Just a reminder to get your college football picks in today before 5 pm eastern if you are in the Sportscrack pick em contest.
Here are my picks this week:
West Virginia(-7.5) at South Florida: The spitting lisp gave the pep talk to the Bulls so I got to take the Mountaineers.
Prediction: West Virginia 27 South Florida 17
Ole Miss (+15) at Georgia: Ole Miss can hang with Georgia and the Bulldogs haven't blown out a decent opponent in a long time.
Prediction: Georgia 24 Ole Miss 18
Oklahoma (-22) at Colorado: I'm going to keep riding the Sooners money train.
Prediction: Oklahoma 49 Colorado 20
Cal at Oregon (-6): I just have this feeling that Oregon really wants to make a statement and prove they need to be taken serious for a National Title this year.
Prediction: Oregon 35 Cal 28
Clemson at Georgia Tech (+3): Just playing a hunch here, Tech usually beats Clemson when they are underdogs especially at home.
Prediction: GT 20 Clemson 17
Alabama (+2.5) at FSU: Umm, why is Alabama an underdog in this game? The Criminoles suck ass, I'm going with $aban Nation.
Prediction: Alabama 28 FSU 14
Auburn (+18) at Florida: I got to go with Auburn here just because of the huge spread. The Tigers know how to beat Florida and they won't be scared of the Swamp.
Prediction: Tebow 31 Auburn 20
Notre Dame at Purdue(-21): Nothing has changed for me to believe ND will be in this game. Enjoy this game Purwho, it will be the last time you beat ND for a long time.
Prediction: Purdue 45 Notre Dame 17
Friday, September 28, 2007
Thursday, September 27, 2007
GREAT NEWS: KEVIN EVERETT IS MOVING
But he still hates cops? You be the judge...
You have to love unintentional comedy. Who ever screwed up the news station footage has a job offer from Sportscrack waiting for them. Of course pay is little to nothing but I have been told I give great massages with my "big hands."
"You so hard you need to relax guy."
Kevin Everett video via BarstoolSports
Posted by Matt Fairchild (email@example.com) at 8:25 PM
IT'S OFFICIAL: SOUTH FLORIDA IS FUCKED!
The dreaded curse of the lisp appears to have stricken South Florida this week. Lou Holtz' latest blabbering pep talk is designed to pump up the Bulls for their Friday showdown against West Virginia. More likely it will extend the dreaded Holtz pep talk curse to Tampa where the Bulls will go down faster than a struggling Hollywood starlet on a casting couch.
I wonder if Vegas waits for the lisp of Holtz before deciding the line on the game?
West Virginia is favored by 7.5 points. I think the half point is in honor of Noel Devine. He may be half a man in size but the little guy is more jittery and elusive than a DC crack addict.
Posted by Matt Fairchild (firstname.lastname@example.org) at 7:04 PM
My little brother Sean is considering going to USC (I know, quit the missing chromosone jokes now)to hang out, study (wink, wink) and party with a bunch of DUSCHEBAGS. I know he reads this blog every once in a while. Sean, the picture above is a warning. Do you really want to be associated with white rich kids who actually support O.J? You might as well go to Virginia Tech and start a memorial for Vick's career.
Food for thought Sean. I'm just saying.
Picture via Deadspin
Posted by Matt Fairchild (email@example.com) at 10:04 AM
SECPOON IS BACK
Never fear Poon lovers, I have been informed that the SECPoon is back and better than ever. Thanks to good bud and fellow blogger MacGsWorld(great blog by the way, highly recommend), we have received a relaunch at www.poonsec.blogspot.com. Don't ask any questions, just bookmark the page, unzip...errr, I mean relax and enjoy the lovely southern ladies.
I've been informed that the two ladies above do go to Tennessee and actually have all their teeth and even know how to spell their first...and last names. I think this deserves a slow, resounding, golf clap.
Oh oh yeah, GOD.BLESS.THE.POON.
Posted by Matt Fairchild (firstname.lastname@example.org) at 9:00 AM
We call it the Backup College shirt, otherwise known as BC. You always had a dream to get in your first university of choice but just weren't good enough, well now you can wear your second rate college shirt.
Click on the image below to order, all orders will be shipped October 5th so preorder soon so you can get it before gameday...
Posted by Matt Fairchild (email@example.com) at 6:20 AM
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
ONLY ONE GOOD USE FOR A TROJAN
Apparently O.J. wasn't available.
Posted by Matt Fairchild (firstname.lastname@example.org) at 2:13 PM
MICHAEL VICK TESTS POSITIVE FOR MARIJUANA
Shocker isn't it? America's favorite felon tested positive for the holy grass back on September 13th. He has since been ordered to stay at home with an electronic monitoring device and receive mental health counseling. I got a better recommendation. Why don't we take all the Vick supporters who booed the Animal Rights activist last night in Atlanta and shower them with chum and just dump them in the choppy waters of Capetown, South Africa.
Listen people, I'm going to say it as nicely as possible....VICK IS A FUCKING IDIOT!
Don't support that sack of garbage. He is a rich prick who doesn't give a shit. And those people who just embarrassed the rest of Atlanta including myself last night by booing a guy who supports the rights to protect animals from cruelty can seriously, and I mean seriously, go....
Sorry people, I'm in a glass case of emotion right now.
Posted by Matt Fairchild (email@example.com) at 11:33 AM
I FUCKING HATE ESPN MORONS
Click here for the latest Charlie Weis interview on Stephen A. Smith radio show. If you want to hear a question that makes absolutely zero sense without any research, fast forward to the 5:35 mark and listen.
This is why ESPN blows. Notre Dame fans are not bitching about Weis recruiting. His recruiting is unbelievable and he is bringing in elite players unlike the past regime. Notre Dame's current recruiting class is ranked #1 in the nation. The past two seasons since Charlie took over the recruiting classes finished in the top 10 in the nation. This notion that Notre Dame isn't going to get better is just bullshit. The elite talent they have right now is all in the freshmen and sophomore classes and are just inexperienced but are growing up fast.
Do your research ESPN and stop trying to stir the pot.
We can all agree what ESPN stands for...
Posted by Matt Fairchild (firstname.lastname@example.org) at 11:03 AM
MY TOP 10 brought to you by Heidi Klum
I'm really too lazy right now to do a top 25 in college football. Plus I'm sure most of you could give a horse's ass where Virginia Tech (let the healing begin)is on my top 25. They wouldn't be in it by the way. I figured I would spice up the list and bring in an official sponsor of the top 10 list. Luckily for all the guys supermodel Heidi Klum agreed to be a presenter. Thank you Germany.
1. Oklahoma Sooners-They have scored over 51 points in every game and covered every spread. They make me rich so I give them props. Bradford to Kelly might be the best QB to WR combo in the nation.
2. LSU Tigers-This team is so fierce it's like watching Charlie Weis and Mark Mangino slug it out for the last munchkin at Dunkin Donuts. The trick play for a TD against South Carolina gave me a boner.
3. USC Trojans-You can't spell TROJAN without OJ. Shameless promotion, I know. Yes, they are really good, Pete Carroll is a god, blah blah blah. Suck it Trojans.
4. Florida Gators-Not sure how long Tim Tebow is going to last this season rushing the ball the way he has. Urban Meyer needs to figure out a way to run the spread offense without him getting hit 3000 times a game. I know Tebow is the Ultimate QB (another shameless plug)but not even Pamela Anderson could take the constant pounding of Tommy Lee before going down for the count.
5. West Virginia-The Mountaineers are facing a stiff test this week against South Florida. If you like to be entertained just keep your eyes on Pat White.
6. Texas Longhorns-Finally they played a decent game last week against Rice. The offense appears to be clicking and they could get a good battle from Kansas State this week.
7. Oregon Ducks-I'm moving the Ducks up because I think they will beat Cal this week. Dennis Dixon and Jonathan Stewart having been beasts all season and their defense is better than Cal's.
