sox-This team has the potential to be really good this season with the off season acquisitions of Orlando Cabrera(huge upgrade over Uribe), Nick Swisher(should be a fan favorite in the South Side), and Carlos Quentin(tons of potential) to a lineup that struggled last season with a .246 team batting average. Last year's team was a mess and it really should not have been. It's up to manager Ozzie Guillen to straighten things out or he could get a pink slip fast especially if they struggle out of the gate against Cleveland and Detroit in the first week. The lineup is a little old with Thome, Konerko, and Dye but they should be able to score some runs. The pitching staff is okay with Buehrle and and Vazquez both capable of having All-Star seasons but the bottom half of the staff is nothing to talk about. This team could go either way honestly. They could be really good or really bad. It all depends on how they start off in April especially in this tough division.
4. Kansas City Royals-Don't laugh but the Royals have gotten better. Alex Gordon is a future star and really bounced back last season after struggling the first half of his rookie year. Billy Butler is only 21 but proved last year he could hit in the majors and should team up with Gordon to be a formidable one-two punch in the middle of the lineup for years to come. RF Mark Teahan can rake too and new addition Jose Guillen should provide some roid rages in between playing some good ball. And of course Gruds is always solid at 2B. The pitching looks to be a lot better with Gil Meche, Brian Bannister, and Zack Greinke all capable of winning 13-17 games this season. Things are looking up for the Royals and despite their relative youth they have a good chance of staying in ball games this season while building a foundation with future pitching studs in the minors waiting to come up.
5. Minnesota Twins-Johan Santana and Torii Hunter were such rocks on their team it is due to crumble without them. Their hitting lineup looks solid with Morneau and Mauer among the best at their positions and the addition of Delmon Young who could blossom into a Gary Sheffield type of player. This team just has way too many question marks in an already difficult division to even think about contending this season.
Posted by Matt Fairchild (firstname.lastname@example.org) at 8:33 AM
Last night's debut of the Washington Nationals new ballpark pretty much went to script as the Atlanta Braves gift wrapped, put on the Santa suit, did some sloppy baserunning, and handed over the hometown team a win. Of course we were all treated to some horrible baseball announcing by Joe Morgan but it was funny to see him squirm when President George Bush was sitting next to him. You could just see in Morgan's eyes the hate building up. It was actually better than the game itself. Not a Bush supporter myself but I thought it was kind of "Bush"league to boo the President as he went out to throw the ceremonial first pitch. Say what you will about his foreign politics and how much of an idiot he is which I will agree upon I don't think I would have the cajones to boo my own President. Actually I wouldn't. I love freedom of speech and all that comes with it but the guy is not trying to fuck over our country people. You wouldn't boo a retard if he came out would you? Okay, well maybe some of you would but I think we owe our retarded President some respect.
It sucked to see the Braves lose another game late. If you don't follow Braves baseball it has been sort of their downfall the past couple of seasons. The bullpen has been bad to say the least and cost Tim Hudson a chance to reach 20 victories last season. Hopefully the Braves get their bullpen together and last night isn't a microcosm for the rest of the season. And for all the fantasy baseball geeks out there including myself last night was a perfect reason why I always regret joining these leagues. I don't like the Nationals and I generally always root for the Atlanta Braves(lone exception when they are playing the O's)but when Ryan Zimmerman hit the game winning homerun I smiled because I have him on my stupid fantasy team. It sucks to root for someone just because you want to win your fantasy league.
It's almost as bad as booing your own President.
Video HT: AwfulAnnouncing
Posted by Matt Fairchild (email@example.com) at 8:12 AM
Friday, March 28, 2008
Okay, yes, my picks yesterday were pretty much atrocious in the don't look at 2 Girls 1 Cup video way. But I want to make it up to you guys and gals by picking some winners. And as much basketball as I have watched this year which is confined to my two trips to Vegas you can pretty much guarantee these picks are as bad as David Stern is with math and geography. Or maybe just as bad as my grammar.
Davidson over Wisconsin. The exciting Curry is a one man wrecking crew and can pretty much hit any shot on the floor including game winners when some assholes are taking his picture. See, because he is an athlete and clearly Tiger Woods isn't. But I digress. Davidson is for real and I have no idea how they got a 10 seed when they were top 25 the majority of the season. Plus I hate watching Wisconsin play basketball. It's like watching Dane Cook try to be funny. You just watch and wait, watch and wait, watch and wait, and then just get pissed off because you wasted your time while others somehow enjoyed it. We call these people special. Wisconsin basketball is special in a L bus kind of way. Take Davidson with the 5.5 points as the underdog.
Stanford over Texas. I'm on the Stanford and the Lopez twin bandwagon. Those kids can play for me any day or night and I just think they will overwhelm the Longhorns. To be honest I haven't watched one minute of Texas basketball this year because A)it's not football and B)I have a life, as tiny as it may be. Stanford is the dogs by 3 so take them with the points and parlay that shit with Davidson.
Kansas over Villanova. Villanova is playing really good basketball right now but for all intended purposes Kansas should destroy them on a neutral court. Give me Chalmers and Rush and even I could make Bill Self look like a good coach. They won't cover the 12.5 but I would take Kansas on the moneyline and parlay it with Davidson and Stanford.
Memphis over Michigan State. You know everybody is jumping on the Spartans bandwagon and jumping off Memphis. Why? They lost one fucking game all year to Tennessee. Of course I have rationalized Memphis as the winner in this game because I have them in my Final Four but seriously they are a much better team on paper than Michigan State. Derrick Rose is due for one of those "holy f-ing shit did you see that" games all true superstar b-ballers do during the tournament. They are 5 point favorites and I like them to cover it.
Have a great and sober Easter weekend. Oh wait, it was last weekend. Never mind. I give you permission for all out debauchery and chaos while spreading your seed to whomever will take it.
Posted by Matt Fairchild (firstname.lastname@example.org) at 2:00 PM
As we all know the American League East has been dominated by the two major market clubs in the New York Yankees and the Boston Red Sox for the past decade. Will things change this year? Umm...negative. But the race could come down to the wire which will be thrilling for ESPN and all the bandwagon Yankees and Red Sox fans.
1. Boston Red Sox-The team is more loaded than Heath Ledger on pills. Okay, maybe not that loaded but you get my point. Manny Ramirez aka lazy bitch with the best swing in baseball will have a monster season because A)Contract year and B)he is that fucking good. David Ortiz will be backing him up in the cleanup spot and there is no doubt the Sox will be scoring a ton of runs with guys like Dustin Pedroia, Jacoby Ellsbury(ROY candidate if he gets the at-bats), World Series MVP Mike Lowell, the always reliable Jason Varitek and some redneck vagina out in right field in the lineup. I forgot his name already. The pitching is stacked and I wouldn't worry to much about losing Curt Schilling. Josh Beckett will be strong again and Dice-K should be better than he was last season or otherwise he is stealing a lot of yen. Honestly this team is so loaded I bet on them to win the World Series even though I hate their guts. Oh yeah, and to top it all off they might have the best closer in the game in Jonathan Papelbon.
2. New York Yankees-This team needs some serious publicity. I feel so bad for them having to mire in obscurity these past 90 years so I felt it was my responsibility to inform you about this young, up and coming team from the Bronx. Some guy named A-Rod decided to come back because he wanted to take a pay cut in order to be faithful to his wife and trainer and because he loves the city of New York. They have been so wonderful to him and his family since he arrived a few seasons back. Seriously, A-Rod is the most stand-up guy in baseball. Just ask Derek Jeter or Jose Canseco. They have pool parties and pillow fights together all the time. It's so sweet to see teammates and former teammates get along so well. Everyone loves New York so much they will take twice the money just to play there and live outside of the city. Johnny Damon creams in his pants when thinking about how loving and compassionate the fan base is and how they support their players despite their slumps. The city has become so gentle and caring since the tragic 9/11 thing occurred. They win the Wild Card because like the A's and Marlins they love to play Money Ball.
