R.I.P. EVEL KNIEVEL
Sadly an American Icon past away today at the age of 69. Evel was before my generation but I admired the guy because he was so fucking insane trying to pull off tricks. The above youtube video is his failed attempt to make a jump at Caesar's Palace in 1980. Knievel recently settled a lawsuit with rapper Kanye West two days ago over West using his likeness in one of his videos.
The original X game type of athlete, Knievel would have shit all over these young punk asses today. At least that is what my Grandmother tells me.
May all your jumps in Heaven actually succeed this time.
Friday, November 30, 2007
R.I.P. EVEL KNIEVEL
SERIOUSLY HUSKIES, WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU GUYS?
It's one thing to hire a stoic golfer as your head coach and further dig yourself into the proverbial shitter in the PAC-10, but now you have William Hung performing at halftime...
I wouldn't be surprised if Hung banged two of those cheerleaders. Cheerleaders dig celebrities and as painful as it is to admit that Hung is indeed one of them there is no doubt that if Screech can have gang bangs with hot chicks in Las Vegas that Hung could pull two little Huskies.
"She bangs, She bangs"-yes they do.
Posted by Matt Fairchild (firstname.lastname@example.org) at 11:41 AM
METS ARE IDIOTS!
According to published reports the New York Mets have just traded young stud outfielder Lastings Milledge to the Washington Nationals for Ryan Church and Brian Schneider.
I shit you not!
Milledge was the Met's #1 bargaining chip for GM Omar Mineya and yet all they got was an average catcher and a 4th outfielder in the deal. The Mets need pitching so unless the guys they just acquired are used for trade chips to get a starting pitcher like Dan Haren then this was a horrible move. This might wind up there as bad of a deal as when they traded Scott Kazmir to the Rays for Victor Zambrano.
Looks like GM Jim Bowden picked up a great player of the future in Milledge. If the 23 year old kid can keep his head straight he should have a great career playing in the new ballpark in Washington.
If you hear a roar in the distance it's Phillies and Braves fans laughing their asses off and cheering for this trade. The Mets just took another step in the wrong direction.
Posted by Matt Fairchild (email@example.com) at 11:16 AM
OH NO, HERE WE GO AGAIN
It was only a matter of time before Sean Taylor's death became the media's obsession with race issues. Surely not the first to open the can of worms, FoxSports Jason Whitlock writes his views in surprising candor...
"Within hours of his death, there was a story circulating that members of the black press were complaining that news outlets were disrespecting Taylor's victimhood by reporting on his troubled past
No disrespect to Taylor, but he controlled the way he would be remembered by the way he lived. His immature, undisciplined behavior with his employer, his run-ins with law enforcement, which included allegedly threatening a man with a loaded gun, and the fact a vehicle he owned was once sprayed with bullets are all pertinent details when you've been murdered.
Let's cut through the bull(manure) and deal with reality. Black men are targets of black men. Period. Go check the coroner's office and talk with a police detective. These bullets aren't checking W-2s.
Rather than whine about white folks' insensitivity or reserve a special place of sorrow for rich athletes, we'd be better served mustering the kind of outrage and courage it took in the 1950s and 1960s to stop the white KKK from hanging black men from trees."
Whitlock just flamed the fire with those statements. Whether or not you agree with him is not the point, but it irritates me that it takes a famous athlete dying to promote outrage over a senseless murder. From all accounts I have read and seen, Taylor was not this thug he is being made out to be. The gun incident in 2005 was him brandishing his legal gun to the individual or individuals who were trying to steal his personal property which happened to be one of his all terrain vehicles. It was no different than if somebody tried to steal your car or broke into your house. Under our laws we have the right to bear arms to protect ourselves and our property. So please stop labeling Taylor a thug because of the misinformed gun incident of 2005.
And from all accounts since Taylor's daughter was born his life had changed for the better if you ask people who actually knew him. Redskin teammate Clinton Portis had this to say to the Washington Post:
“It’s hard to expect a man to grow up overnight. But ever since he had this child it was like a new Sean. And everybody around here knew it. He was always smiling, always happy, always talking about his child.”
I was hoping that some how, some way, the media would not make Taylor's death
a race issue. It isn't a race issue but more a social economical issue. People were jealous of Taylor's wealth and took it out on him. Whether or not you are black, white, or whatever melatonin your skin is shouldn't matter especially when it comes to somebody being murdered.
Taylor was a victim of a brutal crime plain and simple. For this reason we should all hope that whom ever is responsible be caught and given swift justice. This is the America I love.
Posted by Matt Fairchild (firstname.lastname@example.org) at 10:19 AM
GEORGIA TECH INTERVIEWING UCONN'S EDSALL
Well it appears the Yellow Jackets have taken my warning to heart with Slick Rick and are now interviewing UCONN's head football coach Randy Edsall for the position at Tech.
Connecticut football coach Randy Edsall left his school's campus on Thursday to interview for the Georgia Tech job, The Hartford Courant, citing unnamed sources, reported on its Web site.
Edsall would be the most logical of choices for Tech considering he has proven himself at Connecticut and is a former defensive coordinator at Tech back in 1998.
The question remains though if they hire Edsall what happens with interim/defensive coordinator coach Jon Tenuta? Tech's defense has been ranked high in most defensive categories since Tenuta took over and it could become interesting to see if Edsall retains him or brings in a whole new coaching staff. If I were Tech I would be inquiring who was Edsall's choice to bring in for offensive coordinator. Current offensive coordinator John Bond failed in his first season on the Flats to develop QB Taylor Bennett and I would presume his position would be filled by somebody else.
Posted by Matt Fairchild (email@example.com) at 9:49 AM
Thursday, November 29, 2007
BRETT FAVRE INJURED, OUT OF GAME
CLICK HERE FOR THE LATEST ALONG WITH A LIVE, FREE FEED OF THE GAME TONIGHT. It's a right elbow injury and Aaron Rodgers is in the game.
Posted by Matt Fairchild (firstname.lastname@example.org) at 6:32 PM
TOMMY TUBERVILLE TO ARKANSAS
KNWA of Arkansas is reporting that current Auburn Head Coach Tommy Tuberville has agreed to take the Arkansas head coaching position replacing Houston Nutt.
Shit fire boys and gals, I must admit I am completely shocked by this move by Tuberville. It seems like a step down in my opinion. Must have been some major ass $$$ involved. I'm talking more money than they give Darren McFadden.
Posted by Matt Fairchild (email@example.com) at 6:09 PM
TAMPA RAYS BALLPARK PLANS
Apparently what ever architect drew up the plans for the new Tampa Bay Rays stadium has an affinity for acid and grew up a Montreal Expos fan. This monstrosity is inspired by sail boats (not kidding) and even includes a 320-foot-tall mast that would essentially cover the field when it rains. Think of it as thousands of feet of plastic wrap that will probably get blown away when the first hurricane comes through.
Or maybe they could use it to protect the players and fans from all the seagull shit that will surely rain down.
The initial "ballpark" estimate in cost is $700 million for the new Tropicana project. Not one single brick would be used for the stadium because officials down in Tampa want to shun the "retro" look of ballparks today and make something uniquely their own. Rrriiiggghhhttt!
You stay classy Tampa!
Posted by Matt Fairchild (firstname.lastname@example.org) at 5:15 PM
SAY IT AIN'T SO GEORGIA TECH
The latest rumor around Bobby Dodd Stadium is Rick Neuheisel might be getting the offer for head coach. The AJC has the full report here about Raven's coach Brian Billick pushing Neuheisel onto the Yellow Jacket's hands.
First off, "Slick Rick" is a shady ass coach. He's used ineligible players and committed multiple NCAA rule infractions including feathering his hair with his vagina.