8. Cal Bears-Desean Jackson will have a good game this week but it won't be enough against Oregon.
9. Ohio State-I like their defense and they have a great coach in Jim Tressel. One of their players dotted the I between H-O a couple of days ago. Kids will be kids.
10. Kentucky-Watch them play and you will appreciate how good they are. Their offense is balanced and their confidence is growing. Oh yeah, did I mention on here how much I love Andre' Woodson and Rafael Little? I hold them in my heart so dearly I'm thinking about making a pillow with both of their backsides on each side of the pillow. Sweet dreams!
Just missed the cut but not really: Rutgers, Wisconsin, South Florida, Boston College, Clemson
Posted by Matt Fairchild (email@example.com) at 9:52 AM
MICHAEL WILBON IS AFRAID OF BLOGS
Head over to Awful Announcing to hear what Wilbon said yesterday on the Mike Tirico Radio Show(how in the hell did that no good sexual predator jock sniffer get the job to replace Dan Patrick ahead of the way more interesting and actually funny Scott Van Pelt?) about bloggers. It always amazes me when the so called press gets their panties in a bunch over bloggers and their blogs. It must be some form of jealously or fear of losing their job.
We are all just ugly geeks hiding behind a computer Wilbon! Unfortunately Wilbon hasn't taken the cue of bloggers and hidden his ugly mug.
Kudos to Awful Announcing for sticking up for the bloggers of the world.
Posted by Matt Fairchild (firstname.lastname@example.org) at 9:38 AM
51 YEARS AGO...
Today my mom, Gail, was born down in the hot tropical haven known to the locals as Key West. She lived a great life and unfortunately cancer gave her a detour and cut it short. The memories will never die.
Happy Birthday Mom, I love you forever...
"The Funeral" by Band of Horses
Posted by Matt Fairchild (email@example.com) at 7:51 AM
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
MORE OSCAR DE LA FISHNET PHOTOS
This guy is more fruity than strawberry yogurt dripping off Andy Dick's balls. In case you want to see more pictures of Oscar strutting around like the fucking fruitcake adulterer he is, well then click this lovely link.
Posted by Matt Fairchild (firstname.lastname@example.org) at 2:16 PM
ANYONE UP FOR SOME TRIVIA TONIGHT?
Last week I got invited by some friends to join them at this restaurant called Pepperbee's in Atlanta for some hot trivia action. We finished third thanks to some timely answers from you know who(me, me, me)and I must say the service at the restaurant was impeccable. I've never encoutered such great customer service. The food was great, but I wouldn't try their milkshakes. It was a little salty for my liking. Anyways, we are trying to win it this week so if you want to join in on the fun with some satisfaction guaranteed, well then come on down. Pepperbee's owner Doug Thomas wanted to personally invite you. Take it away Doug...
Posted by Matt Fairchild (email@example.com) at 1:43 PM
Voters are starting to look up to Andre' Woodson.
THE HEISMAN RACE
I'm starting to confuse myself why I am so enthralled with who wins the Heisman and why I talk about it so much. I guess some of it has to do with the tradition and how it is a part of college football history, but then I also think some of it has to do with a lot of the BS around the award. By BS I mean the stupid ignorant reasoning of most of the voters who reason only upper class men on top 5 teams in the country can win the award. What ever happened to giving it to the best player in the country?
Anyways, I got bored so I looked around the wide world web to see what others sport writers/morons/experts out there thought the current leaders were and how they compared to my list.
-SI.com's Gene Menez has a top ten list with Tim Tebow as the leader and Darren McFadden a close second. For the most part I agree with his list except his omission of Kentucky QB Andre' Woodson. There is no logical reason he shouldn't be in the top 5, let alone left out of the top 10 list.
-ESPN.com has their Heisman Watch. Usually ESPN fucks up lists like this but I agree with their top 4 selections of McFadden(current leader), Tebow, Woodson, and Pat White. All four of these guys are the clear leaders on their team and without them you could make a case their teams would all be worse off.
-Heismanpundit.com has his top 6 which seem all out of whack to me. He sticks with his 10 Heismandments for his reasoning in putting John David Booty at #2(I still can't get over this, Booty isn't even a top 10 quarterback in the nation right now) and he has Jamaal Charles at #4(he forgot about a half a dozen big time backs who are having a better year such as Mike Hart, Rashard Mendenhall, PJ Hill, Jonathan Stewart, Steve Slaton, and Justin Forsett). Of course I find myself going to his site the most because I generally disagree with it.
Those are the three lists I generally check out to see what they are thinking in comparison to who I would vote for. I think a lot of the voters get so enamored with their guy before the season starts that it takes a lot for them to not vote them as their leader. For instance before the season started my preseason favorite was Desean Jackson of Cal. Right now there is no reason for me to put him in my top 10 list because he hasn't performed up to what I know he is capable of despite the injuries(the punt return against Tennessee and the running play against Colorado State not withstanding). But others still insist on putting a Booty up there or a Steve Slaton on there despite actually watching the games and seeing that they aren't even close to being the best or most valuable player in the country this year. This is why guys like Gino Torretta, Troy Smith, Chris Weinke, Jason White, Eric Crouch, and others win the award. People declare them leaders before the season actually starts and if they don't lose then it doesn't matter if they aren't even the best player on their team. These preconceived notions that I have to vote for this guy because he is my preseason favorite is why people like George Bush get re-elected(no hate mail please, I voted for the dumb asshole too).
Anyways, here is my top 10 vote(the first four are all interchangeable right now) if it was held today for the Heisman.
1. Tim Tebow-The Urban Legend does it all and put the Gators on his back and rode them to victory against Ole Miss this past week. His stock could drop though against LSU on October 6th if coach Meyer plans on running him so many times against a brutal and bruising defense.
2. Darren McFadden-He continues to shine on a very average Arkansas team. He is clearly the best running back in the nation and despite the team losses I am not dropping McFadden from the top of the list.
3. Andre' Woodson-He is on pace to throw for 33 TD's and no interceptions for Kentucky. Yes, the fucking Wildcats. I think the nation is finally starting to realize how great of a player he is. If he played on USC or any of the top 5 teams in the country everybody would have him as the clear leader.
4. Pat White-The kid seems to play flawless every game I watch him play. I'm really looking forward to Friday's national television showdown against South Florida down in Tampa.
5. Sam Bradford-Redshirt freshman should be able to win this award and he has performed big in every game.
6. Mike Hart-The little guy has put Michigan on his back and literally carried their asses. I hate Michigan but I can't help but respect the way Hart plays the game. That being said, no team in their right mind in the NFL will draft him with all the wear and tear he is receiving this year and the past 3 seasons up in Ann Arbor.
7. Dennis Dixon-I get this feeling he might be off the list real quick. The Cal game this week will be a very entertaining battle for who is second best in the PAC-10.
8. Glenn Dorsey-If you watched the game on Saturday you can appreciate everything that big Dorsey brings for LSU. The big boy gets triple teamed and still makes penetration thus freeing up teammates to make plays.
9. Colt Brennan-Not playing last week hurt his chances.
10. Jonathan Stewart-Surprise, surprise. Second best back in the nation behind McFadden makes his debut.
Just missed the cut: Ray Rice, Desean Jackson, Brian Brohm, Matt Ryan, Chase Daniel
Posted by Matt Fairchild (firstname.lastname@example.org) at 11:16 AM
YES OR NO?
Okay guys, I want you to be honest, would you still invite this Swedish TV Host over for a late night R&R even after the projectile vomiting?
No reason to bullshit or beat around the bush, I think if she brushes her teeth I'm okay with it. Desperate times call for desperate measures, and I think I can speak for pretty much everybody reading this blog we have all gone home with a girl...or guy for the ladies who wasn't the bread winner in their family(I'm looking in the mirror). Now that I think of it this is like the 3rd case of vomit I've seen in the past few days. Saturday night I saw one of my buddys do the liquid vomit game shortly after Georgia beat Alabama. Sunday night I saw somebody on television hurl, I can't really remember what show it was but I think it was on Showtime or HBO. And now this Swedish temptress hurling on live television.