3. Tampa Bay Rays-Holy cow there is finally a team worth talking about in Tampa/St. Pete. The Rays have one of the best young and talented pitching staffs in the major leagues with Scott Kazmir, Jamie Shields, and newly acquired Matt Garza all potential studs. Carl Crawford is still one of the most underrated players in the game and should be a fantasy baseball manager's wet dream. Evan Longoria did not make the club this spring but should eventually be up within the first two months and should contribute. BJ Upton had a breakout season last year and will be the everyday centerfielder now that Rocco Baldelli's career seems to be over. Don't expect as big of a season out of 1B Carlos Pena but he should still put up 30 plus homers in the Tropicana/Geritol Stadium. The bullpen could be their downfall with Troy Percival closing games and a lot of question marks setting him up. This team has been drafting young studs for years now it is their time to at least finish out of the basement in the AL East.
4. Toronto Blue Jays-Besides Vernon Wells, Alex Rios, and Roy Halladay I really don't like the pieces on this team. Matt Stairs is expected to play left field. Laughter ensues. Cardinal rejects David Eckstein and Scott Rolen man the left side of the infield. More laughter ensues. Lyle Overbay and an old Frank Thomas man your two power hitting positions at 1B and DH. Those Canadians sure are funny aren't they? This team could be really bad but at least they are not as bad as the Baltimore Orioles. Over/under on AJ Burnett starts this year: 20. If I was a betting man...wait, I am, I would take the under. The Blue Jays are fucking dead in this division.
5. Baltimore Orioles-This year's Cinderella is the BAWtimore OWioles. Okay maybe not but a little boy can dream right? The O's are finally rebuilding behind GM Andy MacPhail and are left with either shit old players or up and coming studs. The good for the O's is RF Nick Markakis. In what should be his first of many All-Star games Markakis will be the most consistent player in a rather pathetic lineup. If the O's keep 2B Brian Roberts as it appears they will now the lineup will only be shitty and not horrendously shitty as previously thought. CF Adam Jones will go through some growing pains but could put up Chris Young type numbers. The starting pitching is awful. Jeremy Guthrie is the most consistent and Daniel Cabrera is another meltdown from being banished to...fuck me...he is 2nd in the rotation! The bullpen looks like it will be better only because it was so bad last year it can't surely get any worse. Make no mistake this should be the worst team in Orioles history. But there is always the future O's fans and players like Billy Rowell and Matt Wieters will be making impacts in 2009. And for the love of God Peter Angelos please give hometown product Mark Teixeira whatever the hell he wants and sign him this offseason. What remains of the loyal fans who still wear orange and black deserve it. Fuck, now I need a kleenex.
Prediction-20 Victories, and if I was a betting man I might take the under.
Posted by Matt Fairchild (email@example.com) at 1:04 PM
The picture above is of Sara Larson who has been dating uber bachelor George Clooney for over a year now. I'm not sure what to make of her down on all fours, I will let you the reader decide for yourself.
Honestly I was kind of disappointed in the picture. I thought actresses/models in Hollywood only got down on all fours to do blow or get a movie role. I guess Larson beat them all, she landed a Clooney....
Picture HT: WWTDD
Posted by Matt Fairchild (firstname.lastname@example.org) at 10:37 AM
Thursday, March 27, 2008
It's going to be awfully tempting to burst the bubble on this current sober streak I've been on since getting back to Vegas on Monday morning but I told myself I wouldn't have one till the weekend. Fucking alcoholism!! Adding even more fire to the embers in my lost soul is the fact that the Sweet 16 kicks off tonight. We are talking about the one on MTV right. That 16 year old little hussie so deserved a 2008 convertible BMW and not that shitty 2006 BMW SUV. Daddy is such an asshole! Oh right, we are talking a little hoop action.
I have this feeling one of the #1 seeds is due to go down tonight. And no I don't believe it will be UCLA against Western freaking Kentucky. So I got my eye on you coach Williams and UNC.
Take the 1 point and bet a grand on West Virginia kicking the living shit out of Xavier tonight. Don't laugh, West Fukin Virginia looks like a Final Four team right now. Okay, you can laugh. Haha...I know that statement is funny as shit. But seriously, the Mountaineers will be burning couches till the midnight hour so take them with the points.
Take Washington State and the +9 against North Carolina. I know the Tarheels have been kicking ass but the Cougars can play some defense and will be banging the shit out of Tyler Don't Tase Me HansBrough. I wouldn't be entirely shocked if the Cougars pull the upset here so neither should you.
UCLA will blow out Western Kentucky. Kevin Love is the best passer for a big man I have ever seen play the game. He can't run worth a shit but he sure can pass and knows how to board. He basically is the complete opposite of Roy Hibbert. Yes, he has actual talent!
Louisville will cover the 3 points against Tennessee. SEC basketball is garbage and although the Vols are everything but shit their time has come. Louisville has simply more talent and is more athletic.
And take the under for beers consumed at 6 tonight. Friday is right around the corner and I'm still in recovery mode so no need hit the bottle tonight. My sponsor is suck a dick.
Posted by Matt Fairchild (email@example.com) at 2:00 PM
I guess when you have the whole college football world by the balls you can literally go out and hit some. Seriously, did Pete Carroll just point to the Coliseum and say "baseball field now" and the next day they created his Field of Dreams. I can just see Carroll putting Jim Harbaugh's face on those balls while swinging away. I hate USC as you know but with spring practice starting I'm already getting really antsy for that USC-Ohio State matchup. I'm a college football junkie.
Posted by Matt Fairchild (firstname.lastname@example.org) at 10:07 AM
Coming off a disastrous 2007 season it looks as if head coach Charlie Weis is adapting to the "maybe I'm not such a football genius" after all thought. It's pretty simple in terms of outlook for the 2008 season for the Irish in what will determine their success on the football field: the development of the offensive line.
If the offensive line gels and lives up to their collective hype coming out of high school the Irish will have a very successful season which could translate into 10 wins. But on the flip side if they don't gel or mature and miss assignments like last season the Irish will be lucky to keep QB Jimmy Clausen(who has added weight but still needs to add some more) healthy and their offense on the field. The Irish have a ton of talent at every position not including defensive line and it will be interesting to see how the team reacts to Weis delegating the play calling to offensive coordinator Haywood and how the defense reacts to incoming Jon Tenuta to help bring some aggressive blitzing and attacking schemes to Corwin Brown's defense.
Make no mistake, the Irish need to get nasty on the football field and it looks like they will be having full contact, no holding back, get in your face hitting and blocking starting on the third day of practice. To hear this makes these Irish eyes glimmer with hope. But hope doesn't translate into victories and if the Irish want to return to kick ass football they will need to execute and develop a "me against the world" attitude and practice their asses off this spring. Or maybe just give the ball to Robert Hughes, James Aldridge, and Armando Allen and let them do what they do which is run over, around, and through opposing defenses. Either way there are no excuses for this upcoming season(I'm looking at you offensive line).