He would be a horrible, I repeat HORRIBLE hire for Georgia Tech. Currently he is the offensive coordinator for the Baltimore Ravens. Yep, he is one of the guys in charge of developing quarterbacks and putting together an offensive game plan. Last time I checked the Ravens couldn't score worth a shit or develop a quarterback. Sounds familiar doesn't it Tech fans?
Memo to Georgia Tech AD Dan Radakovich: contact Randy Edsall at Connecticut or Brian Kelly at Cincinnati and offer them the job. Better yet get down on your knees and blow. Trust me it works all the time!
Posted by Matt Fairchild (email@example.com) at 3:11 PM
DAMN YOU LARUSSA
Well I was going to go to the local Taco Mac to watch the Cowboys-Packers game tonight and knock back a few cold ones since I can't watch it at home because the NFL is a greedy organization. But now after watching this video of Tony Larussa's DUI arrest I think I might stay in and get blitzed alone again! You are a dick Larussa.
The sad part of this arrest is it could have been handled differently if the Jupiter police department took into fact people from St. Louis don't know the alphabet. I must admit I was a little disappointed Larussa wasn't wearing his Peter Gammons-tinted midnight rapist glasses when arrested.
Now you wonder why the Cardinals were such a train wreck last season. Their stinking manager can't handle two glasses of wine, how is he suppose to handle a double switch and a future Mitchell report just waiting to reveal his superstar slugger as a drug enhancing user. And no, I'm not talking about Rick Ankiel.
HT: Withleather via FanHouse
SEC POON UPDATE: GEORGIA BULLDOGS
Head on over to Poon of the SEC for their latest findings in Atlanta for the Georgia/Georgia Tech game. Of course I was down in Atlanta tailgating(in other words drinking) and it was easy to spot the UGA Poon. The whole school is dripping with hotties left and right.
On the other hand you have Georgia Tech. Umm, how do I put this politely? I'll let this video do the talking...
I think my dick just broke off watching it.
And no Georgia Fans, that is not Trinton Sturdivant in the jeans. He ain't that fucking big.
Posted by Matt Fairchild (firstname.lastname@example.org) at 1:02 PM
MLB HOT STOVE ACTION
With the winter meetings heating up I figured I should add my two cents to some of the rumors and signings already made.
First off I hate the Tom Glavine signing by the Braves. The Braves had two reliable starters last season in John Smoltz and Tim Hudson but after that the rotation consisted of 5 day old Mexican food. Instead of going after a couple of great lefties still in their prime like Johan Santana and Erik Bedard, they instead wasted $8 million on a washed up semen rag of a pitcher.
Don't get me wrong, Glavine is a Hall of Fame pitcher and would be worth having 10 years ago. But now he blows. Plus he is an enormous douchebag who is all about the money. He left Atlanta for the Mets in 2002 because the Mets offered up a deal worth a few million dollars more than the Braves offered. Glavine is the epitome of what is wrong with today's player$. In short I hope he fucking blows his elbow out and his name appears on the Mitchell Report. He deserves it and don't get fooled by the lovey dovey bullshit about him taking a hometown discount of $8 million to come back to the Braves. With the Braves losing Andruw Jones and Edgar Renteria and only adding shithead Glavine I think they have taken a step back.
Moving along, how in the hell did Torii Hunter get $90 million? I know the guy is a gold glove centerfielder but didn't the Angels just overpay in order to sign Gary Matthew Jr. last season to play centerfield? I'm confused. Hunter is a good player and sometimes deserves to be an All-Star but he is no superstar. It scares me to think of what Andruw Jones will get in the open market because he is a much better player than Torii. Hunter will never be worth the amount of money the Angels paid him because he isn't a star player like Vlad. But fuck it, it's not my money and the Angels still can't decide if they are playing their games in Anaheim or Los Angeles.
Who will trade for Johan Santana? That is the potentially $200 million dollar question. If the Red Sox include stud centerfielder of the present/future in Jacoby Ellsbury along with Jon Lester, Justin Masterson, and Jed Lowrie then the deal will be made. If I was the Red Sox I wouldn't trade Ellsbury because I think he will be a great player for a long time plus Lester has the potential to be a really good middle of the rotation starter. But of course dominating lefty starters don't grow on trees and Santana would be filthy in a Sox uni. So if your Theo Epstein you have to make the decision of keeping future stars which could help build a dynasty in the next 5-10 years or you can get Santana and be THE dynasty right now. Also the fucking Yankees come into play and you know they would jump at the chance to get Santana after overpaying to resign Mariano Rivera and Jorge Posado. Reportedly the Yankees don't want to give up Joba Chamberlain in a deal and if this is true they are idiots. Chamberlain will flame out in 2-3 years.
The Baltimore Orioles are looking to rebuild...haha, I'm sorry, haven't they been rebuilding for a decade now? Excuse me while I wipe the blood spewing from my ears. Fucking Angelos. Any who, the O's are taking offers for stud lefty starter Bedard,
shortstop/going to switch to thirdbaseman Miguel Tejada, and thirdbaseman Melvin Mora. Supposedly the Angels and Dodgers are the two most heavily involved with talks for Bedard. Bedard still has two years left on his current contract and is just reaching the prime of his career. The O's should be able to get at least 2 high end prospects along with a relief pitcher for Bedard. He posted better numbers than Santana last year while playing on a horrible team. If the Dodgers are willing to trade Clayton Kershaw and Matt Kemp then I think the O's should make the trade. Kershaw is a future stud lefty and Kemp could step in and play centerfield immediately for the Orioles. Plus the Dodgers get a great lefty in Bedard who would be huge for them in overtaking the Diamondbacks and the Rockies in their division.
As for Miguel Tejada, the O's should ask for Brandon Wood from the Angels and nothing more. The Angels need a shortstop and Tejada would be a great bat for their lineup protecting Vlad. Wood would be the O's future 3B and help the rebuilding process by coming up in a lineup with present superstar in the making in Nick Markakis and a future one in draft pick Matt Wieters. I repeat the O's have to make these trades if they are serious about being a competitive team in the AL East. If you ask any O's fan if they would be happy with a future middle of the lineup consisting of Markakis, Kemp, Wood, and Wieters they would probably rip your pants down and fellate away. In regards to Melvin Mora they should trade him to the Phillies for a couple of pitching prospects.
The St. Louis Cardinals need a shortstop after declining their option on David Eckstein. Jack Wilson would be a good fit in St. Louis while packaging him with Matt Morris for one of the Cardinals young pitchers.
Kudos goes out to the Twins and Rays for making a blockbuster trade yesterday. The Twins get Delmon Young who should develop into a great hitter after finishing second in the ROY voting this season. The Rays get young righty starter Matt Garza which gives them an extremely talented young rotation with Scott Kazmir and Jamie Shields. I know the Rays suck ass but a lot of teams would kill just to have one of those three young guns in their rotation. With that being said I'm sure the Rays will find some way to screw it up.
Posted by Matt Fairchild (email@example.com) at 11:05 AM
WAIT A SECOND, THAT CAN NOT BE...
I finally got all my shit together and was getting ready to write a good article about the latest MLB Hot Stove rumors going on and then I came upon this picture. Now that I have seen it I have to question everything I see on television. I mean there is no way an actress like her could let herself go this way. I heard she just got engaged and now wonder if she fell madly in love with a Dunkin Donuts manager.
Anyways, don't send your hate mail to me. This is BarstoolSports fault! I'm still trying to convince myself it isn't real.
Oh yeah, click here to see who it is.
Posted by Matt Fairchild (firstname.lastname@example.org) at 10:36 AM
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
WTF HAPPENED TO SNOOP DOGG?