I'm starting to feel left out.
There is no alternative, I must join the masses, eat some shitty food(McDonalds or Chipotle will do) or drink too much Whiskey and either wear a Red Sox or Yankee hat while doing it. That way I can fit in with all the other douchebags on TV who throw up. Don't worry people, I'm still in denial about Notre Dame football and I swear I will get out of this funk soon.
Back to the original question: Would you kick the Swedish TV Host to the curb if she hurled in front of you? And remember God knows when you are lying...I want some "fucking french toast biyatch!"
Swedish Host Video via BarstoolSports
Posted by Matt Fairchild (email@example.com) at 10:24 AM
Monday, September 24, 2007
BIG 12 COACHES ARE PSYCHOS!
First we had Dan Hawkins lecture us on Big 12 football and how it wasn't intramurals brother, now we have Oklahoma State head coach Mike Gundy having a hissy fit over an article. Apparently writer Jenni Carlson of the Oklahoman called one of his players, quarterback Bobby Reid, a pussy last week. It's true you can read it here.
Last week we had Jabba the Weis give the death stare to beat writer Eric Hansen. College football is a dish best served cold motherfuckers!
Posted by Matt Fairchild (firstname.lastname@example.org) at 4:04 PM
SOME WEEKEND OBSERVATIONS
-Rex Grossman is the worst quarterback in the NFL. I'm not sure what anybody has ever seen in him. It's like watching a slow motion train wreck with Grossman. Coach Lovie Smith has already stated he is going to stick with Grossman. It's too bad because the Bears have a really good team but will never win a Super Bowl with Grossman at the helm.
-The Eagles need to stick with those hideous UCLA wannabe uniforms. 56 points, are you fucking kidding me? I would wear garter belts with chaps out in public if I knew it was good luck. But of course people judge you too harshly, it's just fashion people.
-I know as crazy as this may sound I saw some good things out of Notre Dame on Saturday. RB's James Aldridge and Robert Hughes are both beasts capable of carrying the offense right now. I'm not sure why these two horses have hardly gotten any carries before this past week, but if I was Jabba the Weis I would keep feeding them while sprinkling in a little Armando Allen. I was also very impressed with LB's Kerry Neal and Brian Smith. Both freshmen played with a motor and made plays throughout the game. Here is hoping for the sake of my liver that Jabba the Weis plays these kids more often.
-Gamblers out there should recognize that Notre Dame hasn't covered a spread all year. Right now they are 21 1/2 point dogs at Purdue this week. You might want to take Purdue with the points considering this will be the first week the Irish go up against a good college QB in Curtis Painter.
-Ole Miss played an inspiring game against the Gators. Ed Orgeron is the real life Shrek. The guy has that crazy eye look, like he might just bite you for no good reason. The Rebels will have a good team next year with Texas transfer Jevan Snead leading the charge at QB. Orgeron just needs to keep relentlessly getting the recruits and I could see them challenging in the SEC West next season.
-I think right now my top two Heisman contenders are SEC quarterbacks. Tim Tebow and Andre' Woodson have been nearly flawless and have put their respective teams on their shoulders. My preseason favorite Desean Jackson is going to need some huge games to catch up. It's too bad he isn't healthy right now. Here is hoping he has a clean bill when they play USC.
-Family Guy and Curb Your Enthusiasm continue to hurt my sides from laughter. The 6th season premiere of Family Guy, called the Star Wars episode, was a classic. You don't handle the budget Terry, I do!
Posted by Matt Fairchild (email@example.com) at 5:14 AM
Friday, September 21, 2007
Georgia Tech(-3) at Virginia:The first time I saw this line I almost pissed on myself. Okay, not really, but I felt a little trickle out. You know when you get scared or confused, sort of like watching a bad SNL skit or just watching Dane Cook try to perform comedy. Terrifying as that might seem, the Yellow Jackets are only 3 point favors in Charlottesville. Tech hasn't won up in Cranberry Spritzer land since 1990, oddly I remember the game quite fondly because it was a classic.
Virginia is 2-0 in conference play after beating up patsies North Carolina and Duke. Their one loss came against Wyoming. I know, stop your laughter, it's pathetic. But what do we really know about Tech? They dominated their first two games against Notre Dame (who hasn't) and Samford (school of the deaf and dumb)but then were throttled last week by Matt Ryan and his Backup College teammates. So something has to give.
I'm going with my first instinct which usually always involves alcohol, pissing, or changing the channel. Tech should win this game comfortably. Tashard Choice has gotten the go ahead to play and I think we will see a more confident Taylor Bennett this week. The Tech defense is going to be stoked for this battle with their ears pinned back (no idea what it means, it just sounds good) ready to prove last week was a fluke.
Prediction: Nerds 27, Lemon Drops 13
Penn State(-2.5) at Michigan:Holy shit, how many fucking games does Michigan play in the Big House this year? Both of these teams have been far from impressive but right now the Nittany Lions are playing better. They both beat the FUPA off of Charlie Weis and Notre Dame but who hasn't so far. I'm not really a firm believer in any one of these teams but I think Penn State has the upper hand.
Michigan is starting a freshman QB who will be playing a really good Penn State defense. Whether or not Ryan Mallett can refrain from turning over the ball will be a huge part in deciding the outcome. I'm looking forward to the matchup of Mario Manningham vs. Justin King. Both guys will be playing on Sundays and are among the best in the nation at their respective positions.
I think I have to go with Brains on this one. Michigan has looked horrible all season and one week of beating up ND does nothing in changing my mind. I wish Mike Hart would have made a guarantee for this game, it would have made it more interesting.
Anthony Morelli makes less mistakes than Mallett (no logic here, just going with the senior vs. freshman dynamic) and Penn State gets revenge against the Skunkbears.
Prediction: Penn State 28 Michigan 20
Michigan State(-13.5) at Notre Dame:I don't think I need to go in details about what is wrong with the Irish to deserve a ridiculous spread like this at Rock's House. Sparty has had the Irish number in South Bend the last five times. No team has ever won 6 straight in South Bend and of course no Irish team has ever started 0-4.
Is Michigan State that good to deserve a spread of nearly two touchdowns? Of course not. Michigan State's program has evolved into a giant pile of shit stained expectations that never come to fruition. Wow, what a shock, Sparty is 3-0. They always are because they play shit teams just like Purwho does in the beginning of the season.
So what gives? Notre Dame is a fucking mess right now. They can't wipe their ass properly let alone convert a third down. As much as my Irish blinders say they can win this week it's hard to ignore the brutal truth.
Prediction: Fucking Sparty 27 Irish 12
Oklahoma(-23.5) at Tulsa:
Tulsa gave up almost 700 yards total offense to BYU last week...this could get ugly, very, very, u-g-l-y. I'm actually surprised the spread isn't wider. I'm talking Pamela Anderson canyon wide. Right now the spread is manageable for Oklahoma with Sam Bradford leading the way. Bradford has been hitting on all cylinders and nothing about Tulsa makes me think it will change this week.
The Sooners defense has been reminded the whole week what Boise State did to them in the Fiesta Bowl. Non-BCS schools aren't going to surprise the Sooners anymore.
Prediction: Oklahoma 62 Tulsa 14
Oregon State(+12) at Arizona State:The line just seems way too big for this game. The Beavers are going to want to show their former coach Dennis Erickson that they are tougher than his current team. Sammie Stroughter will have a big game against a suspect Sun Devil's defense. RB Ryan Torian is expected to miss the game against for Arizona State.
I got to go with the Beavers on this one. The line is just too big and I think Oregon State can win this game straight up. The PAC-10 blows this year except for USC and Cal. This game will be entertaining and close.
Prediction: Oregon State 34 Arizona State 30
Arizona(+16) at Cal:
I'm really hoping this game is on TV here in Atlanta because I want to see All-Americans Desean Jackson and Antoine Cason battle each other. The Wildcats aren't that bad and Cal isn't that good. Cal will win and Jackson will have a highlight play no doubt, but it will be closer than what Vegas thinks.