Posted by Matt Fairchild (email@example.com) at 9:30 AM
Incoming Clemson freshman offensive lineman Kenneth Page is so money at football he gets paid to do it. The picture above is of Page on his Myspace page wearing a Clemson sweatshirt showing off his bills that would make the Barbie Bandits proud. One could conclude that Page is getting paid to play football for Tommy Bowden and Clemson but I think that train of thought is a disgrace to Tommy's papa Bobby who is a honorable man who has never paid any athlete to Florida State.
Right guys? (crickets in the background)
It should get interesting to see how Bowden, Clemson, and Page explain the reason for the picture of Page holding what looks to be at least $5000 in $20 bills. I've heard girl scouts get paid a lot these days. Seems as reasonable as Page holding that many bills without some NCAA infraction taking place.
College Football is a hell of a drug.
Via Withleather via Brahsome
Posted by Matt Fairchild (firstname.lastname@example.org) at 8:58 AM
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
I do find it pretty ironic ESPN decided to let Dana "Fuck Notre Dame" Jacobson question the great Tiger Woods about using profanity in the heat of the battle. Wait a second, heat of what battle? This is fucking golf people. You know how hard it is to hit a little white ball straight while people are making noise around you. Thankfully football, baseball, basketball, hockey, and soccer players don't have to deal with such unruly and disgusting behavior such as someone trying to take their picture while they perform. I feel so bad for Tiger Woods having to deal with camera clicks on his downswing, how could one not go in a profanity laced tirade?
This non-story actually brings me back to a time when I attended the PGA Championship with my buddy Chuck back in 2001. Chuck and I are huge hackers and boozers out on the golf course and we have been known to use some profanity and even throw some golf clubs because the sport can be so frustrating at times because we suck so bad. Anyways, a year earlier we saw Tiger lose it on TV as he started shouting at the cameramen "WATCH THE CAMERA GUYS" in his best Dave Chappelle white guy voice. So of course after drinking a few cold ones we thought it would be hilarious if we started yelling at Tiger "HEY TIGER, WATCH THE CAMERAS!" Yes, it was juvenile as shit but funny none the less. You could see Tiger was just seething at us as he stared us down and it actually fucked up his whole game that weekend. He finished 29th. It was great.
The moral of the story: Not sure, but Tiger doesn't like to be fucked with while playing a game he dominates. And he sure as hell doesn't like to be asked stupid questions from a donkey with a microphone who herself likes to curse uncontrollably once she gets a little Vodka in her system.
Dear God, not in his swing people! Have you no mercy or dignity!
Posted by Matt Fairchild (email@example.com) at 1:20 PM
The most talented member of the original Fab Five at Michigan, I honestly had no idea Chris Webber was still playing basketball or even dated Tyra Banks. Webber's career is kind of undefinable. He was never a huge superstar partially because he played the majority of his career in Sacramento and also because he could never stay healthy. The most games he ever played in one season was actually his rookie season with 76. He will always be remembered for the ill timed timeout in the 1993 NCAA Championship game against North Carolina which prevented him and his talented yet eventually heavily sanctioned class from winning a title. For the most part of his career he averaged over 20 points and 10 rebounds a game yet his name doesn't come up when you think of top power forwards of all-time in the NBA. C-Webb, in my best non-gay description, I know it's difficult, was a good looking cat who probably scored tons of tail so none of us should feel sorry for him since he never played for a NBA Title or likely won't make the Hall of Fame. Playing basketball is about making money and scoring ass and we all know C-Webb scored a lot doing both.
So good-bye C-Webb, blow Tyra for me. Oh shit, I meant blow her a kiss or do a line off her ass, whatever shakes your boat.
Posted by Matt Fairchild (firstname.lastname@example.org) at 12:42 PM
Talk about one of the shittiest ways to go on the disabled list, Houston Astros newly acquired 2B Kaz Matsui could miss up to four weeks to recover from surgery to repair anal fissure the club announced today. Frankly I had never even heard of the phrase "anal fissure" and hopefully none of us will ever be diagnosed with it after reading about it on Wikipedia. According to Wikipedia here are some of what might be the causes to Matsui's sphincter pain...
Most anal fissures are caused by stretching of the anal mucosa beyond its capability. Many acute anal fissures will heal spontaneously. Some fissures become chronic and will not heal. The most common cause for this is spasm of the internal anal sphincter muscle. This spasm causes poor blood flow to the anal mucosa, hence producing an ulcer which does not heal since it is deprived of normal blood supply.
I guess it's a good thing Matsui isn't a close friend of Alex Rodriguez or a Turkish oil wrestler or he would be so fucked. Matsui isn't expected to be back till mid April
in case you were wondering.
Posted by Matt Fairchild (email@example.com) at 12:19 PM
Scott's Shots uncovered this interesting transaction blurb courtesy of ESPN.com on March 24, 2008. Apparently Lidle never passed away in that horrible plane crash in New York City nearly two years ago as we were to believe. Obviously the WWL fucked up on this one and meant no harm or embarrassment to the Lidle family. Obviously the only person who has come back from the dead is Amy Winehouse(hmmm...back in rehab...shocker there).
Posted by Matt Fairchild (firstname.lastname@example.org) at 9:41 AM
You know this has nothing to do with sports but I just wanted everybody to know how much of a skank, psycho bitch former Mrs. Paul McCartney known today as Heather Mills is even after being awarded over $47 fucking million last week for being married to the famous Beetle for just over 4 years. She wants more, a lot more money according to Telegraph...
Heather Mills has hired a new team of forensic accountants to try to prove that ex-husband Paul McCartney is worth double the £400 million he claimed in their divorce struggle, according to friends of the former model.
The Daily Mail reports that Miss Mills has told friends she cannot support daughter Beatrice on the £35,000 a year awarded at the High Court, and is hoping to force Sir Paul to increase the payments.
Speaking outside the court immediately after the settlement, Miss Mills told reporters: "He's been worth £800million for the last 15 years."
She has also claimed to have recordings of McCartney saying he is worth £800million.
The 2007 Sunday Times Rich List estimated McCartney's wealth at £825million, including £400million held by his media company MPL Communications, and £138m inherited from his first wife, Linda.
Miss Mills had hired accountancy firm Lee and Allen in an attempt to discredit Sir Paul's own valuation of his wealth.
So in other words Mills is not satisfied with an insane child support number of 35,000 pounds a year which equates to nearly $70,000 in American dollars to raise a child. You have to be fucking kidding me. What is she going to be feeding the kid everyday, filet mignon and lobster? Maybe endangered whale blubber? I get it that she was married for 4 years to one of the wealthiest men in the world but she honestly doesn't deserve shit. She preyed on Paul with her prosthetic leg, her fake blonde hair and her shitty British accent. She makes a lot of the good and honest women out there look bad by her actions. I wish the court system would look at cases like the McCartney-Mills divorce and see how unnecessarily greedy a person like Mills is and award her with a check for $2 and the child's sole parental custody to Sir Paul.
Why $2? So she can get some bus fare because a person of her self worth isn't worthy of even a taxi cab in my opinion.
Mills and A-Rod would be perfect for each other.
Posted by Matt Fairchild (email@example.com) at 8:49 AM
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
I'm already nominating this for Song of the Year. Screw any Coldplay or Rianna or whoever the fuck is popular right now. This song says it all. I might have to play it at my wedding in May just to see the mother-in-law's reaction. And I'm going to go ahead and nominate My New Haircut as funniest video of the year.
Posted by Matt Fairchild (firstname.lastname@example.org) at 2:34 PM
If you live here in Atlanta you should go down to STATS, a one of a kind sports bar near the Aquarium where you can pour your own beer.
Yes, I said that right.
You can pour pints of your favorite beer using their Table Tap system without having to wait in line at the bar. And if you are a physically unattractive dude like myself without the benefits of a vagina or huge breasts you know how difficult it can be to get a beer at any bar.