What you just watched above is Snoop's new video for Sensual Seduction. I'm not sure what I think about it other than I miss the old Snoop. I miss the sexual deviant who would poor out his juice on his ho's heads and shit. This Sensual Seduction song is the shit you hear on the dance floor when all the girls decide to pick their drunk mate for the night. I guess the song is good for most guys in a way because it will get girls all ready to bone but I think it sounds cheesy. Plus I hate those stupid ass clubs like FEVER here in Atlanta that all the douchebags go to and spike up their frosted hair while dancing with their girls/whores/strippers who are really just out looking for more blow. This is where this song is destined to be played for the next 2 years. I don't want to hear it at my local watering hole while I cry into my dark Guinness and wonder why I smell and look like an old tent with urine stains. Anyways, be ready to be bombarded with this song every hour for the next 6 months if you listen to the radio.
Posted by Matt Fairchild (email@example.com) at 3:13 PM
COLLEGE FOOTBALL TOP 10
Just one more regular season weekend in this bat shit crazy, makes no effing sense college football season. Of course last week we had the top 2 teams go down faster than Britney Spears on a McDonald's french fry so you know this week should be another week of upsets. This week's top 10 is brought to you by Big Funbags who bring you beer.
1. Missouri Tigers-Chase Daniel made Kansas his bitch last week in Arrowhead Stadium. He told her what he was going to do and then did it without any hesitation. I still can't believe I have Mizzou, fucking Mizzou, as the #1 team in the country. More than likely it will be short lived after they lose to Oklahoma in the Big 12 Championship.
2. West Virginia Mountaineers-People are already starting to pile on West Virginia saying they have benefited from an easy schedule and shouldn't get the chance to play for the NC. I'm not one of them. I think the backfield quartet of Pat White, Steve Slaton, Owen Schmitt, and Noel Devine would run all over teams like LSU and USC. They are now in the dreaded #2 spot which has been hell on all other occupants. They have Pitt this week. If Dave Wanny wasn't their coach I would pick Pitt in an upset. West Virginia will destroy Pitt in Morgantown.
3. Ohio State Buckeyes-Played a bullshit schedule and almost went undefeated. If they manage to squeeze into the BCS Title game they could be embarrassed again.
4. Georgia Bulldogs-The hottest team in college football right now, the Dawgs destroyed the Yellow Jackets last week but still are not playing in the SEC Championship this week thanks to the Volunteers win over Kentucky. A Rose Bowl match up with USC would be great TV.
5. LSU Tigers-Les Miles needs to shut his fucking mouth and stop campaigning for his team's right to go to the BCS Title game. You lost two games to a 5 loss team and a 4 loss team. Shut your damn pie hole and just take the Michigan job already.
6. Kansas Jayhawks-The Fighting Mangino's gave it their all against Mizzou but just came short on the scoreboard. Nothing to hang your head about, Kansas fans should be ecstatic they are going to a BCS game. I tip my hat to their unbelievable season so far.
7. Oklahoma Sooners-They get a chance to beat Mizzou twice in one season while also playing for a Big 12 Championship and a right to a BCS game. It should be plenty of motivation along with a healthy Sam Bradford to ruin Mizzou's season.
8. USC Trojans-Dude, you lost to fucking Stanford and still have a shot at winning the PAC-10 with a win over the horrendous UCLA Bruins. Just another reason to punch any dipshit who tries to make an argument that the PAC-10 is in the same league as the SEC.
9. Virginia Tech-They are having their typical Frank Beamer season racking up 9-10 wins against inferior competition. Congrats on that, now go beat Boston College in the ACC Championship.
10. Hawaii Warriors-I was wrong about this team last week. They are the best Non-BCS conference team in the land. If they beat Washington this week they have earned a right to play in a BCS bowl game only because I would rather watch them play then some boring ass ACC team.
Just missed the cut: Florida Gators, Illinois Fighting Illini, Arizona State SunDevils, Boston College Eagles
Posted by Matt Fairchild (firstname.lastname@example.org) at 9:39 AM
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
TO ALL NEW YORKERS
This is the perfect cartoon tribute in honor of all your insane babbling. The BCS is broken down by the #1 Giants fan in the whole wide New York Metropolis. As I have always said, New York is where crazy assholes are born to live and Florida is where they eventually go to bitch and die.
Hmmm, Boston Can Suck it, I think I like it. Fuck, I'm becoming one of those a-holes. Must abort Carl from memory!
Video: WithLeather via Adultswim
Posted by Matt Fairchild (email@example.com) at 1:16 PM
THE COACHING CAROUSEL
It didn't take long for Ole Miss to find their new coach in Houston Nutt. Erik over at DeepSouthSports gives his take with guarded optimism. The crazy bastard brings lunacy to a program that for my lifetime has always sucked and probably always will blow nuts minus the one season David Cutcliffe was there with Eli Manning. And oh yeah, good job firing Cutcliffe by the way Ole Miss and replacing him with the Ragin Cajun Ogre and only giving him 3 years! Clearly this was a racist move on their part. Ogre racism must not be tolerated. Guys like Mark Mangino, Ralph Friedgen, and Charlie Weis would still be coordinators eating 5000 calories a day while sitting in a dark room drawing up plays with french fries and Little Debbies.
Anyways, here is a rather hysterical look at the butchering of college football coaches by no other than America's favorite Governator...
Kudos to TigerDroppings for the clip.
Posted by Matt Fairchild (firstname.lastname@example.org) at 12:49 PM
R.I.P. SEAN TAYLOR
This morning Sean Taylor, aka the best college safety I have ever seen play, died from a gunshot wound to his leg. Taylor was a warrior on the field and seemed to be turning his life around after some run-ins with the law and it is just a shame to see his life cut short at the age of 24.
While at the University of Miami Taylor developed into the best college safety to possibly ever play the game. He could hit. And I don't mean love taps, I mean this mofo could lay down the wood on opposing receivers. He also could run. When he got the ball in his hands he was like fellow Hurricane Ed Reed in that he had the ability to take it to the house for a pick 6.
My condolences go out to his family. He died trying to protect his family in his own home and I think everybody can agree we would have done the same thing and protected the ones we love. I hope the authorities can find the person or people responsible for this senseless tragedy and bring justice as swiftly and ferociously as Sean Taylor hit receivers on the playing field.
And here are some highlights from his Wrecking Crew days at Da U...
Posted by Matt Fairchild (email@example.com) at 7:12 AM
Monday, November 26, 2007
ERIC CARTMAN DOING COLORADO INTRODUCTIONS
Ha, those damn Boulder hippies with their butt kissers...
Posted by Matt Fairchild (firstname.lastname@example.org) at 2:45 PM
HOUSTON NUTT'S HAVE BEEN CHOPPED
Another one bites the dust. Joining Ted Roof, Chan Gailey, Bill Callahan, Dennis Franchione, Ed Orgeron, and Lloyd Carr in the not coming back club because their alumni hate their fucking guts. Nutt will be sorely missed by all of the Arkansas faithful. In fact, we wanted to get some video footage of the fans paying homage to the Lord Nutt Bag but we felt like showing Necks urinating and defecating on Houston's front yard would be a little too embarrassing and controversial for this holy blog.
So we leave you with this, a Real Men of Genius tribute to Nutt, in other words called just give the damn ball to D-MAC and let him do his thing you crazy bastard...
Posted by Matt Fairchild (email@example.com) at 12:38 PM
SORRY KREMER, BELICHICK IS A BIGGER MAN THAN YOU
Wes Walker knows who his sugar momma is and it isn't you Andrea Kremer!
The "Coming Mommy" statement from Al Michaels was disturbing and awkward, like the first time you saw Zed's dungeon in Pulp Fiction.
Video HT: AwfulAnnouncing
Posted by Matt Fairchild (firstname.lastname@example.org) at 10:28 AM
CHAN GAILEY OUT, GEORGIA FANS WORLDWIDE SHED A TEAR
The latest lame duck coach to get fired is Chan Gailey. Somewhere Yellow Jacket fans will rejoice, toast their Zimas, and get back to licking their own nuts because no one else will do it. And by nuts I mean testicles, both on the men and women for those who have never been to a Georgia Tech football game.