Prediction: Cal 28 Arizona 17
South Carolina at LSU(-16.5):LSU's defense is going to destroy South Carolina. LSU is just too good and too loaded for this game to be close in Baton Rouge. I could see South Carolina taking the open kickoff and having a decent drive and then all of the Cock fans get all excited and start looking at each other and right before they make out Glenn Dorsey tears their fucking soul out with a forced fumble sack and the game is over before you even knew it. Click-clack Spurrier.
Prediction: LSU 42 South Carolina 10
Kentucky(+6.5) at Arkansas:A game featuring a pair of Heisman contenders in Darren McFadden and Andre' Woodson, I'm actually surprised the Hawgs are favored by almost a touchdown. Kentucky is playing sky high right now after beating in-state rival Louisville last week. This isn't your everyday Kentucky squad and they will be able to put up points on the board against a suspect Arkansas defense.
D-Mac and Felix Jones will again play like beasts and put up a lot of yards. But Arkansas has a Dick as their QB and I think it is really going to fuck them in this game. Woodson is a great QB and will clearly outplay him while getting the ball to his playmakers in Rafael Little and Keenan Burton.
Both of these teams played shootouts last week and this game will be a high scoring affair too. I'm taking the big Wood-son over the little Dick.
Prediction: Kentucky 38 Arkansas 35
Georgia(+3.5) at Alabama:
Mark Richt's teams usually play good on the road, winning 10 of their last 11. The Bulldogs need this win or they will be 0-2 in the conference and you can kiss their BCS chances good bye. Matthew Stafford will outplay his counterpart John Parker Wilson and the Dawgs will squeeze out a victory with a late TD.
Prediction: Georgia 20 Alabama 17
Posted by Matt Fairchild (firstname.lastname@example.org) at 11:44 AM
TIGER LEAVES A FLOATER
The video footage is from the US Open with a bunch of grown men waiting for Tiger to squeeze out his last drop. You know some sick asshole fished out a turd and tried to sell it on Ebay. How much would a Tiger Turd get you? I'm thinking at least a grand. You could put it in a formaldehyde jar and display it on your fireplace mantle. Hell, you could throw Tiger Turd partys. Bring it with you to special occasions like graduations or birthday partys. Oh fuck it, if I won it I would bring it to a tailgate and have it root for my favorite team. You could never lose with the Tiger Turd by your side. Okay enough of the turd talk, I'm going to go check out Ebay...
Posted by Matt Fairchild (email@example.com) at 7:56 AM
THE WEEKLY LOU HOLTZ PEP TALK
Here is Holtz latest pep talk to the Penn State NNiiittannyy Wions. Remember folks, there may be 108,000 people in the stands, but they don't have weapons. Words of wisdom to live by...
"Remember men, Michigan is a rather arrogant group, they probably use pens to fill out their crossword puzzles because they think they are never wrong."
That is gold Jerry, gold!!
Posted by Matt Fairchild (firstname.lastname@example.org) at 7:26 AM
Thursday, September 20, 2007
John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me
life, between the legs of me wife!"
That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!
He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the Best toast
of the night"
She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?"
John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church
beside me wife."
"Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said.
The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street
corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other
night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary."
She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know,
he's only been there twice in the last four years. Once he fell asleep, and the
other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come."
Posted by Matt Fairchild (email@example.com) at 12:45 PM
MY HEISMAN FRONTRUNNERS
We are a third of the way into the season and we are starting to get a better understanding of who exactly are the best players in college football this year. Luckily I've gotten a chance to watch all these players play at least two games and so here are my top 5 as of now.
1. Tim Tebow-For those people in the Southeast who were hoping the Gators would take a step back with a new QB and a revamped D, well, you are in for a rude awakening. Tebow has been doing it all and is already the clear leader in just his sophomore season. I know a lot of people will discredit his chances for winning the Heisman because he is a sophomore(no freshman or sophomore has ever won)but the times are changing.
2. Darren McFadden-If you watched his performance against Alabama it probably just reaffirmed his elite status as a running back. To me the loss means little to his Heisman case because he was so good, but I can see the morons out there scratching out his name because of the loss. Those people would be called idiots/writers who shouldn't have a vote in the first place. Look for him to step up his game even further this Saturday against Kentucky and their Heisman candidate Andre' Woodson.
3. Sam Bradford-A red shirt freshman who won the starting QB job for the Sooners just a few weeks before the season started, Bradford has been spectacular so far. He is completing 80% of is passes with a TD-to-Int ratio of 11-to-1. His first big test will be against the Longhorns on October 6th. If he plays big in that game he could become the front runner if the LSU defense shuts down Tebow.
4. Colt Brennan-This guy is a fucking machine. He has a hairdo that scares the shit out of me, I know it must keep opposing defensive coordinators up late at night. All of his stats are out of this world and if he keeps it up you can pretty much guarantee an invite to New York City.
5. Andre' Woodson-
Don't laugh people, this kid could be the first pick in next year's NFL Draft. Woodson looked awesome against Louisville in leading a huge win for the Wildcats over their in-state rival. He has yet to throw an interception and is completing nearly 70% of his passes. More importantly he is providing great leadership to a team that might not have the most talent in the SEC but will provide a good test every week. This week's battle with Arkansas could be a huge boost for his candidacy.
JUST MISSED THE CUT:
Desean Jackson-His injury is limiting his potential. When healthy he is the best player in my opinion.
Pat White-Didn't have a great game against Maryland but is still the Mountaineers best player.
Matt Ryan-A great talent who is moving up quickly after destroying a good Georgia Tech defense.
Ray Rice-A consistent runner, he is going to need big games against Louisville and West Virginia to have any chance because of Rutgers weak early season schedule.
Brian Brohm-Played really well against Kentucky, problem is Andre' Woodson outplayed him.
Posted by Matt Fairchild (firstname.lastname@example.org) at 11:58 AM
Posted by Matt Fairchild (email@example.com) at 8:36 AM
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
THE NEW O.J. SHIRT
I think our graphic designer came up with a tits shirt right here. It's always healthy to poke fun at a school that takes pride in their murderers. The shirt will be available starting Thursday morning for $17 on the store page.
Posted by Matt Fairchild (firstname.lastname@example.org) at 8:19 PM
YOU CAN'T SPELL TROJANS WITHOUT OJ
This cartoon is highly inappropriate thus the reason why I decided to put it on here. I think it is about time for a good OJ shirt for Mr. Heisman. I never knew OJ talked just like Isiah Thomas. I'm thinking we could make a great reality show starring these two degenerates.
Posted by Matt Fairchild (email@example.com) at 3:40 PM
PLAY OF THE WEEK
JP Wilson's throw to Caddell for the game winning touchdown against Arkansas was a thing of beauty. It took me a while to remember the play because I was a little sauced at the time but I figured I would replay it here on this rootin tootin blog. Fucking Saban.
Posted by Matt Fairchild (firstname.lastname@example.org) at 2:56 PM
WHAT THE FUCK?
Yes people, that is no other than Oscar De La Hoya dressed up as a drag queen. I guess boxers still do blow because there is no way to explain this. I don't care how drunk you get or how funny you think you are, you have to be a switch hitter to dress like that. You get a pass if it is Halloween and your wife/girlfriend is taking the pictures, but it appears Oscar has his own little trick and treat action going on behind the scenes.
I'm not sure what the world is coming to when a boxing great is so clearly not masculine. I wonder what the Vegas odds were on this kind of shit happening? Is it just me or does he kind of look good in the fishnet stockings?
Right, I think I should just go now...
Posted by Matt Fairchild (email@example.com) at 1:02 PM
RANDOM BASEBALL JOKE
Three fans are walking to Fenway Park for the Red Sox-Yankees playoff series, when they see a foot sticking out of some bushes. An inspection revealed a dead-drunk naked woman. One man placed his Orioles baseball cap on her right breast. The Red Sox fan placed his cap on her left breast, and the Yankee fan put his over her crotch. They then called the police.