The Table Tap system was made in mind for us alcoholics who hate to wait in line for a cold one. They even have NewCastle Brown Ale on tap. God bless them.
Video HT: Deadspin
Posted by Matt Fairchild (email@example.com) at 1:45 PM
Interview conducted by Nick Ironside, an aspiring writer who also works for New Era Scouting.
1) Talk about your love for Notre Dame – how did it start and why is it still so strong?
Ever since I was a kid, playing CYO football in the fifth or sixth grade, I used to listen to Notre Dame on the radio. I had a great love for them, and also I used to watch them on Sunday morning when they had them on TV – the replays. And then when I was coaching at Moeller [high school], a lot of the kids I coached there went to Notre Dame; and they loved it. They were always treated right, and every one of those kids that went from Moeller to Notre Dame got their degree. And those were 26 student athletes, over a period of about 22 years. So that’s how I began to love Notre Dame, and they were my favorite team. My second two favorite teams were the Army and Navy teams – I used to listen to them and they used to play every year. One year I’d root for Army and the next year I’d root for Navy, but Notre Dame was my number one school.
2) You had the best high school football team in the country back in the ‘70’s at Moeller high school. Why was that team so successful?
Well four of our last five teams were national champs. We had such great tradition, we never had a real bad season, and we started out our first senior class in 1963, in a real tough league – a Catholic league and we were 9-1. That was our first varsity football team, and those kids sort of set the tone, and ever since that time we had nine undefeated seasons – and in two of the undefeated seasons we lost in the playoffs, and five other teams we went all the way. And two other teams went undefeated when there were not playoffs at that time – ’65-’69. Real playoffs didn’t start until ’72 or ’73. The reason we were so successful at Moeller was we starting tuning in that first year, and we didn’t make the young man play both ways. We asked them to play offense or defense, and for four years they would play on that side of the ball, and about 90% of them knew what the offense was, knew what the defense was, and they made very few mistakes.
3) How was the coaching change from high school to college different?
Recruiting is one thing that’s different, because you don’t recruit in high school, and at the college level you have to recruit hard and long – that’s one thing. The other thing is the speed difference and the size difference. It’s so dramatic of a change. The third thing is when I was coaching in the high school level we were spending our time preparing for the next game, where in college football you have to do it all day long, the practice and for games, because that’s all you do- football. At Moeller, when I was the athletic director things took a lot of time. At the college level the speed was so much faster, and since you had more time, the whole complexity of the game was more complicated. It’s a big jump from high school to college – even to play as well as to coach it. And I would think the same thing is from college to the pros.
4) How would you describe your tenure at Notre Dame on and off the field? How about at Moeller high school?
Well first at Moeller – it was unbelievable because we had such a great coaching staff, and we had great kids – everyone in the district wanted to come to Moeller high school. When I left Moeller we were undefeated on all three levels – our freshmen team was undefeated for two or three years, our sophomore team was undefeated – we had 220 kids playing football on all three levels. I would’ve never left Moeller except for Notre Dame – I loved Moeller, but going to Notre Dame was the dream of a lifetime, and my five years at Notre Dame we didn’t win as many games as I’d like to have seen us win, but I loved every minute of it. It’s a great place – the people that worked there, the professors, the groundskeepers – they go there because they love the University and it’s a great University, and with the Holy Cross priests and brothers – it didn’t come any better. So my five years at Notre Dame, even though we won more then we lost, we didn’t get the job done the way I felt we should’ve got it done, and so that’s why I stepped down. It was a great five years, and the pressure was tough. When you don’t win when you love a place, it makes it even a little tougher. But when people ask me would I do it again, the answer is without a doubt. Without even hesitating. Would I do things differently? Yes, I would. And I’d do a lot of things differently – The third thing is if the results had been the same would I have done it again? Yes. Because it was the five years where I got to live the dream. And I go back [to Notre Dame] all the time, and I go back to Moeller all the time, and ironically I’m down at Akron, so I go to Akron a lot too – to the University with the football and basketball coaches. But I go to five or six Notre Dame games a year, and I go to four or five Moeller games a year, and four or five Akron games a year. So the three places where I coached some, I’m still pretty close to all three places.
5) What advice would you give to coaches now who try and switch from high school to college?
I would tell them to research and take their time at hiring assistant coaches. Now don’t get me wrong, I had great coaches at Notre Dame, and they’ve done an excellent job. But one of the things I had at Moeller that I didn’t have at Notre Dame was cohesiveness. And I think when your staff come together, and being a rookie when I did it, I didn’t have that cohesiveness, and not everybody was on the same page. I think you have to be on the same page at any level of coaching. Same goals, same principles, same ideas, and loyalty.
6) What would you say are keys to recruiting football players?
Well first of all a lot of mistakes are made in recruiting because it’s hard to predict how the kid is going to progress in college, and being a part of your program – that’s the first thing. The second thing is you have to recruit where you have weaknesses, so you can create depth. Third thing is, you’ve got to recruit quality human beings. The kid could be a great football player, but maybe he’s a bum. It’s not worth the trouble and it causes you more trouble. And you’ve got to work hard at it. It’s not an easy job, and you have to be thorough. So I thought our recruiting was real good while I was there, and I think we had five really great years. We were able to close in on a lot of great kids and a lot of great athletes. And it paid off as the years went on, because coach Holtz molded them into the national championship football team a few years later.
7) What would you say to a recruit to get him to go to Notre Dame?
Well first of all, you have to know the family and you have to know the young man. Thirdly, you have to know what his goals are. Fourthly you have to let him know where he stands in terms of in the future of the program and where he fits in. And fifthly, you have to convince him that if he’s Catholic a Catholic education is important. If he’s academically very strong you have to convince him that he’s going to get the best education.
8) What is the moment you remember best at Notre Dame?
Everybody asks me that question, and most people think it’s running out of the tunnel for the first time – but that’s not it. The first day of spring football, I invited the community – the South Bend community to come and watch practice, and over 5,000 people came out there and we had to get the security, and the policemen to keep them back so we could practice. And it was a rainy, cold, windy day. I was working with the kickers and then the whole football team met at the gate, and started to run on the field, to do calisthenics warm ups, to loosen up. I wanted to be the first one over there, so I ran over across the field, and I could see the dome up there and I looked up to the heavens, and since it was my first day at Notre Dame in practice I thanked the good lord, and the blessed mother for giving me this great opportunity. And as soon as I did that, said “Dear lady, dear lord; thank you for this great opportunity,” the sun broke through the clouds and shined on the golden dome; the blessed mother.
Other Nick Ironside articles:
-Put on a higher platform(a look at USC recruit Matt Barkley)
-Russell Shepard Interview: Part II
Posted by Matt Fairchild (firstname.lastname@example.org) at 1:14 PM
It has been a long and painful 25 years since the Baltimore Orioles last celebrated with the bubbly after defeating the Philadelphia Phillies to capture their third World Series title. Who knew at the time that Eddie Murray and Cal Ripken Jr. would both go on to have elite Hall of Fame careers while the Orioles as a franchise would begin a slide in which they would make only two more playoff appearances during the last quarter century. It's pathetic but at least in this picture we can see a time where mutton chops were in style and Ripken actually had some hair while both destroyed plenty of bottles of booze and ladies in the aftermath of a World Series title.