Anyways, it was obvious why Gailey needed to be canned. He finished 0-6 against the Bulldogs. His overall record was 44-32 with a 28-20 ACC record which just wasn't going to cut it especially when the Florida State's and Miami's of the conference were playing like shit and yet Tech still couldn't manage to win an ACC Championship.
I have no idea who will be the next Tech coach but unless they somehow manage to get George O'Leary back they are not going to beat Georgia for a long time. Georgia brought their C game on Saturday and still handled the Yellow Jackets with relative ease.
Bobby Ross is available!
Posted by Matt Fairchild (email@example.com) at 10:11 AM
IT'S OFFICIAL: POLICE GUARD DOGS ARE RACIST ASSHOLES
This little gem is from Saturday night's Iron Bowl. Now I could understand a dog attacking a player if it was a game between USC and Miami because we all know if they don't make the NFL after college they will eventually go to jail in their lifetime. And of course that is no guarantee with all the OJ Simpson's and Sean Taylor's of the world. Maybe the dog is a secret BAMA fan who was hired by Nick Saban to bite the Auburn players in their own stadium.
I don't know, you be the judge: Racist BAMA dog or just a good boy!
Video HT: TheWizardofOdds
Posted by Matt Fairchild (firstname.lastname@example.org) at 9:50 AM
Friday, November 23, 2007
LOU HOLTZ WEEKLY PEP TALK
You know the Jayhawks have hit the big time when Lou Holtz is giving you pep talks...
The game of the year in College Football starts Saturday night at 8 pm on ABC. If you miss watching it for any other reason then family emergency(must be relative in household), death, passed out drunk then don't ever come back to this blog because I hate you already!
Posted by Matt Fairchild (email@example.com) at 5:58 PM
D-MAC BACK IN HEISMAN RACE
Darren McFadden put Arkansas on his broad shoulders and led them to a huge upset over the #1 ranked LSU Tigers. Running for 3 touchdowns and throwing for another, D-MAC rushed for 206 yards against a stout Tigers defense to up his season total to 1725. Will it be enough to vault him back to the top of the Heisman race? It all depends on what Tim Tebow does tomorrow against Florida State. If he shits the bed so to speak then I think McFadden has left the best memory in the Heisman voters heads. But if Tebow has his typical 4 touchdown game then he is the winner even if the Gators lose tomorrow. You simply can't ignore the ridiculous Playstation game stats Tebow has put up in the always rough and tough SEC this season.
So who are you taking? The Ultimate QB campaign or the D-MAC for Hei5man campaign?
Honestly I would not have a problem with either one of them winning. Both are tremendous athletes and are playing at the top of their game. And both guys are really great players and not just average talent like Troy Smith or Jason White who only won it because they played on great teams.
Posted by Matt Fairchild (firstname.lastname@example.org) at 5:28 PM
Loosen up the belt a couple of notches and dive into these Thanksgiving weekend picks.
NEBRASKA +3.5 AT COLORADO
The Cornhuskers finally got their shit together and crushed Kansas State last week. The Buffs have been up and down all season and their recent trend is down. Who ever wins this game gets a bowl invitation to the Alzheimers Classic.
Prediction: Nebraska 27 Colorado 24
ARKANSAS +13.5 AT LSU
The Razorbacks know their coach Houston Nutt is on the way out and this will be a huge motivation tool for the players to play their A game this Friday. On the opposite end you have LSU who knows their coach Les Miles is going to ditch them after the season for Michigan. I think this game will be extremely close to the bitter drunk end.
Prediction: LSU 35 Arkansas 28
TEXAS -7 AT TEXAS A&M
The Aggies have been playing like garbage all season long. They beat the Longhorns last year but Colt McCoy and company remember the sting all too well. Good bye Franchione, this will be a blowout.
Prediction: Texas 42 Texas A&M 14
BOISE STATE +3 AT HAWAII
I like the Broncos in this one because I think they are the better team. In a game full of hideous uniforms and fat Samoans, the Broncos will end Hawaii's dream season and any chance of Colt Brennan getting invited to New York City.
Prediction: Boise State 254 Hawaii 252
VIRGINIA TECH -3.5 AT VIRGINIA
The Cavaliers have been scraping by every week until they met the heartless Hurricanes. Unfortunately for the Cavaliers the Hokies team they face on Saturday has a lot of heart and wants to play for the ACC Championship. Cavalier fans will cry into their apple martini's after this one.
Prediction: Hokies 20 Virginia 10
TENNESSEE AT KENTUCKY -2.5
The Wildcats haven't beaten the Volunteers in like a billion years. If the Vols win this one they will go the SEC Championship only to get destroyed by LSU. It isn't going to happen. Andre' Woodson plays the game of his life and helps the Georgia Bulldogs reach the SEC Title game.
Prediction: Kentucky 24 Tennessee 20
CONNECTICUT +17.5 AT WEST VIRGINIA
This seems like way too big of a spread for this game. I will take the Huskies with the points, West Virginia with the win.
Prediction: West Virginia 38 UCONN 28
OREGON AT UCLA +1.5
No Dennis Dixon means a Leaf gets to show his stuff. Big Ruh Roh on that one for the Ducks.
Prediction: UCLA 17 Oregon 14
GEORGIA -4 AT GEORGIA TECH
This game will be over by the third quarter unless Tashard Choice has a great game. The Bulldogs are more talented at every position on the field and are better coached. I'm actually kind of shocked the spread is so little. Special K will have a game to remember. It was good knowing you Chan Gailey.
Prediction: Georgia 42 Georgia Tech 20
NOTRE DAME +3.5 AT STANFORD
When was the last time the Irish actually won their last game of the season? I believe it was right before the Pilgrims destroyed the Indians with smallpox. The Irish are undefeated on the left coast this season and Jimmy Clausen will feel right at home in his native state. The Irish finally put together a winning streak.
Prediction: Notre Dame 35 Stanford 31
FSU +14 AT FLORIDA
I think the Seminoles will be able to put points on the board against the horrible Gator's secondary to keep them in the game. Tebow will be too much for the Criminoles to handle though.
Prediction: Florida 28 Florida State 24
MISSOURI +1.5 AT KANSAS
The game of the year as it should be called, this traditional rival will be a great one in Arrowhead Stadium. The Jayhawks come in undefeated behind the steady play of Todd Reesing. The Tigers come in smoking behind an incredible offense led by Chase Daniel and Jeremy Maclin. Who ever wins gets the chance to play Oklahoma for the Big 12 Championship.
Prediction: Mizzou 45 Kansas 35
Nick Saban is a douche!
Prediction: Auburn 26 Alabama 10
Posted by Matt Fairchild (email@example.com) at 8:38 AM
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
ANDREA KRAEMER WANTS THE BRADY D
Wow, that was awkward. Kraemer just laid it out there.
"See you next Sunday" she says as she bats her fake Jersey girl eyelashes as her panties slowly wet themselves. I think if I am Tom Brady, and thank god I'm not because seriously, the guy has an asshole for a chin, I would be getting some serious ribbing from my teammates.
I wonder if Randy Moss has fucked with his psyche and sent him some fake Kraemer love notes along with some granny panties from one of his ho's. This could get very interesting. I could see one of the dickheads from the 1972 Dolphins putting Andrea up to this. Or maybe she just really craves the Brady D.
Somewhere Giselle is steaming mad over this. Or is she?
By "steaming mad" I mean fondling herself while thinking of Sportscrack love sessions.
Video via Deadspin
I don't really have a reason to post this sketch other than I thought it was funny. Seeing Christopher from the Sopranos hanging with Will Ferrell while acting like douchebag Frat Boys is funny you know. And by funny I mean shit in your pants till you can't shit anymore and then you just have your guts spilling out type funny.
CHRIS DOG...WE'RE #1!!