The cop lifted up the Orioles cap, and made a few notes. He then lifted the Red Sox cap and made more notes. Then he lifted the Yankees cap, put it down, lifted it again and put it down. When he lifted it the third time the Yankee fan said, ''What are you doing? Are you some kind of pervert, or what?'' The cop said, I was just confused, usually when I see a Yankee cap, there's an asshole under it.''
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
GEORGIA IN FEAR OF SABAN
According to Carter Strickland of the Atlanta Journal and Constitution, Coach Mark Richt has closed practices in favor of privacy while preparing for Alabama this week. One can only presume that Richt is nervous of the Saban, a disciple of Bill Belicheater.
Coach(Nick Saban) just happened to work for Bill Belichick at one time. Belichick was fined for spying in the NFL two weeks ago.
"You just don't know what can come out," Richt said. "We wanted to get it as tight as we could get it."
Georgia has been increasingly sensitive about other teams possibly knowing its offensive plays. Richt avoided that direct line of questioning and instead offered this:
"Everybody is a little bit paranoid that a little bit of information is getting out that could make a difference," he said.
As for an opponent coming in and watching practice, Richt highly doubts that would happen.
"I would be shocked," Richt said. "You would have to hire somebody to go and act like he is somebody else and I don't think they would do that."
First Saban lies to people in Louisania and Florida, then he takes away the SECPoon, and now he is suspected of spying on his opponents.
Something must be done about this Saban fella. True the guy has the Tide back in the top 25 and more than likely they will beat Georgia this week because they already know all of offensive coordinator's Mike Bobo play calls (hell, I know them and I've only watched two games)but this guy is as moral as a Catholic priest with his hand on a boy's knee.
I know Georgia fans hate Steve Spurrier because of his frank demeanor and statements and overall record against the Dawgs but I think Saban should be their new #1 enemy.
Don't fear the Saban...slay the beast before he takes over the SEC again.
Posted by Matt Fairchild (firstname.lastname@example.org) at 2:10 PM
BOOK EM HORNS
James Henry(lovely mug shot to the right) is the latest winner in the contest of who can get arrested while playing for the Texas Longhorns. A backup reserve RB and special team player for Mack Brown's squad, Henry is the 6th Longhorn to be arrested in the last two months. He has been charged with two felony counts of obstruction and tampering with evidence in accordance with the investigation of a July home invasion that allegedly involved two other players, Andre Jones and Robert Joseph.
He has been suspended from the team indefinitely from the team according to Brown.
What the hell is going on in Austin? I can understand a few players making mistakes but these Longhorns are not getting arrested for minor offenses like jaywalking or underage drinking. Supposedly Henry went over to the house were the burglary took place and brandished out his own justice to the people who were accusing his teammates of theft.
Henry said he "went over there and whupped" one of the victims, who told police they were thrown on the ground and punching and kicked in the head several times.
Sounds like a stand-up individual looking out for his homies. What is the college football world coming to when you can't simply kick some body's ass for snitching? I think we can all blame this on OJ Simpson and Michael Vick. Clearly they have set a bad example for all black athletes including myself. Oh wait, I'm not black...I'm European-American.
Our new slogan for the Longhorns is "Book Em Horns!" Clearly a shirt needs to be made. Any suggestions?
Posted by Matt Fairchild (email@example.com) at 12:36 PM
NOTHING LIKE SOME GOOD OLD ROOKIE HAZING
The Boston Red Sox, otherwise known as the Yankees impersonators, had their annual rookie hazing tradition yesterday. Usually you don't see videos of this because cameras aren't suppose to be allowed but the Red Sox decided to forget the norm. I think my favorite part is seeing Dice-K and his interpreter in TeleTubbie outfits. They look like two gay midgets getting ready for a jello fight. Speaking of midgets, where the hell is 2b Dustin Pedroia? I guess the little fucker takes enough ridicule on the road that his team mates didn't want to hurt his feelings anymore. I would have dressed him up in an Oompa Loompa outfit, blindfolded him, spin him around for about 30 seconds and then let him run around the clubhouse. Now that would be entertaining. Hell they could put it on Pay-Per-View and call it "When Midgets attack clubhouses."
Oh yeah, the Red Sox and the Yankees are more than likely going to make the playoffs. The sad and unfunny truth, in other words the Dane Cook law, is that we will again be force fed their stupid rivalry up until 2080.
GATORS FINALLY GO DOWN
Okay, well, it's only a student at the University of Florida who was arrested and tasered at a John Kerry event at a campus forum but at least it's entertaining.
I'm loving the screams of "what did I do?"
You are acting like an idiot dipshit. I love democracy and I believe we should all have the right to free speech, but a part of me loves seeing this kid named Andrew Meyer the Cryer (no apparent relation to Urban, but he sounds like him) going down hard for acting like he is better than everybody. Sure he may be better than John Kerry, shit, who isn't? The guy lost to George Bush for heaven's sake.
But one thing you will learn as you get older: You are never better than the cops! No matter how many drinks you have had.
Posted by Matt Fairchild (firstname.lastname@example.org) at 6:27 AM
Monday, September 17, 2007
VOTE ON THE BOND'S BALL
Apparently the guy who just won the bidding on the Barry Bond's record setting bullshit ball has started a website called Vote756.com in order for the nation to determine what he should do with the ball. Before I found out about this I was going to chastise whom ever bought the ball for being a Bond's soul less cocksucker. Now after seeing the website created by the winner Mark Ecko, I think I might go down on the fucker. Pure brilliance on his part. Anyways, I voted to send the ball to outer space because there was no choice of shooting it up either Bud Selig or Peter Angelos ass. This is democracy at it's finest people. Get over there and vote. And if you really hate Bonds and what he stands for go buy this shirt.
Posted by Matt Fairchild (email@example.com) at 11:37 AM
The Shiny-Walled Box Thingie
An Amish boy and his father were visiting a nearby mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny silver walls that moved apart and back together again by themselves.
The lad asked, "What is this, father?"
The father, having never seen an elevator, responded, "I have no idea what it is."
While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed, an old lady in a wheelchair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched as small circles lit up above the walls.
The walls opened up again and a beautiful twenty-four-year-old woman stepped out.
The father looked at his son anxiously and said, "Go get your mother."
Posted by Matt Fairchild (firstname.lastname@example.org) at 6:57 AM
Sunday, September 16, 2007
JIMMY CLAUSEN FOR HEISMAN
Brian over at MGOBlog got the comedy of offensive line errors video from a guy with too much time on his hand. I hate to beat a dead horse but honestly, what the fuck are the offensive lineman doing? Is it too complicated to block the guy with the other jersey in front of you? I think we should ask Homer Simpson what he thinks about the state of Notre Dame football right now. Oh wait, here we go...
Posted by Matt Fairchild (email@example.com) at 3:38 PM
TIME TO FIX THE PROBLEM
I never thought I would see the day where I actually thought in my head that Notre Dame is the worst team in college football. I'm dead serious. Notre Dame is absolutely pathetic right now and I honestly don't see how it's going to get better. They are a lost team without a leader. If I was Jabba the coach I would start every freshmen and sophomore on the roster and pray you don't lose any of your recruits you have coming in because frankly they could start right away on this team.
Posted by Matt Fairchild (firstname.lastname@example.org) at 11:01 AM
Saturday, September 15, 2007
It's time to give some predictions now with 2 solid weeks under our belt.
USC AT NEBRASKA(+10)
The last time these two teams played it was a joke, USC blew them out in the Coliseum. This year will be different. Nebraska has a running game led by Marlon Lucky that can put some yards on a soft Trojan defense. Yes, despite all their studs this is the PAC-10, and their defense is softer than Peter North after an eight ball. USC will win, but they are not covering.
Prediction: USC 28 Nebraska 24
Tennessee(+8) at Florida
I've been going back and forth with this game all week. The Gators have looked really strong against inferior competition and the Vols looked really bad against Cal. But these games usually are close, tough battles. I think it will be a shootout between Tim Tebow and Erik Ainge. I wouldn't be surprised if Ainge outplays Tebow and keeps the Vols in the game, perhaps with a 4th quarter lead. But Tebow pulls the grace of God out of his arse and wins the game for the Gators with a TD run even though everybody, and I mean everybody, knows it's coming.