Baseball was so innocent at the time. Sure there was cocaine but they didn't have a bunch of roided up douchebags who lie in front of the public and they sure as hell did not start the season in stinkin Japan. And Peter Angelos was just some a-hole lawyer who never found an ambulance he didn't love to chase. And I was 4 years old slinging rocks on the playground. It has been way too long since baseball really mattered in Baltimore. The Orioles will more than likely be the worst team in all of baseball this season. And yet I will still order the MLB Extra Innings Package so I can watch them down here in Atlanta as much as I please.
Being this loyal to a team really sucks balls sometimes.
Posted by Matt Fairchild (email@example.com) at 12:41 PM
I understand Bud Selig and MLB going after the globalization of baseball to help with the marketing of the game but it still seems a little fucked up to me that the first official game of our past time was played in Japan at 6 am this morning. The Red Sox of course came back and beat the A's 6-5 behind a blown save from A's closer Huston Street who gave up a homer to Brandon Moss(minor leaguer) in the ninth inning while also losing the game in the tenth inning while giving up a two run double to Manny Ramirez(4 RBI's with 3 extra base hits, Manny is going to have a huge contract year).
While this is a new season some things haven't changed since last season. Dice-K still looks like an overpaid imported bust. He pitched 5 innings in his homeland and walked 5 guys while laboring to throw consistent strikes with both his fastball and splitter. With the amount of money the Red Sox dished out to get the Japanese phenom he sure hasn't lived up to his hype.
JD Drew sat out the opening game in typical JD Drew fashion with a case of swollen vagina. Doctors confirmed it as lower back tightness which we all know is code for huge gaping vagina for Drew. I'm still shocked that redneck plays up in Boston.
In other baseball related news Jose Canseco hates Alex Rodriguez' guts according to JoeLavin.com and is throwing him under the bus in his latest steroid book, Vindicated: Big Names, Big Liars, and the Battle to Save Baseball....
Why all the hatred, you ask. Well, Canseco claims that A-Rod was trying to sleep with Canseco's wife. Apparently, even after Canseco had been nice enough to help A-Rod find a friendly steroids supplier, A-Rod kept calling Canseco's wife.
And, in case there's any further confusion about Canseco's true feelings, he ends the chapter by saying:
So A-Rod, if you're reading this book, and if I'm not getting through to you, let's get clear on one thing: I hate your fucking guts.
And since we all know Canseco has been one of the few guys who has been honest in order to make a buck off the steroid scandal I believe what he is saying. His "battle to save baseball" according to the title of his new book is bullshit. It's his battle to buy more douchebag Miami wearing fish net shirts for Canseco to show off his grotesques man tits. But yeah, Canseco hates A-Rod because he wanted to sleep with his wife...this season is going to be so entertaining.
Posted by Matt Fairchild (firstname.lastname@example.org) at 7:21 AM
Monday, March 24, 2008
Wait till around the 1:30 mark when NHL Hall of Famer Patrick Roy's son, Jonathan, goes ape shit and decides to beat the hell out of the opposing goaltender. Quite a winner move there on Roy's part especially when the other goal tender had nothing to do with the fight and had no reason to fight back.
Can you say assault charges? You got to love the French Canadian announcers because they can make an all out hockey brawl sound like figure skating. Apparently Jonathan feels bad about giving the old #1 salute to the crowd also...
"I acted in an unacceptable way for an athlete. I gave the finger to the crowd and I used unacceptable words before TV cameras," Jonathan Roy said Monday at a news conference in Quebec City.
"I acted on the rush of the moment and frustration ... (but) I didn't have the right to act this way and I want to use this time to (apologize) to the Chicoutimi crowd and all those who heard those words on TV."
What people saw and heard, "that's not me. You will never see that side of (me) again," Roy said.
I think it is clear that Jonathan is a huge Michael Vick fan. French Canadians are weird.
Video HT: WithLeather
Posted by Matt Fairchild (email@example.com) at 12:55 PM
I don't think you can ask for a more weird and crazy weekend in Vegas than a bachelor party during the opening weekend of March Madness. My whole body aches while I try to rid my body of gallons of booze and tears from getting my ass completely destroyed while shaking worse than Muhammad Ali holding the Olympic Torch. Vegas is a city, an environment, an experience which should only be allowed to happen once a year at the most but never mind I ignored this simple logic by spending 17 of the last 28 days there. Sincere thanks to all my buddies who showed up and reveled in the fact that I'm "the asshole" who is getting married. You guys know I have always been the asshole, it never took marriage to change that fact. So I'm sure some of your brackets are as fucked up as my liver right now. The Sportscrack Pool is alive and well and if you had Georgetown as your pick well then you look like the fucking asshole right now. I told you guys Roy Hibbert blows. Hibbert is softer than Charmin but like it is only good for whipping off shit and being thrown down the toilet, or in his case the Atlanta Hawks.
Less than a week till baseball starts. Thank God. As much as I love watching the NCAA tournament I am equally frustrated by CBS going back and forth between games while Greg Gumbel screws with my emotions. Just stick with one game on one channel please. You would think after years of doing it CBS would finally mature and get rid of the premature ejaculation that is their coverage. I guess not.
Posted by Matt Fairchild (firstname.lastname@example.org) at 10:34 AM
Thursday, March 20, 2008
Can they not stick with one fucking game on one fucking channel? Why do they keep switching games in between the five channels they have instead of just keeping one game throughout on the channel you pick? I'm seriously about to fly to New York and kick whoever is in charge of CBS Sports right in their junk for this constant flipping of games. I want to watch a game all the way through from beginning to end. I do not want Greg effing Gumbel telling us we are going out West to see who gives a shit in the final ten minutes when I am in the process of enjoying one game on the other coast.
FUCK YOU CBS, YOU GUYS ARE KILLING THIS FOR ME AND MILLIONS OF OTHERS YOU CORPORATE DOUCHEBAGS.
Posted by Matt Fairchild (email@example.com) at 7:10 PM
Thank the lord on both accounts for the good of my sanity and my pool. I have Xavier in the Sweet 16 losing to Duke and for a moment there it looked like Georgia was again going to play the role of spoilers with a double digit lead in the second half. But Xavier came back and covered the 8.5 point spread thus I'm 3-0 so far in my picks with no upsets yet.
Time to go, bathroom break #482 calls.
Posted by Matt Fairchild (firstname.lastname@example.org) at 12:34 PM
They have 3 different channels in HD but yet none of the NCAA Tournament games so far are being broadcasted in actual HD. What the fuck CBS? It's the year 2008, I didn't spend good, hard earned (ha..not really) whore money for a big screen not to see it in the clearest high def as possible. Well so far Georgia is whooping Xavier's ass even though it's not even on TV here in Atlanta. Michigan State is up on Temple at the half and Kansas is destroying Portland State as expected.
Crack!! Beer #3 is going down while Beer #2 is being dispensed into the royal throne. They should really make the first day of the NCAA Tournament a national holiday. No one should have to work on a day like this.
Posted by Matt Fairchild (email@example.com) at 10:16 AM
CRACK!!goes the beer as I open my first of many, many empty souls of Bud Lights. As some of you know I work out of my house and luckily today I don't have to do shit besides take a shit, eat some Quizno's sammies, masturbate(already got that out of the way), and watch endless hours of NCAA hoops action across the nation. If you fuckers didn't get in your brackets in time for the Sportscrack pool well then I'm sorry but really stop emailing me. It's too late you lazy assholes. And if you are in the pool well then prepare yourselves to get kicked in the ass by upsets that make as much sense as a dick mole.
And the updates will come and go as I please as I watch these games all day. Tomorrow I am off with 7 other guys to Las Vegas for a weekend of booze, strippers, midgets, and donkey shows so don't expect too many updates as I will be way too hazy and confused to even think about getting near a stinkin computer.