Posted by Matt Fairchild (firstname.lastname@example.org) at 8:28 AM
Monday, November 19, 2007
I just found this wonderful groin tingling website of the Reef Girls Competition. I don't know what Reef Girls are but I do know they will now haunt me in my dreams and I am thinking about getting a one way ticket to Chile to watch the next contest. I think I'm going to have to cancel the Vegas bachelor party, it can't measure up to something like this. Beach, babes, hot weather, thongs, booze. You know what, fuck, I'm at a lost for words right now. Here are some other pictures...
I told her to stop staring at me but she won't listen.
Posted by Matt Fairchild (email@example.com) at 2:38 PM
HUSKER NATION: FEAR THE KATY, COME FOR THE MOTOR BOATS
Our buddy MacG found this glorious video about the strange, insane, often bizarre yet some what wonderful psychotic football world in the minds of Nebraska football fans. See, MacG is an insufferable Cornhusker's fan who longs for the days of Tom Osborne roaming the sidelines while they ran the I-formation down opponent's throats and stuffed the run with the Blackshirts defense. Now a days the only thing you can call the Nebraska defense is the Black Skirts.
Most of us don't know what being a Nebraska fan is like, well now you can get a little glimpse.
Fear the Katy.
But always come back for the motor boats from the lovely Nikki...
I love you Nikki!
Posted by Matt Fairchild (firstname.lastname@example.org) at 11:39 AM
JIM DON'T DO IT
Hey Mr. Knox, please don't jump on that semen stained rough surface couch in Manhattan, you might..oh shit, never mind, go get em Cowboy...
Posted by Matt Fairchild (email@example.com) at 11:27 AM
DON'T FUCK WITH THE GREEN TEAM
And remember, don't be a dick, recycle your glass dildos and wrap up your feces in tin foil...
Posted by Matt Fairchild (firstname.lastname@example.org) at 11:16 AM
LLOYD CARR STEPS DOWN, LET THE DOMINOES BEGIN
This morning to no one's surprise Lloyd Carr resigned/retired/was going to get fired as Michigan's Head Football Coach after 13 seasons which included 5 Big Ten Championships and 1 National Championship. Not being a Carr fan for obvious reasons, I respect Carr for the way he went out and decided to do it now in order to help Michigan find the right coach and recruit. As we all know LSU Head Coach Les Miles is the leading candidate to replace him and thus if he decides to take the job as I expect he would it would create a domino effect in the college coaching fraternity.
When Les Miles leaves LSU to go back to his alma mater it will then open up one of the best coaching jobs in the nation at LSU. The Tigers of Baton Rouge are stacked with NFL ready talent at all positions and again will be a contender for the National Title next season with Ryan Perrilioux stepping in at QB(granted he isn't suspended or arrested during the offseason). Who will replace Miles remains a mystery. The leading candidate would be current defensive coordinator Bo Pelini but he could take the job at Nebraska once Bill Callahan is fired. Right now I think the best coach for Nebraska is current Buffalo coach Turner Gill who is a former player at Nebraska. He has managed to turn around a terrible football program in Buffalo in just his second season.
Other coaching positions likely to open up include Texas A&M(Dennis Franchione is a fraud), Georgia Tech(Chan Gailey is good for a max of 7 wins but not much more), UCLA(Sorry, Karl Dorrell is not the long term answer for the Bruins), Washington(because they are racist and don't want a shitty coach) and possibly Auburn if Tommy Tuberville gets wooed by the Aggies once they buy out Franchione.
Personally I can't wait to see how Miles handles all the Michigan questions. In a season full of upsets and surprises it will be very interesting to see how the LSU team responds the next two weeks despite all the distractions with a probable coaching switch. The LSU fans are going to be irrate when Miles says he wants to stay in LSU and focus on the season lying ahead to only fuck them in the end by bolting for Michigan shortly after their bowl game. It's inevitable.
It will also create a major clusterfuck in terms of recruiting. With as many as 5 major college football programs undergoing changes in coaching personnel, a lot of recruits are going to back out of commitments and look else where. Guys like Pete Carroll, Urban Meyer, Charlie Weis, and Jim Tressel know how to get players to switch allegiances so we could see a lot of bickering and bitching among college football fans about teams poaching recruits.
This is just another reason why college football is such a great spectator sport. All the shit that happens off the field makes it interesting year round.
Let the blood bath begin.
Posted by Matt Fairchild (email@example.com) at 10:33 AM
We call it the "Special K" shirt because of the amazing things #24 has done on the field this year in Athens. On the front of the shirt we have the "Special K" emblem which we hope you like. We were inspired by some rugby designs because it seems when KnowMo is out there he is always spinning, juking, making people miss and giving everything he has 100% of the time. On the back of the shirt is his number 24 with the Sportscrack logo above it.
We are taking pre-orders now. Be sure to spread the word to all the fans of Special K and Georgia...
Posted by Matt Fairchild (firstname.lastname@example.org) at 8:56 AM
Saturday, November 17, 2007
Pic courtesy of BigTenPoon
OHIO STATE(-3.5) AT MICHIGAN
Henne, Hart, and Long have never beaten the Buckeyes and it was the main reason why these guys came back for their senior years. Too bad they came back to lose another one to their arch rival.
Prediction: Ohio State 35 Michigan 21
KENTUCKY AT GEORGIA(-8)
The Bulldogs have been playing like they are on a mission since Knowshon has been getting the carries. The Wildcats on the other hand have been struggling since they beat LSU. The Red Out will work in Athens.
Prediction: Georgia 38 Kentucky 24
MISSOURI(-7.5) AT KANSAS STATE
This could be a big trap game for the Tigers who could be looking ahead to their showdown next week against Kansas. But I think Chase Daniel will keep the Tigers focused on their goals and take a some what close game in the third to a blowout in the end.
Prediction: Mizzou 45 Kansas State 31
VANDERBILT(+12.5) AT TENNESSEE
Prediction: Vandy 21 Tennessee 17
DUKE AT NOTRE DAME(-7)
The Shitter Bowl matches up two 1-9 teams with nothing to play for besides pride and dignity. I would say those are two big reasons for the Fighting Irish to come out and kick some ass. Clausen has a really good game throwing for 4 TDs.
Prediction: Notre Dame 35 Duke 14
LSU(-19) AT MISSISSIPPI
Prediction: LSU 38 Ole Miss 10
WEST VIRGINIA(-6) AT CINCINNATI
The Bearcats are tough at home but the Mountaineers have way more weapons. Pat White goes off!
Prediction: West Virginia 35 Cincy 20
OKLAHOMA(-7.5) AT TEXAS TECH
Just going on a hunch here, I think the Sooners come out for blood.
Prediction: Oklahoma 31 Texas Tech 21
Posted by Matt Fairchild (email@example.com) at 8:40 AM
Friday, November 16, 2007
JUST SUE THEM FOR THE GIPPER!
Apparently family members get pissed when you dig up a deceased relative for the purpose of using it on an Entertainment Sports Programming Network. The World Wide Leader in Sports is being sued by relatives of the George Gipp for lawyer speak that I have neither the brain nor patience to look up so I will simply quote them in this here fancy Blogger quotes:
It accuses the defendants of negligence, "willful and wanton misconduct, trespass and nuisance" and says the exhumation caused "extreme shock, fright, humiliation and mortification" for other relatives. It seeks at least $25,000, although a jury would set damages if the suit prevailed.
No word on whether Charlie Weis is named in the lawsuit for personally destroying Notre Dame's football history by forcing Gipp to turn over in his grave starting with the Georgia Tech debacle leading up to the most recent inexcusable losses to the service academies.
Posted by Matt Fairchild (firstname.lastname@example.org) at 1:22 PM
I found this little quick gem over at PoonoftheSEC. Not only do people in the South get to watch killer college football but since the weather is always nice the ladies love to show off the puppies. Here is a quick clip of some degenerate dingle berry* zooming in to get a little up close face time with some wonderful Bama Melons.