Prediction: Florida 35, Tennessee 31
Texas(-19) at Central Florida
Texas running game is going to prove too tough for the Fightin O'Learys. The Longhorns finally get their shit together and flex their muscle in this one. Watch out for Mark May and the rest of the ESPN dipshits to jump on the Longhorn bandwagon after the game.
Prediction: Texas 42, Central Florida 10
Louisville at Kentucky(+7.5)
This game has upset special written all over it. The Wildcats can hang with Louisville's potent attack because they have Andre Woodson and Rafael Little. Both guys will have great games. The problem is so will Brian Brohm. These two teams don't have much defense, so in other words it will probably be a low scoring game because these kind of games always fuck the Vegas over/under line(which I believe is at 135 right now). Louisville avoids the upset..barely.
Prediction: Louisville 38 Kentucky 35
Ohio State(-4.5) at Washington
Huskies sensation Jake Locker meets a real defense for the first time. It could get ugly.
Prediction: Ohio State 28 Washington 10
Boston College at Georgia Tech(-7)
Backup College vs. the Nerds...oh the humanity! Tech's defense and running game will be too tough for Matt Ryan and his golden showers.
Prediction: Georgia Tech 31 Boston College 20
Arkansas(+4) at Alabama
You know what, fuck Dick Saban for taking off the SECPoon. You don't ever piss off the Poonlovers. D-MAC and Felix go nuts and all hell breaks loose in Tuscaloosa. Hide your daughters or nieces Saban, a reckoning is upon us.
Prediction: Arkansas 24 Alabama 17
Notre Dame(+7.5) at Michigan
It's all about survival now. Two storied programs in the depths of hell but one can rise out of the ashes and take back their season. It's freshmen sensations Jimmy Clausen vs. Ryan Mallett. It's Mike Hart's guarantee vs. Corwin Brown's new defense. More than likely it will get ugly, very ugly.
Prediction: Notre Dame 3 Michigan 2
So there you have it poopdicks. Have fun, drink beer, watch tons of football, and get laid for Virgin's sake.
Posted by Matt Fairchild (email@example.com) at 7:01 AM
Friday, September 14, 2007
COLLEGE FOOTBALL PICK EM CONTEST
For those who are participating in the Sportscrack College Football Pick Em Contest, you need to get your picks in if you want to win a free Sportscrack shirt of your choice.
Last week our lucky winner was Bryan Dean of Georgia. With the win Bryan not only assured himself a place in heaven and a permanent spot in the Sportscrack Hall of Fame, but he also got two free shirts. I've been assured from Bryan himself that the ladies are loving him a lot lately since he has been sporting his Sportscrack swag. He even sent me a video which I thought was a little inappropriate but it wouldn't be right to not show you the love he has enjoyed...
So get those picks in people, you could be the winner of a lovely new shirt.
Here are the two new ones we just introduced...
Posted by Matt Fairchild (firstname.lastname@example.org) at 12:30 PM
DID SABAN KILL THE SEC POON?
I just got the word from Adam over at Mac Gs World that the unholy of all holliness has happened at the hands of the evil pig fucker we all know as Nick Saban.
Brace yourself people, back away from anything breakable and go to a quiet room where you can scream all you want and nobody will care: THE SECPOON HAS BEEN KILLED BY SABAN.
Apparently the SECPoon displayed a picture of Saban's niece and all hell broke loose. Satan..excuse me, Saban worshipping blood seeking gouge your eyes out lawyers have contacted the SECPoon and made a threat. I wish I had more information but my head is spinning worse than the first time I drank Golden Grain. How could this happen? Why would anyone want to get rid of the wonderful and glorious pictures of SECPoon?
I'm starting to get a case of Muhammad Ali shakes.
You got till 5 o'clock to make everything right Saban. You got that Saban, don't make a fool out of me...
Posted by Matt Fairchild (email@example.com) at 11:54 AM
SHADY BRADY AND BILL BELICHEAT
Well, Roger Godell and the NFL slayed down the law last night on the Patriots and I guess it depends on what side you are on if you think it is justice. My honest view was it wasn't enough. I hate it when you give multimillionaires run by billionaires fines. It just doesn't stick with these guys, they will continue to cheat. Look at baseball. If you told major leaguers the first time they got caught for illegal performance enhancing drugs they would be suspended for the rest of their career you know damn well what would happen....MLB would be boring. Anyways, I thought it was funny how the guys over at BarStoolSports view the way Godell handled it. Apparently everybody cheats in their mind and so the Patriots and Belicheat should have gotten off with a gentle spanking. If I was the commish and thank god I'm not (it doesn't pay enough)I would have made the Patriots forfeit the game and give up first round draft picks for the next few seasons to their division rivals.
I think that would have sent a clear message to everybody in the NFL that this espionage/counter intelligence stealing signs bull shit is not tolerated. And if it is please tell me who is doing it so I can make the right bet with my bookie. At least have that dignity right?
Posted by Matt Fairchild (firstname.lastname@example.org) at 8:52 AM
Thursday, September 13, 2007
MY FIRST PREDICTION AGAINST THE SPREAD
Okay, I've gotten two weeks of watching the lovely boob tube filled with college football delight and I am ready to lay down my first bet. First off, I have to warn you that a lot of my viewing, wait, all of my viewing has been with my lovely roommate of choice named NewCastle. She is brown and I love her oh so much. Also I must warn you I'm originally from Maryland and both of my parents attended Garyland as I call it. So I could be a little bias but who gives a fuck, it's only money right? It's not like it buys happiness, that is what hookers are for. Just ask the Republican party.
Anyways, the current line is -17 in favor of the West Virginia Mountaineers. The game is in College Park and yes I know Maryland has beaten two vagina's in Villanova and Florida International (isn't that the airport where drugs get smuggled in?)but I got this feeling Maryland can hang with their border rivals.
We all know that West Virginia absolutely destroyed Maryland in the first quarter last year in Morgantown thanks to the beast I call Patty Slaton. They ran all over the Terps, gouging them inside their turtle shells with incestuous hands. This year will be different. Maryland will hang with them because QB Jordan Steffy won't turn the ball over in the first half. We all know that Big East defenses are about as defenseless as Jim Tressel's brown eye (yes, I just went there Bucknuts)so there should be a lot of points put on the board. Jabba the Friedgen will draw up a game plan that will utilize RB Keon Lattimore, the younger brother of murderer extraordinaire turned bible-beater Ray Lewis.
West Virginia will win the game, but they won't cover the 17.
Lattimore looks to slash through his opponents like his big brother.
Posted by Matt Fairchild (email@example.com) at 2:37 PM
FCU WITH BILL MURRAY
Posted by Matt Fairchild (firstname.lastname@example.org) at 10:36 AM
A man walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist for a pack of condoms. Paying for them, he bursts into laughter and walks out of the store. The next day he comes in again, again buys condoms, and again walks out laughing. Thinking this is somewhat strange, the pharmacist asks his assistant to follow the man if he comes back. Sure enough, the man comes in the next day and walks out laughing. This time the assistant goes after him, returning 20 minutes later.
"So did you follow him?" asks the pharmacist.
"Where did he go?"
Posted by Matt Fairchild (email@example.com) at 10:21 AM
ESPN is apparently going to shove Jimmy Clausen down our throat whether we like it or not. Here is their "latest" coverage of the Golden Boy and Notre Dame.
Posted by Matt Fairchild (firstname.lastname@example.org) at 10:05 AM
AN ALL-TIME CLASSIC FROM ORSON
Orson Swindle has outdone himself again. His latest, Parallel Universe,dives full force into the depths of hell all College Football fans go through after a tough loss on a late Saturday night. God have mercy on us all and please thank Orson for the endless days of shits and giggles.