And anybody who has to work today or tomorrow in a cramped office I feel really, really bad for you. Life is what you make of it so go out and marry a rich broad and live the easy life while you drink and fart in the comforts of your own home that somebody else paid for.
Posted by Matt Fairchild (firstname.lastname@example.org) at 9:50 AM
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
On the right is a screen shot from ESPN.com's MLB page captured by The Big Lead. Take a long look at it and tell me what you see. I know I am probably preaching to the choir here but I wonder if the WWL will ever recognize there are actual baseball teams outside of the Yankees, Red Sox, and Mets who play the game and deserve some media recognition. ESPN's lovefest with all things Northeast related especially when it comes to baseball coverage has forced people like myself to buy the MLB Extra Innings Package just to have the chance to watch other teams and players play. It often sickens me how much coverage and all-out BS love a guy like Derek Jeter gets whom I do respect as a player but does not compare skill-wise to a player like a Ichiro or a Vladimir on the West and less appreciated Coast.
And you can say the Yankees and Red Sox deserve the extensive coverage they receive because they are the two most polarizing teams but when the Atlanta Braves were dominating the National League for more than a decade it was still difficult to find highlights if any of their games on the WWL's SportsCenter. It's just disappointing to see how ESPN blows up players and teams from their region when they honestly don't deserve it.
Don't believe me, well, just wait to see how much ESPN fellate and over hype Boston College's Matt Ryan in their NFL Draft coverage.
Posted by Matt Fairchild (email@example.com) at 12:35 PM
This may come as news to 99.9% of sports fans including myself, but the Tampa Bay Rays(they dropped the Devil because of protests from Manta Rays) actually have fans who are passionate. Of course they are just learning how to heckle opposing players as demonstrated towards Phillies Cole Hamels in a spring training game today...
"One guy called me a cross between Casey Fossum and Shawn Camp," Hamels said, referring to two middling ex-Tampa Bay pitchers. "I thought that was kind of funny."
But the razzing wasn't limited to Rays fans. A few Phillies faithful also chimed in.
"They want to see what you're worth," Hamels said with a grin.
By chiming in the writer was being polite and misleading. He really meant to say the Phillies fans spit and urinated on the Ray fans while referring to them as vaginal openings or rectums for that matter. That is how you heckle Philly-style. Stupid Rays fans could never demonstrate that type of bat-shit crazy passion when it comes to all out doucheness. Plus it becomes mute when 90% of Rays fans would rather catch the early bird special at Outback and play bingo then watch a baseball game.
Posted by Matt Fairchild (firstname.lastname@example.org) at 11:57 AM
Ohio State Buckeye fans can rejoice today while Michigan Wolverines fans can again wonder what in the hell they got themselves into with the Rich Rodriguez hiring as the look at me, no, don't look at me, okay, now look at me prima donna Terrelle Pryor committed to play for Jim Tressel and the Bucknuts.
The nation’s No. 1 football prospect, quarterback Terrelle Pryor, picked the Buckeyes today at Jeannette High School.
Thus ends a major recruiting battle between arch rivals Michigan and Ohio State – the top two schools that the 6-foot-6, 225-pound, dual-threat quarterback was reportedly considering.
Pryor was reportedly leaning toward Ohio State on Feb. 6 – National Signing Day – when he held a news conference to announce he was delaying his decision because he needed more time to make a choice.
Pryor could be the next Vince Young or he could be the next Ryan Perrilloux. It really is up to him. He could be a future great because he has exceptional talent and has the ability to take over games. But on the other hand he could be just another immature prep player who never grasps his talents and throws it away on strippers, guns, and Columbus herpes. We do know one thing for certain and that is we will get a chance to see Pryor get destroyed by a SEC defense in the BCS Title game within the next couple of years. But on the other hand we will get to see him destroy Michigan every year while West Virginia fans laugh and burn couches at DickRod's demise. Either way we all win.
Posted by Matt Fairchild (email@example.com) at 9:35 AM
You know this is the kind of shit that happens when I decide to throw down good, hard earned hooker money on the Boston Red Sox to win the World Series this year. They have to start a fucking mutiny over going to Japan because their overpaid asses are getting paid $40,000 each in stipend pay for one week over seas while their coaches and trainers are not getting paid anything extra besides you know, their overpaid salary...
The Red Sox clubhouse was closed to reporters because of the dispute and the team had not taken the field for batting practice before its last scheduled spring training game in Florida against Toronto.
"We had an agreement," Curt Schilling, one of a handful of Red Sox players who talked with Major League Baseball on ground rules for the trip, told ESPN's Claire Smith.
"Some of the promises have already been taken away, now this," Schilling said. "As far as the players are concerned, [withholding the coaches' bonuses] can't happen."
''When we voted to go to Japan, that was not a unanimous vote,'' Lowell told the Globe, "but we did what our team wanted us to do for Major League Baseball. They promised us the moon and the stars, and then when we committed, they started pulling back. It's not just the coaches, it's the staff, the trainers, a lot of people are affected by this.
Why don't the players, you know the Red Sox players who's median salary last season was $3.5 million on a total payroll of $143 million, dish out some coin from their own deep pockets to help the coaches and the rest of the staff. These fucking multimillionaires are so stupid some times it just baffles me that I help pay for their salaries every year by denying myself good hooker spit and instead choose to chow down a $10 foot long dog while lubing it down with $7 Bud Lights to watch them gingerly jog down to first base on an infield grounder.
I'm sorry but you are not going to make me feel bad for coaches who sit on their asses and say "Back" or "Fuck off Manny that's my weed!" while picking their noses and wondering what massage parlor they are going to hit up after their snooze fest in Japan. Fuck, I will do it for free as long as you pay my plane ticket. Everyone knows the hooker spit over in Japan is top notch and Manny's weed is better than the Northern Light shit you got out West while on Spring Break in college. Let me be that nose picking, orgy loving massage paying overpaid fat coach squeezed in a baseball uniform while scratching my baseball nuts guy.
Posted by Matt Fairchild (firstname.lastname@example.org) at 8:59 AM
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
Tampa's Tiffany Nicole May decided to break up a boring soccer, futbol, whatever the hell the rest of the world calls it by streaking and showing off her American assets and pride. Sure Tiffany could have gone nude streaking which would have made this video way more entertaining but my hope is that this video inspires other young ladies to sort of "up the ante" in all of sports. Ladies should be inspired by Tiffany's revolutionary act of "streaking" by exposing more of themselves and running out on those athletic fields all across America so I can get through another boring Atlanta Braves or Baltimore Orioles game this season. Instead of the 7th inning stretch we have the 5th inning streak sponsored by Howard Stern Radio. Strictly regulated to attractive looking females I nominate any of the Reef Girls as honorary streakers. Could you imagine a game being interrupted by something like this...
Now that is a world I would love to live in. So come on ladies, get out there and keep the Tiffany revolution alive and well by streaking this upcoming spring and summer at a ball field* near you.
*Presented by Sportscrack LLC
Posted by Matt Fairchild (email@example.com) at 11:12 AM
God bless The Onion for doing this video and one of our best and most lethal political readers Dan the Almighty for sending it to me...
And off the hot presses as we speak, or as MacG points out, Barack is Irish?...
Do you really want a Leprechaun answering the call?
I didn't think so.
Posted by Matt Fairchild (firstname.lastname@example.org) at 8:45 AM
Monday, March 17, 2008
TheDagger has their NCAA Tournament All-Porno name team up and I must say they are extremely lucky Lucious Pusey decided to take a pounding on the football field and not get penetrated playing basketball.