Great job on the quick pan to the left by the cameraman. I'm thinking this guy could do a really good job in the Van Nuys film business.
Posted by Matt Fairchild (email@example.com) at 1:08 PM
GOOD BYE OREGON AND DENNIS DIXON
Well, it was fun while it lasted for the Oregon Ducks. The Ducks got exposed by an average Arizona Wildcats last night in front of a packed house and not only suffered the curse of another #2 team to lose to an unranked opponent this year but also lost their leading Heisman contending QB in Dennis Dixon to a knee injury. With the Ducks now shot down this opens the door for Kansas or any other Big 12 team(Missouri and Oklahoma) for that matter to make it to the BCS title game if one of them wins out.
So what does it mean for the Heisman? It should have been Tim Tebow's to lose in the first place even before Dixon went down with an injury but now it becomes even more apparent. Sure Chase Daniel could make his case if he send Missouri to a Big 12 Championship game but I think Tebow is the better player and deserves it as long as he keeps putting up the numbers he has in the SEC. The fucking guy has 19 rushing touchdowns for Christ's sake! Anyways, last night was again proof that all the pundits out there, including myself, don't know shit when it comes to College Football this season. I knew the Wildcats would give them a game but I thought Oregon would be able to handle them with a strong Jonathan Stewart performance. By the way Stewart, if he comes back, would be the best back in the nation next season.
As for the BCS scenarios I'm not so sure people should be penciling in LSU into the title game. I think if Georgia can somehow make the SEC Championship game in Atlanta then they can beat the Tigers behind a strong performance from the legs of Knowshon Moreno, or Special K as I call him, and the big arm of Matthew Stafford. Of course Georgia would need to win their final SEC game against Kentucky and hope for Tennessee to slip up which I think they will against Vandy to get to the SEC Championship. So if LSU gets beat which I think is 50/50 right now, then who gets the other spot against the Big 12 Champion for the BCS Title?
WEST FUCKIN VIRGINIA!!!
Personally I hope this happens because I would love to see Pat White, Steve Slaton, and Noel "Ain't It" Devine go against one of the high scoring Big 12 Championship teams. I really don't care if it's Oklahoma, Missouri, or Kansas because all 3 teams have been highly entertaining to watch and a match up with West Virginia would be a wild shoot out reminiscent of the BCS Title game two years ago.
A playoff is what we need no doubt. Just think if every playoff game was as electric as last night in Tuscon. This is what we would get for 3-4 straight weeks....
There is no way I could have held out that long in not rushing the field with a funnel hat and whip cream covering my nipples in delight while laying a booze dripping wet one on Mike Stoops. Don't judge me people!
Posted by Matt Fairchild (firstname.lastname@example.org) at 8:52 AM
Thursday, November 15, 2007
LOU'S PEP TALK FOR THE SHITTER BOWL
The sad part is Holtz has more emotion, passion and heart in this clip than anything the Irish have displayed this year. 1-9 Notre Dame plays 1-9 Duke this Saturday. Hide the women, children, hell even dogs don't deserve to be subjected to such cruel punishment.
Posted by Matt Fairchild (email@example.com) at 8:23 PM
HOW YOU LIKE THESE APPLES BARRY BONDS?
You have just been indicted bitch! This is now the second happiest day of my life outside of losing my virginity to that sweet Taiwan hooker with one leg. Here is a recap:
Barry Bonds was indicted today on perjury and obstruction of justice charges, culminating a four-year federal investigation into whether he lied under oath to a grand jury looking into steroid use by elite athletes.
The indictment came three months after the 43-year-old Bonds passed Hank Aaron to become baseball's career home run leader. Bonds parted ways with the San Francisco Giants after the season.
While Bonds was chasing Aaron, a grand jury was working behind closed doors to put the finishing touches on the long-rumored indictment.
You know what, they should make November 15th a new national holiday. Maybe call it the "Don't fuck with the national pasttime or government Bonds!" Day. I can already see the Hallmark cards!
It's time to go celebrate people. Good finally won. Don't hold back...
Posted by Matt Fairchild (firstname.lastname@example.org) at 2:33 PM
STATE PENN LIVING UP TO IT'S NAMESAKE
Just when you think the Nittany Lions football team has finally shaped up and gotten their shit together, well, this kind of crap happens...
“In the center of the group were two males yelling toward the group of people that had just finished brutally attacking one of them," the criminal complaint states.
Another man was trying to calm the person police said had been attacked. The victim's shirt, according to the complaint, was covered in blood and the victim was trying to use it to stem the flow of blood. Police saw swelling on his entire face, lips and nose and an injury to the eye. His nose was fractured and his lip was split, the complaint stated.
The victim was yelling: "It took 15 football players to attack me," according to the criminal complaint.
The two meathead jackasses who have been charged with the most serious crimes are defensive lineman Chris Baker and linebacker Navarro Bowman. They basically beat the Paterno out of a student who apparently brushed one of their shoulders. Both are being charged with aggravated assault, simple assault, stalking and disorderly conduct, and summary harassment. Don't even ask me what summary harassment is unless I guess you could call it being a borderline student/retard who doesn't know how to summarize events that just took place.
It's good to see the Penn State team has been taught great discipline by JoePA and learned to attack a defenseless student as a team of 15 in order to assure the outcome.
In related news the #1 shirt sold on Penn State's campus since the unfortunate incident with those asshole Buckeye fans who so rudely walked on the hallowed grounds of Nappy Valley has been the State Penn shirt.
It's good to know that somebody has replaced Miami as a program with more convicts than actual students/athletes.
Remember people, "this is Penn State bitch!!!!"
Big Kudos to Gerald for the link.
Posted by Matt Fairchild (email@example.com) at 1:42 PM
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
THE BEER OF CHOICE
I'm not going to lie to you, the only reason why I got a Costco membership was for the dog food prices for my labs and of course the great deals for beer. In fact I got a case of Sam Adams, the mixed variety kind, and am enjoying it to it's fullest right now. You know what though, I think I will grab a case of the Samuel Jackson kind next...
Posted by Matt Fairchild (firstname.lastname@example.org) at 7:53 PM
A-Rod needs a hug!
MAKE UP YOUR MIND A-HOLE!
Here is the latest crap from A-Rod regarding his future with the Yankees. Yes, the douche has his own blog like just like me...
After spending time with Cynthia and my family over these last few weeks, it became clear to me that I needed to make an attempt to engage the Yankees regarding my future with the organization.
Prior to entering into serious negotiations with other clubs, I wanted the opportunity to share my thoughts directly with Yankees' ownership. We know there are other opportunities for us, but Cynthia and I have a foundation with the club that has brought us comfort, stability and happiness.
As a result, I reached out to the Yankees through mutual friends and conveyed that message. I also understand that I had to respond to certain Yankees concerns, and I was receptive and understanding of that situation.
Cynthia and I have since spoken directly with the Steinbrenner family. During these healthy discussions, both sides were able to share honest feelings and hopes with one another, and we expect to continue this dialogue with the Yankees over the next few days.
Seriously, how old is Alex Rodriguez? He needs to fucking grow up and stop acting like a little whiny bitch and decide what he wants to do. I'm so sick and tired of these guys opting out of contracts when they make a shit load of money and then feel no love from anybody else so they come back crying for forgiveness and more $$$. If the Steinbrenners are smart which they clearly are not after giving Jorge Posada and Mariano Rivera over"fucking"bloated contracts to re-sign they will listen to A-hole and make him bend over and kiss their puckered asses.
I hate the Yankees with a passion but I'm in their corner on this one. They need to go tell A-Job to go F himself. He needs to realize that being a Major League Baseball player is a privilege and the whole MLB world does not revolve around his pompous, pussy ass. And yes, being a New York Yankee is a privilege. Wearing the pinstripes shouldn't be about the money! But it clearly is for so many of their players and that is why the Yankees won't win championships. Until they get the players who really want to play for them and not just because they offered the most zero's on their paycheck but instead want to play in New York and wear the pinstripes because they always dreamed of it.