PARALLEL UNIVERSE: 4:45 A.M SUNDAY
(He comes to in dark room. Turns on the light. The clock reads 4:45 a.m. It’s Sunday, September 16th, 2007.)
Jesus, my mouth tastes terrible. Just awful. Like someone shaved a rat on it. You’d think a grown man would know better than to combine red wine, dollar jello shots, and jager bombs. But this grown man didn’t. Need…water. Need…
Oh, fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.
(A Michigan t-shirt sits on the floor. A pack of condoms sits on the nightstand. It has been opened.)
Oh, god. Oh, please, Lord. Not again. Not again. I thought this was the bottom. I know it’s been a bad two weeks. I know I’m bad and need help, serious, serious help. If you’re there, say I don’t have to look. Please say this didn’t happen.
(A groan comes from a bulky body on the bed next to him. The sheets stink of sin and the faint whiff of Bechamel sauce.)
Okay. Okay. It happened again. FUCK! Wait–I can accept that. Reality check. Courage. Like a Victor would.
I’m gonna look. One quick turn to the right and all. And you want to know the truth, right? It’s better to know the truth, right? Because you’ll feel better. Because you’ll feel better. And it can’t get worse than Appalachian State. It just…can’t.
Posted by Matt Fairchild (email@example.com) at 9:34 AM
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
SOUNDS LIKE A GUILTY MAN
I think there is little doubt that Bill Belichick knew about the cheating. He is about as convincing as Michael Vick during his denial. The NFL better come down hard on Belichick and the Patriots because this is the most blatant case of cheating I can ever remember happening in the league. And I don't want to hear the retarded excuse "well everybody does it!" Fuck that shit! They cheated and got caught and at the very least should have to forfeit the win and give up draft picks.
Posted by Matt Fairchild (firstname.lastname@example.org) at 1:51 PM
First off, the great news is that Buffalo Bill's tight end Kevin Everett has apparently received a miracle with the news he will be able to walk again. The hit look like a crushing blow not only to Everett himself but to the whole Bill's organization.
I know I tend to act like an a-hole on here especially when it comes to the NFL, but my heartfelt prayers go out to Everett on a speedy recovery.
And with all good news on the NFL side we also have bad news. Bill Belichick has a lot of questions to answer regarding the videotaping of signal stealing during the Jet's game on Sunday. The Patriot's franchise has been considered the elite organization from top to bottom with 3 recent Super Bowls with some may consider good talent but not great talent, it makes you wonder how long this has been going on. My hope is new commissioner Roger Godell will come down hard on the Patriots. I can't stand when other teams cheat because not only are you cheating the game but you are cheating yourself. We should have known the Patriots were up to no good with their recent questionable draft picks (Meriweather) and trades (Randy Moss) in which they have picked up guys with unsavory reputations. Oh yeah, and Golden Boy Tommy Brady is knocking up his ex-girlfriend while sleeping with a supermodel. What an a-hole!
I think Godell should come down hard on the Patriots. I would take away their first round draft pick for the next three years, giving it to their division rivals with a mandatory mid first round pick. The Jet's game should be a forfeit. There is no way you can justify the Patriots with the win. It's sad that teams have to sink to this level, but the only way to nip it in the ass is to come down hard with the Godell iron fist.
Posted by Matt Fairchild (email@example.com) at 9:19 AM
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
COULDN'T HAVE SAID IT BETTER MYSELF
With our annual shit on Notre Dame parade being led full force by ESPN's Pat Forde, I felt obligated to inject some of my opinions. But luckily for you guys I found someone else who could do it for me. Yes, I'm lazy, I know this. Anyways, Mike Coffey pretty much sums up what the majority of Notre Dame fans already know but the rest of the nation(looking at you ESPN muckrakers) have ignored.
Drum Major, If You Please
Every parade must have a leader, and it's usually those who are adept at it who are asked to do it most often. So it comes as no surprise to me that ESPN resident hair-puller Pat Forde has decided to fire the first shot in the Weis-to-Willingham idiocy parade this year with his article today.
If memory serves, he was the first out of the gate last year on the subject when Washington started 4-1 and ND got handled by Michigan. But then the Irish peeled off eight straight wins while the Huskies lost six in a row (including that 20-3 decision to powerhouse Stanford), and Forde and the rest of the intellectually bankrupt muckrakers stuck their heads back in the hole, waiting for the next chance.
I don't want to link it because contributing to the decline of society by making people dumber is a mortal sin. You're welcome to hunt for and read it yourself, and on your own head be it. But I'll pull a couple of paragraphs here and there so you get the gist.
Domers, Your Credibility Is On The Clock. When Notre Dame trap-doored Tyrone Willingham after just three years on the job in 2004, it established a precedent for the next coach: You've got three years, pal. Have it up and running at full speed or else.
Pat Pat Pat Pat Pat Pat Pat. So stupid so quick. Can't you even let the reader settle in before hitting them over the head with a mistake?
That's not the precedent, big guy. That's not even close.
No one was asking Tyrone Willingham to "have it up and running at full speed" in his third year, although that would have been nice. What they were asking him to do was improve on the previous regime while setting a good foundation for future success. And Willingham didn't even come close to succeeding on that score.
It wasn't just that ND wasn't competitive on the field for two and a half seasons (which would have been three outside of fortuitous bounces on defense). It also wasn't looking any better any time soon. Aside from a quality class in his first year (coached by Weis to the best first-two-season win total of any ND coach in its history), Willingham and his staff bumbled to two mediocre-at-best classes in a row to follow it up. After three seasons of ineptitude on offense and haphazard results on defense (to say nothing of atrocious special teams), no coaching changes were in the offing. And yet the golf course continued to beckon, at the expense of gameplanning and meeting with high school coaches and getting support from alumni and all sorts of other duties Willingham neglected in his three years in South Bend.
Willingham knew as well as Notre Dame did that the relationship wasn't working. That's why his reps were talking to Washington in October of that year, why his contract had a special buyout clause at the end of the third season (when if he'd done well, he'd be NFL bound), and why he refused to make any assistant coaching changes at the end of his third season when his bosses suggested very strongly he do so.
He could afford to be insubordinate. He had his golden (domed) parachute, both financial and philosophical. He goes sailing off into the purple sunset with many millions of ND's dollars -- more than had ever been paid to any non-African American football coach in school history, by the way -- while the Irish would have to deal with the small-minded fallout from people who couldn't see past the color of Willingham's skin to take in the (lack of) content of his character.
Yes, coaches should get at least a fourth year as a rule. Some turnaround jobs are harder than others. But those coaches should be willing to meet the school halfway. Those coaches should be able to identify what's not working and make moves to try and make fixes. Those coaches should at least pretend they're interested in a career at their place of employment.
Willingham's recruiting was in the toilet. His offenses scared no one. His defenses were hit-or-miss. His relationships with high school coaches were terrible. His relationships with a lot of the ND alumni clubs, including those that had bent over backwards to help him feel welcome, were worse.
And what was he doing to fix those things? Absolutely nothing.
So what would the point of a fourth year have been, other than to dig Notre Dame into an even deeper hole? One more year of bad recruiting. One more year slipping away from the rank of winningest college program. One more year of players and fans walking away.
What would that have accomplished?
Oh, I have no doubt it would have accomplished a lot for the people who don't like Notre Dame or who thrive on mindless rhetoric. But I don't think it would have done much for us, the alumni and fans, and in the end, our opinions, needs and wants count a lot more than the haters'. And thank God for that.
At least you have the intellectual honesty to admit "Weis coached many of Willingham's players better than Willingham ever did". A logician would have recognized that as being the overall point and stopped there. Quelle surprise you did not, talking about what the "Willingham players" and the "Weis players" have accomplished on offense.
Of course, you fail to note how in most programs, upperclassmen are expected to contribute more than underclassmen, a condition exacerbated at a place like Notre Dame that does not allow automatic redshirting. And it should probably be noted that the Weis version of Quinn, Samardzija, Stoval, et al, were ten times the players the Willingham versions were (which, again, would be the overall point).