G - Desire Gabou, Western Kentucky
G - LeKendric Longmire, Oregon
F - Luis Colon, Kansas State
F - Travis Lay, American
F - Lance Stemler, Indiana
G - Dau Jok, Oklahoma
F - Taj Finger, Stanford
F - Gyno Pomare, San Diego
F - Surry Wood, UNC
C - Longar Longar, Oklahoma
And now for your starters:
G - Lee Cummard, BYU
G - Da'Veed Dildy, Stanford
G - Cam Long, George Mason
F - Wayne Chism, Tennessee
F - Alexis Wangmene, Texas
Personally I think my favorite name is Lee Cummard(pictured above accepting his award for best Cummard face) for BYU. It's always fun to make fun of a Mormon on St. Patty's Day. Those poor goofy white bastards are suppose to refrain from all alcohol. Interesting how I do not even have one Mormon friend. My motto is a friend should never come between you and your booze especially on this Christmas Day for alcoholics.
Posted by Matt Fairchild (email@example.com) at 10:13 AM
The Seattle Supersonics should probably just pack their bags and move to Oklahoma City already after get destroyed by the Denver Nuggets yesterday 168-116.
Kenyon Martin couldn't believe the box score, so he doesn't expect anybody else to, either.
"A lot of people are going to think it's a misprint," Martin said. "A lot of people will think there's no way they scored that many points. It's unbelievable. There are no words for it."
Can't Stop, Won't Stop
It got ugly fast for the Sonics, who gave up 168 points to the Nuggets, the third-most in regulation in NBA history.
The Nuggets set NBA season highs for points in a half with 84 and points in a game with a 168-116 rout of the Seattle SuperSonics on Sunday night.
The Western Conference in the NBA is so ridiculously good that the Nuggets would not even make the playoffs if they started today despite have a .606 winning percentage. They might as well just take the Eastern Conference and put it down like Old Yeller because they really have no prayer of beating their Western counterparts in the Finals.
Oh yeah, in other related news the Houston Rockets have now won 22 straight despite my idiotic claim they were done and buried once Yao Ming went down with a stress fracture 3 weeks ago.
Holy shit, the NBA really is growing on me this season. Either my brain is getting smaller(most likely) or David Stern is making the game "Fan"tastic once again with guys like Chris Paul, Kobe Bryant, and Lebron James duking it out for MVP honors.
Posted by Matt Fairchild (firstname.lastname@example.org) at 9:55 AM
It's that time of the year again to join the 3rd annual Sportscrack.com NCAA Tournament Pool.
We are giving away $75 worth of Sportscrack.com and/or Drinklikechampiontoday.com merchandise to the winner so be sure to sign up as quickly as possible to make sure you are included in the pool. Of course it is free to join so don't be a vagina a puss out on this one.
The winner will have their name plastered on Sportscrack for the world to see to enjoy an endless array of wealth, good luck, and love that will be boundless for years to come.
So click here to join the Sportscrack NCAA Tournament Pool.
I've already heard new UCLA head football coach Rick Neuheisel has like 5 different aliases on our group page. So invite as many people as possible so that dirty douchebag doesn't win it.
Posted by Matt Fairchild (email@example.com) at 9:42 AM
I am absolutely loving Bob Knight's expression on his face when Vitale starts spitting out his shit about Knight going back to Indiana. Vitale's enthusiasm is great but sometimes he needs to sit back, take one of his crazy pills with some Scotch, and then rethink what he is about to say before actually screaming it in front of millions of viewers.
Shine on you crazy diamond!
Video HT: AwfulAnnouncing
Posted by Matt Fairchild (firstname.lastname@example.org) at 7:52 AM
Friday, March 14, 2008
Since the ACC tournament is up and going and despite the overall conference having a horrible season (seriously, Clemson is a fucking 3 seed but at least it's not Big Ten basketball) it is always fun to ridicule those fag floppers at Duke. Shane Battier was a master at the art of douche flopping and has passed on the tradition onto current Dukies such as Greg Paulus. Every time I see Paulus face on television I really just want to punch the guy. Something about him just really irritates me. He is basically the Dane Cook of college basketball. Anyways, you can catch the Duke flopping tonight against the Yellow Jackets of Georgia Tech. The spread is 11.5 in favor of the douchebag floppers but I'm calling the upset. Tech is playing good ball right now and will pull the shocker despite Duke going to the free throw stripe 20 more times because of the flopping.
Prediction: Georgia Tech 83 Duke 77
Via WithLeather via The Dagger via WeArethePostmen
Posted by Matt Fairchild (email@example.com) at 12:58 PM
The picture above is of a female Russian figure skater and the brilliant creator of millions of erections world wide who goes by the name of Anna Semenovich. Yes, her name is Semen-ovich. The Big Lead discovered these NSFW pictures of the lovely Anna who apparently isn't good enough for the Olympics but honestly who gives a shit? This girl would be a rating's boner magnet even if she was a horrible skater for NBC. We need this type of talent in the Olympics. If gay people can get their Brian Boitanos then us straight ugly dudes should be able to get our Anna Semenalloverher.
Posted by Matt Fairchild (firstname.lastname@example.org) at 10:57 AM
After watching a 7-footer completely blow ass yesterday against Villanova I wondered what would have become of Georgetown's Roy Hibbert life if he had decided to skip his senior season to play with hookers and hos in the NBA. See at this time last season Hibbert was being touted as the next great Georgetown center who was almost guaranteed to be a lottery pick(most pundits had him around the 6-11 pick) who would not only be enjoying millions in the bank but also enjoying a life of shitness on the court while laughing his ass off of it because of the money he stole.
Let's take a look at how the 7 foot 2 inch Hibbert did yesterday for the #1 seeded team in the Big East tournament in 14 excruciating minutes of play:
Free Throw Attempts: 0
Blocked Shots: 0
You want to talk about a shitty performance well I think we can all safely assume Hibbert enjoyed one of his worst games of the season. But diving into his statistics this season you have to wonder why people are so enthralled by a big man who should for all intended purposes dominate the college game against smaller competition yet shows night in and out how much he really blows. Hibbert has never averaged over 6.9 rebounds a game in his four year college career. This is a 7-footer we are talking about who is a good 3-7 inches taller than most of the players on the court. Yet the guy can't rebound worth a shit. His 2.3 blocks per game are decent but nowhere near stellar compared to former Georgetown centers Dikembe Mutombo or Alonzo Mourning.
And you would think with the big man struggling so bad and fouling out early in the game that the Hoyas would really struggle to beat a tough Villanova team who are playing their hearts out trying to get in the Big Dance. Negative! Georgetown coasted to an easy 19 point victory despite Hibbert's all-out pathetic performance.
So this basically leaves Hibbert with one last chance to prove to everybody including himself that he is not as bad as his game displays on the court. Tonight against West Virginia in the Madison Square Garden he can live up to his hype and prove himself worthy of being drafted by dominating the paint against the Mountaineers. We can forget about lottery pick but the NBA is full of tall guys who suck balls yet collect millions on payday.
"Hibbert can be that guy," sighs a 5 foot 9 and 1/2 inch sports blogger who got cut from his freshman basketball team because he wasn't "big enough" for the game only to lead an eventual life full of boozing, cursing, and "accidental" masturbation bruises. And no I'm not bitter about giants collecting millions and banging random broads looking to steal their DNA so they can pay their bills because I have the greatest invention right at my finger tips....YouPorn.