Anyways, I'm going to go throw up after talking all this Yankee crap.
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
Picture courtesy of PoonoftheSEC
TOP 10 COLLEGE FOOTBALL
1. OKLAHOMA SOONERS-Demarco Murray is proving to be one of the most valuable versatile backs in the nation. His kickoff return was a thing of beauty and he has that something special which will make him a Heisman favorite next year.
2. LSU TIGERS-It's amazing how quickly they have risen back to the #1 status despite losing a less than a month ago and have a lot of close games. But in my poll they are #2 because I think the Sooners are the better team right now.
3. OREGON DUCKS-Dennis Dixon will get his chance to prove to voters his Heisman candidacy this Thursday on ESPN against Arizona.
4. KANSAS JAYHAWKS-They keep rolling, one of only two undefeated teams and if they win out there is no doubt they should be in the BCS game. I think they have a good chance to by the way.
5. WEST VIRGINIA MOUNTAINEERS-Pat White is a pimp. If they didn't lose to South Florida he might have been the #1 Heisman guy right now. Win out and they make a BCS game.
6. MISSOURI TIGERS-Chase Daniel is playing his best ball right now and the showdown against Kansas next Saturday will be a great match up.
7. OHIO STATE BUCKEYES-The Buckeyes shouldn't hang their heads, they still have a chance to win the Big Ten this week against the hated Wolverines.
8. GEORGIA BULLDOGS-Knowshon Moreno has been the best back in the SEC, possibly the country the second half of the season. If the Bulldogs win out against Kentucky and Georgia Tech they will make a BCS game no matter if they are in the SEC Championship or not.
9. ARIZONA STATE SUNDEVILS-Two words for you: Dennis Erickson. Isn't the Nebraska job about to open? Could get interesting.
10. FLORIDA GATORS-Tim Tebow is a man among boys. His 7 touchdown performance against South Carolina put him back to #1 in my book among Heisman candidates.
JUST MISSED THE CUT-TEXAS, VIRGINIA TECH, USC, CLEMSON,
Posted by Matt Fairchild (email@example.com) at 11:54 AM
Monday, November 12, 2007
JUST WHEN YOU THINK...
The greatest running back since (fill in last great back name, who ever you prefer)comes in the NFL and takes over the game, he has to get hurt. Rookie sensation Adrian Peterson has a tear in his ligament only a week after setting the new NFL rushing record in a game. Right now the Vikings are being tight lipped about the severity but it appears this could keep AP out for the rest of the season. It has now become painfully clear to see...God hates Purple Jesus because he is a Jew! And by God I mean Larry King.
Posted by Matt Fairchild (firstname.lastname@example.org) at 3:33 PM
LARRY KING PISSES OFF SEINFELD
Sorry, I don't watch CNN unless some major catastrophe is going on, so excuse me for not knowing Larry King still had a show. Seriously, how old is this guy? I'm guessing he has to be at least 82 years old, the ear hair is a dead give away. Anyways, the old fucker got on the bad side of comedian Jerry Seinfeld by asking a stupid question...
http://view.break.com/393958 - Watch more free videos
It is now more clear than ever, Larry King is an anti semitic whore. Sure he claims he is Jewish himself but you know he would be the first guy to rat out Anne Frank and her family if he knew it guarenteed an extra loaf of bread for himself.
Posted by Matt Fairchild (email@example.com) at 12:50 PM
THIS IS WHAT BC GRADS DO WITH THEIR DEGREES
You know, it's bad enough you lose to Florida State and Maryland in back-to-back weeks, but now it's gotten so bad in Chestnut Hill that even their degree isn't worth shit. Don't believe me, well then watch this little clip about Boston College Safety Jamie Silva courtesy of AwfulAnnouncing. I wonder if Doug Flutie's Heisman is in there?
Posted by Matt Fairchild (firstname.lastname@example.org) at 10:57 AM
COLT BRENNAN FOR HEISMAN?
Not if Fresno State's Marcus Riley has something to say about it. See kids, this is why you listen in class, take notes, and get good grades because you don't want to be the guy on the receiving end of a hit like this. It's like trying to watch Helen Keller get Stephen Hawking off on a Broadway show. Just painful. Anyways, here is the clip, courtesy of MacG'sWorld...
Brennan managed to tie Ty Detmer's career touchdown passes record but had to leave the game so he catch his hot date with a cathadar.
Posted by Matt Fairchild (email@example.com) at 10:36 AM
HAPPY VETERAN'S DAY
I'm dedicating todays posts to all the troops out there, past and present, who either served or who are still serving this great country when all the other pussies like myself played video games and took bong hits instead of getting off the couch.
Here is to you armed forces, now go get Towelie...
Posted by Matt Fairchild (firstname.lastname@example.org) at 7:42 AM
Saturday, November 10, 2007
Just a hint, I like the road teams this week...
AUBURN(+1.5) AT GEORGIA
The Tigers have won 16 straight games wearing their all white uniforms. The Dawgs will be sporting an all black uniform similar to the Atlanta Falcons uniform. Yes, Matthew Stafford will remind Georgia fans of Michael Vick with a couple of costly turnovers.
Prediction: Auburn 21 Georgia 20
KANSAS(-6) AT OKLAHOMA STATE
The Jayhawks are for real! Still undefeated, I think they will blow out a bad Okie State team on the road.
Prediction: Kansas 28 Oklahoma State 14
FLORIDA STATE(+7) AT VIRGINIA TECH
I'm going on gut instinct in this game. The Seminoles are a more talented team and I think they will want this game more than the turkey necks up in Blacksburg.
Prediction: Florida State 17 Virginia Tech 13
USC(-4) AT CALThe Bears have been stumbling of late and the Trojans seemed to get their act together last week against the Beavers. John David Booty should have a good game against a rather weak Bear's secondary.
Prediction: USC 31 Cal 20
TEXAS TECH(+6.5) AT TEXAS
The Red Raiders can score like a midget in Bangkok, but can they hang with Big Brother Texas? I think so, just because the Longhorns haven't been all that impressive this season.
Prediction: Texas 38 Texas Tech 35
CONNECTICUT AT CINCINNATI(-6.5)
I like the Bearcats in this matchup. Like I said last week, the Huskies have to lose at least one Big East game.
Prediction: Cincy 28 Huskies 14
ARIZONA STATE(-7) AT UCLA
UCLA usually wins these type of games, you know the one where they have the 3rd string QB. But I think the SunDevils will bounce back just fine after losing to Oregon last week.
Prediction: ASU 35 UCLA 20
AIR FORCE(-3.5) AT NOTRE DAME
The bleeding, long death of Notre Dame football 2007 edition continues. The good thing about this season is the beer still tastes good.
Prediction: Air Force 27 Notre Dame 14
Enjoy your weekend bitches!
Posted by Matt Fairchild (email@example.com) at 7:46 AM
Friday, November 09, 2007
LOU HOLTZ WEEKLY PEP TALK
I have a lot of respect for Holtz and think he is a great guy and all, but he needs to stop doing these pep talks. Half of the shit he says doesn't make much sense and his effort to make fun of Mike Gundy in this is lame.
Posted by Matt Fairchild (firstname.lastname@example.org) at 8:20 AM
Wednesday, November 07, 2007
SPORTSCRACK COLLEGE FOOTBALL TOP 10
1. Ohio State Buckeyes-James Laurinaitis is proving he is the best defensive player in the country. Glenn Dorsey has gotten a ton of press, but the Little Animal is a wrecking machine and seems to be the proven leader for the Buckeyes as far back as last year when he was a sophomore. As the season progresses I really don't see anybody beating the Buckeyes. Illinois could give them a test this week but I think the Buckeyes will wear them down by the third quarter and force Juice Williams out of the game. I hate to say it but I think we can go ahead and pencil in the Buckeyes in the BCS Title game because I don't think they will lose to Michigan either next week.