Should Charlie Weis be on the hot seat? Right now, no. When you spend two years giving the fans the results they want while working very hard to ensure a strong future, you build goodwill that takes you through the rough patches. And that has nothing to do with his Caucasianality and everything to do with knowing his job and doing it.
But his seat is certainly warming. If we're having this same conversation about ineptitude on offense this time next year, you can bet his tushie will be more than a little singed.
And that'll be no different than how Willingham was treated.
So with that let's give a big thank you to Mike Coffey for helping out some of the people who have been too blinded by the race issue.
Now go out and beat Meshitagain Charlie, okay Slim.
Posted by Matt Fairchild (firstname.lastname@example.org) at 4:34 PM
NEW SHIRTS THIS WEEK
Here is a couple of new shirts we are introducing. Both shirts have a rivalry feel to them and will most certainly be a hit at any tailgate, gameday, or party atmosphere.
First we have our brand new OklaHOMO Spooners shirt in texas orange...
Second is our brand new Beat Florida shirt in red...
As always a portion of all sales goes to the American Cancer Society.
Click here to order.
Posted by Matt Fairchild (email@example.com) at 9:51 AM
Monday, September 10, 2007
JEFF TEDFORD FOR MICHIGAN COACH?
It's been a tough couple of weeks for the Michigan community since they have royally sucked ass since losing their god in Bo Schembechler. But now it is time to not only prepare for Notre Dame and the guaranteed win Mike Hart has promised but to look towards the future of their program. So Brian Cook over at mgoblog takes a look at the candidacy of one Jeff Tedford, aka Offensive Genius/King of the JUCO.
I think Tedford is a fine candidate but I find it hard to believe he would leave Cal to coach Michigan. He actually makes more than Lloyd Carr right now and he is a West Coast guy. Plus would any rational person move their family from the lovely, laid back land of California to the urine soaked land of Ann Arbor, MI?
That is a tough one.
Posted by Matt Fairchild (firstname.lastname@example.org) at 2:17 PM
On the left you have current Chicago Bears RB Adrian Peterson (the shitty, less talented Peterson) and on the right you have Whoopi Goldberg (the shitty, least talented comedian of all time). The resemblance is uncanny. Unfortunately Bear fans will never be able to look at their team in the same way.
Posted by Matt Fairchild (email@example.com) at 1:52 PM
The Injured Thumb
This guy went into a restaurant and ordered his meal. When the waitress came out with his soup, he noticed that she had her thumb stuck into it. This upset him, but he let it go. She then brought out his chili, and again her thumb was in the food. He let it go again. When she brought out his hot fudge sundae, her thumb was in the fudge and this was too much for him.
"Goddammit," said the man, "get your damn thumb out of my food!'
"Well, I injured it a while ago and the doctor said I should keep it warm."
"Why don't you just shove it up your ass?" the man said angrily.
"That's what I do when I'm in the kitchen."
Posted by Matt Fairchild (firstname.lastname@example.org) at 12:41 PM
SPORTSCRACK TOP 25
I've been itching like a dog to get this list off my balls for three weeks now but finally it's here. And unlike the voters in the AP and coaches polls, I have actually watched all these teams play this year. How is that you say? ESPNU has become my drug buddy. It gives me my fix everyday by replaying the games from the week before. I'm telling you the television box is going to be the next big thing in technology. Fucking amazing what images you can see on a daily basis by them flickering lights in the ol' tube. Anyways, here is my top 25. You can send all hate mail to Lloydcarr@umich.edu if you disagree.
1. Oklahoma-These Sooners are for real. Bradford and Kelly are sluts hooking up with each other in alarming if not epidemic proportions. OU has completely dominated North Texas and Miami on offense, defense, and special teams and should continue to cruise to a bitch slap worthy fight against the Book Em' Horns.
2. LSU-Do I really need to explain? Everything is great about this team except the coach Les Miles. I don't trust that pig fucker. He is a wolf in sheep skin and will screw up at least one game for the Tigers.
3. USC-These fuckers are good, we all know. A good test is in Lincoln this week. I'm pulling for the Huskers harder than I tug on myself. FUSC.
4. Florida-Anyone expecting a sudden drop off in play from the Gators after losing some players better wake up and smell the Tebow. The annual Smokey ball licking contest should be interesting.
5. California-Two words: Desean Jackson. Nuff said.
6. West Virginia-Looked awful in the first half against rival Marshall. Second half the Mountaineers played up to their capabilities by sprinkling White and Slaton all over the Thundering Herd.
7. Texas-The Longhorns struggled for the first 7 quarters of the season in wins over Arkansas State and TCU but appeared to hit their stride in the fourth quarter on Saturday.
8. Georgia Tech-I know I am a complete jerkoff for putting this team this high. They have demolished two bad teams in Notre Dame and Samford, but what can I say, I'm a sucker for a good defense to go along with a potent running game.
9. Rutgers-They didn't look exceptional vs. Navy but got the job done.
10. Penn State-Their defense will win a lot of games for them but they have to improve the offense. Anthony Morelli is an average QB.
11. Louisville-Their offense will win a lot of games for them but they have no defense. Giving up 35 points in one half to Middle Tennessee State should get you hung and shot.
12. UCLA-I'm not sure why I have these Pac-10 pussies up here other than the fact that the other teams behind them haven't showed me much.
13. Wisconsin-I really need to make it up to Madison for one trip to experience a game day up there. I say this because I'm a degenerate alcoholic with a terrible rash caused by college football couchitis.
14. Nebraska-Beat USC and you will be a top 10 team.
15. Oregon-Destroyed Michigan in the Big House. I really like watching Dennis Dixon and Jonathan Stewart but still wonder if the Ducks are just a mirage of past great starts.
16. Texas A&M-I know they looked like shit vs. Fresno State but they still got the W and will continue to get better as the season progresses.
17. South Florida-They beat the Auburn Tigers on the road and are now sitting at 2-0. I don't think I need to rationalize this ranking.
18. Ohio State-The Buckeyes are missing something. Oh yeah, a QB worth a damn.
19. South Carolina-The Cocks have a really good defense and a senior QB who has been generally regarded as a fuck up. Redemption could be sweet justice for Blake Mitchell.
20. Arkansas-Darren McFadden and Felix Jones form the best backfield in the nation.
21. Missouri-Chase Daniel could lead the Tigers to the Big 12 Championship game.
22. Boston College-Huge game against the Yellow Jackets this weekend could determine ACC Champs.
23. Tennessee-I would not be stunned to see the Volunteers pull off the upset this week against the Gators.
24. Clemson-James Davis and CJ Spiller form the second best backfield in the nation.
25. Georgia-Young and inexperienced in some areas, they will continue to get better as the team matures. Matthew Stafford will be a great QB.
Time to go take my crazy pills...
Posted by Matt Fairchild (email@example.com) at 10:40 AM
I THINK SEC POON JUST FOUND A WINNER
The fine fellas over at www.secpoon.com have started a campaign to find the hottest chick in the SEC. Today they revealed a Tiger that captured my heart and my loins. Thank you Auburn for providing all things great in SEC Poon.
Posted by Matt Fairchild (firstname.lastname@example.org) at 9:13 AM
SPURRIER IS A COCK
I know it's one thing to own a team like Steve Spurrier has done with Georgia through out much of his coaching career, but talk about rubbing salt in the wounds of Georgia fans.
“It wasn’t like they were some big, powerful team,” Spurrier said on his television show Sunday. “They’ve actually lost five in a row to Eastern Division opponents. Kentucky and Vandy beat ‘em last year.”
Zing! Take that Bulldawg fans. I was at the game on Saturday, standing in what only felt like the hottest place in the world other than Mark Mangino's arm pit, and could see Spurrier feeding off the Georgia crowd. As halftime approached and Spurrier was the last man to walk off the field, the Georgia crowd started to boo him.
Spurrier loved it. He waved his arms to the crowd to be louder. The lesson is to never feed the beast that can destroy you. Or in this case the Cock that can destroy you.
Once a cock always a cock, click clack bitches!