Posted by Matt Fairchild (email@example.com) at 9:02 AM
Thursday, March 13, 2008
I had no clue Will Arnett could be this funny. This video will go down in infamy and is pretty much a sign we are all going to hell. They need to make a sequel for sure starring former New York Governor Eliot Spritzer. Never mind, I'm sure there is already a video out there called "Spritzer's Delight."
Posted by Matt Fairchild (firstname.lastname@example.org) at 8:01 AM
Reporter Owned By Sled - Watch more free videos
Rob Leth of the Global Television Network in Toronto basically did a complete flip and completed his story all in one motion. I'm sorry but we just need to go out and give this guy a Television Emmy for best report of the year. Personally I would have been spitting up blood and booze from the night before and I sure as hell know that no ESPN reporter could pull off a botched segment like Leth did. Chris Berman would have had everybody fired and their families murdered for such a stunt to embarrass the "Great Swami."
Video HT: Deadspin
Posted by Matt Fairchild (email@example.com) at 6:53 AM
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
The Tampa Bay Rays and New York Yankees got in a Spring Training brawl today over the intentionally "going for the manbags" slide by Shelley Duncan as pictured above on Akinori Iwamura. Of course this could not have been a dirty play by Duncan because he said just yesterday he would never take out somebody during Spring Training according to the Sun-Sentinel...
"No, not today," Duncan said. "Play the game hard all the time, but we don't believe that kind of stuff is right in spring training."
Okay, so maybe Iwamura must some off hand joke regarding Duncan's first name and how only a Shelley could blow this bad and play for a team named the "Yank"ees.
Fuck, Baseball just needs to start already as I am already getting tired of Jay Bilas commenting about how great the NCAA tournament is for the Cinderella teams and the pageantry of the whole tourney.
Castration picture courtesy of The Sporting Blog
Posted by Matt Fairchild (firstname.lastname@example.org) at 1:44 PM
I think we can all say that the world would be a scary place without boobs. I prefer to use the word knockers most of the time or sometimes throw in funbags every once in a while. If you are offended by the boobs song then please leave because I loathe you already. I'm not very discriminating when it comes to knockers but I can say that I saw some of the nastiest big ones just recently in Vegas. At the Tennis Channel Open there was a spectator who just happened to be a porn star besides being an avid tennis fan. I'm not kidding here but I have never been so freaked out by a set of sweater puppets in my life. This Asian porn star who I believe goes by the name of Umi or Uni, something like that, had a couple of back breakers that both weighed over 15 pounds each. Scratch that, her name is Minka. You can find her by doing a google search. It was like two fat midgets hanging on for dear life. Her claim to fame is she has the third biggest rack in the world but is 1st among Asians. Good for her right. And apparently she wins 90% of her matches at the Darling Tennis Center in Vegas because some claim she has a Federer-like game while others think people don't feel like hitting the ball back to her because of her massive boobs. Seriously people, these things were gross beyond gross.
No bigger than D's ladies. Absolutely not a size bigger. It should be the law and the doctor who performed her surgery should be banned for life. Boobs have limits too.
Posted by Matt Fairchild (email@example.com) at 1:13 PM
Apparently there was a Summit League Championship game last night between IUPUI and Oral Roberts and although 99% of Americans could give a shit about both of those schools basketball teams they do match up well in the mascot department...
Damn, college is so tame compared to when I was in school. Back then we would go to strip bars and slam JD and Golden Grain and absolutely never go to some boring ass college basketball game. Community college sure was fun.
Video HT: WithLeather via other blogs
Posted by Matt Fairchild (firstname.lastname@example.org) at 12:19 PM
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
Well, I got in this morning at 5:30 am in Atlanta from a two week hiatus to Las Vegas with what I believe is either a hernia or ulcers. Seriously fuckers, I'm going to the good doctor tomorrow to check it out and make sure it doesn't screw with my alcoholism or chronic masturbation schedule. We wouldn't want that would we? I know this blog has been seriously lagging this past month but at least not much has been going on.
Sure we have the bat shit crazy signings in the NFL and some great NBA Action going on but other than that we are just waiting for March Madness and baseball to finally start. I know this may sound like a bunch of horseshit but when in Vegas I actually enjoy watching NBA games. Of course I have money riding on the games like any other degenerate but the Western Conference is more entertaining than a midget muttering the words "Life is Short" while doing shots of Jack Daniels. So I guess I am kind of promising you some more posts here for your entertainment. Hopefully the doc won't put me out of commission tomorrow and I can resume my daily piss and moan posts with occasional racial jokes while throwing in some sports knowledge. Just some though. What do you think this is a sports blog?
And don't even ask how much I came back down from Vegas. Anybody who goes or roots for Davidson can suck a fart out of my ass too by the way. If those fuckers would have covered the 17 point spread yesterday against a horrible Elon team I would have come back from Vegas with a vengeance. Now I am just hungover and tired...and ready to go back next week!
Viva Las Vegas and Viva La Sportscrack.
Posted by Matt Fairchild (email@example.com) at 8:44 AM
Friday, March 07, 2008
Red Stripe is a Jamaican delight in a weird shaped bottle. I consider it somewhat underrated in the simple fact that I don\'t look to get it but when I see it I usually buy it and drink it and never feel unsatisfied.
I would have to give it an 8 on the Fairchild beer scale. Best when consumed on a tropical beach or at home with all your buddies.
Posted by Matt Fairchild (firstname.lastname@example.org) at 2:51 PM
Wednesday, March 05, 2008
Fear and loathing here in Vegas playing Wheel of Fortune progressive slots, I just missed being able to call myself a millionaire by an inch. A fucking inch. I got the first two Wheel of Fortunes on the roll but then the third one fell below the faithful line.
The jackpot would have been over 6.6 million.
I guess God had different plans for me.
Posted by Matt Fairchild (email@example.com) at 11:24 PM
Maybe it\'s the high alcohol volume per hour or just the high stake sports gambling that is causing my ulcers but it won\'t get in the way of a few parlays tonight. After Maryland fucked me the other night I need to come back.
So for the good of my sanity and health I need both Duke and Villanova to win, the Redwings and Stars to pull out victories, the Warriors and Magic to cover their spreads, and SMU to lose by 21 or less against Memphis. You can do it fuckers!
Posted by Matt Fairchild (firstname.lastname@example.org) at 11:35 AM
Tuesday, March 04, 2008
With the retirement of Brett Favre today we say good bye to the last great 90's quarterback. Thinking back on his accomplishments I would have to say he is one of the top 5 QB's to play in the NFL.
Not quite in the Johnny Unitas, Joe Montana, or John Elway crowd but right behind in the Dan Marino and Tom Brady QB category. Have fun hunting Brett, you will be missed.
Posted by Matt Fairchild (email@example.com) at 3:30 PM
Monday, March 03, 2008
There is a reason why the Atlanta Falcons have never had back-to-back winning seasons in their 42 years of existence. Yesterday they decided to pass on the chance to draft the great D-Mac and instead opted for a career back up in RB Michael Turner. I like Turner, don't get me wrong, but McFadden is going to be an absolute stud in the NFL.
The Falcons and 49ers are in an all out battle for questionable personnel decisions. Don't be surprised if the Falcons win it by drafting Matt Ryan.
Posted by Matt Fairchild (firstname.lastname@example.org) at 8:55 AM
Saturday, March 01, 2008
Fat Tire is brewed in Fort Collins, Colorado by the New Belgium Brewing Company. Only available in the West, Fat Tire is one of the best microbrewed beers out there. On the Fairchild beer scale I would give it a solid 9. I could drink at least a couple of six packs of this delicious beer after a hard day of work.
Posted by Matt Fairchild (email@example.com) at 7:08 AM