2. Oklahoma Sooners-The Sooners are back to rocking and rolling after destroying Texas A&M. With two warm up games in Baylor and Texas Tech the following week ahead before the showdown against Oklahoma State at the end of the season, the Sooners should be able to rack up big time points in the minds of the voters if they continue to roll and win the Big 12 this season. Keep in mind the Big 12 has 3 teams in the top 10 right now with Texas lurking just outside. For all the shit the Big 12 has gotten from me and the national media, the league is one of the best this season.
3. LSU Tigers-I'm not sure how many times Les Miles has sold his soul to the Devil but each week he is just squeezing by. Last week's win over Alabama was their fourth straight game decided by a touchdown or less. In all four games they easily could have lost but didn't so they sit high. They are going to need to win impressively the rest of the season because the schedule is much easier with LA Tech, Ole Miss, and Arkansas remaining till the SEC Championship. And even in the SEC Championship game if they win it they could be doing so against a 3 loss team which would not be as impressive as a Big 12 Championship team. Food for thought SEC Fans.
4. Oregon Ducks-Everybody is in love with the Ducks and rightfully so. They clobbered Arizona State and now it appears they have the easy part of their schedule ahead of them. If the Ducks win out do they deserve to be in the National Championship game? Sure, why wouldn't they if both Ohio State and Kansas lose a game. Do I think the Ducks will roll the rest of the way? I don't think so because I think UCLA and Oregon State will give them games and I'm not sure how healthy or effective Dennis Dixon is going to be the rest of the season.
5. Kansas Jayhawks-This team is for real. It's been a joy to watch this team fight for everything they can get and really speaks for how well coached and prepared the Jayhawks are by Mark Mangino. They will get their chance to again prove how good they are in front of a national television prime time audience this Saturday against Okie State. Win it and we are looking at a huge match up with Missouri in two weeks to determine who goes to the Big 12 Championship game with a shot at a BCS Title at stake.
6. West Virginia Mountaineers-Pat White will have this team steam rolling over Louisville tomorrow night but I don't think it's going to be enough to get them back in the BCS Title talks unless a lot of teams in front of them start slipping up.
7. Missouri Tigers-Mizzou keeps winning and proving they are not a fluke by any means. With a resounding win over the Buffs in Boulder last week, Chase Daniel and Co. are in control of their own destiny. Win out and they will be playing a rematch game with Oklahoma in the Big 12 Championship for a possible BCS Title game berth at stake.
8. Georgia Bulldogs-Knowshon Moreno is the shit. How this kid got red shirted last year still baffles me. The Dawgs are going to have a battle this week in Athens vs. Auburn. Win and they are staring at Kentucky as the only obstacle between a SEC Championship berth. Lose and they are going back to the Chick Fil-A Bowl.
9. Arizona State SunDevils-Back to reality for the SunDevils after the loss to Oregon, they can still win out the rest of the season and play in a BCS Bowl game.
10. UCONN Huskies-I can't believe how well Jim Calhoun has prepared this team. All they have to do is get in the tourney and I can see them causing some damage if they survive the Cinderella games. Damn I wish College Football had a tourney.
Just missed the cut: Boston College, Virginia Tech, Michigan, Texas, Florida, Alabama
Posted by Matt Fairchild (email@example.com) at 12:01 PM
DAVE CHAPPELLE IN LONDON
I just came upon this wonderful video on YouTube of a performance by Dave Chappelle in London at Kojo's from about a week ago. Watch and learn...
This is how you wing it on the comedy stage. I saw Chappelle in Atlanta about two months back and I must say his stand up is way better than his TV show. Anytime a little sprinkle comes out because the laughter was too hard to bear you know the guy is one funny mofo. He made the right decision in turning down the money I think. He appears very happy to be doing stand up and out of the spotlight so to speak. Whether or not it is in a basement across seas doesn't even seem to faze him.
Posted by Matt Fairchild (firstname.lastname@example.org) at 9:19 AM
HOLY SHIT! THEY ARE TEARING DOWN WRIGLEY!
The Lovable Losers will no longer have a home in Wrigley Field starting in 2008. With the 100th year anniversary of the last World Series Champion coming to fruition this spring, the Chicago Cubs franchise has decided their pathetic history can no longer exist in the beautiful confines of Wrigley Field. Home of the Cubbies since 1916, rumors are the Cubs will relocate to Baltimore where Peter Angelos can further run them into the ground and alienate fans with $8 beers and shitty baseball.
I know you are probably thinking this is some BS made up story but it's not. You want proof Bleacher Bums, well here is your proof...
Even the down on his luck groundskeeper has been told to keep his mouth shut or he will be named the new GM by Angelos, a punishment not worthy of anybody. I've tried to find film of Angelos spitting on Harry Carey's grave but I have had no luck so far. When contacted by phone, Mr. Cub Ernie Banks seemed excited with the move but when I reassured him they weren't moving to proven winner St. Louis and instead to Baltimore he hung up.
Posted by Matt Fairchild (email@example.com) at 8:47 AM
Tuesday, November 06, 2007
TOO FUNNY NOT TO POST
Umm, ESPN's Rob Stone you might not want to...oh never mind....
HT Video: WithLeather
Brings back memories of College Spring Break trips to Juarez and the fun times with the donkey(and yes, they do kick). Remember kids, always double bag it including your tongue!
It keeps giving, doesn't it Rob?
Posted by Matt Fairchild (firstname.lastname@example.org) at 2:37 PM
UGA SENIORS CALL FOR "BLACKOUT"
When I first heard of the Georgia Bulldog seniors calling for a "blackout" for this week's game against Auburn in Athens, I wondered how in the world are they going to be able to do that when, you know, 98.7% of the crowd is WHITE?
I mean I understand the whole Penn State "white out" deal because white people wear white shirts and those Quakers have milky skin already so it doesn't take much effort. But there is no way everybody in Athens attending the game is just going to wear black shirts and put on black face. It's impossible.
Next thing you know they are going to ask for a red out and will be busing in all the Mexicans from Buford Highway. Obviously this is a racial issue and I didn't want to get involved but I felt it needed to be brought up. What do you guys think? Would you guys be offended if UGA wore black face to the game against Auburn?
Posted by Matt Fairchild (email@example.com) at 1:43 PM
pretty much sums up college football this season.
Pure fucking pandemonium full of boozed up taco wearing hat lovers filled with bloody screams of pain and pleasure all rolled up into one.
In other words another Friday night masturbation session for yours truly.
Posted by Matt Fairchild (firstname.lastname@example.org) at 8:36 AM
RAVENS ARE NEVERMORE
Wow, that Ravens prediction to beat the spread was a little off by me. Oh well, the Ravens are going down the shitter to the delight of everybody outside of metro Baltimore. With the injuries piling up and the "offensive genius" showing he can't formulate a scoring offense still despite roaming the sidelines for 9 years now in Charm City, there is always College Basketball for all the Marylanders out there.
Oh shit, the Terps are suppose to suck too this year. Well, how about those Colts and Orioles?
Just to rub it in a little bit, here is a nice little love tap from Mr. Hines "always grinning like he just bonked your wife" Ward on Ed Reed. Trust me and watch the clip to the very end, it's worth it not because Mike Tirico announces it like he is doing golf but the unbelievable head snap.
Video HT: Awful Announcing
Posted by Matt Fairchild (email@example.com) at 8:22 AM
Monday, November 05, 2007
I've been having some computer difficulties today, apparently typing in www.bigdonkeyfloppy.com is not a good move on a Monday morning. I promise I will make it up to you guys not with sexual favors or anything like that but with something to laugh at...
Let's make this world a better place.
Posted by Matt Fairchild (firstname.lastname@example.org) at 1:21 PM